Saturday, November 30, 2013

No Longer Chasing Bigfoot?

It dawned on me, as I tried once again to explain why I'm chasing after an unproven human tribe in America (and my son's eyes rolled at the ridiculousness of which an adult woman would be obsessed about something almost with religious fervor), that I might be truly up against a wall.

It's not just that many very "practical" people absolutely disprove Bigfoot's existence, but if I had not seen one, spent numerous hours pouring over evidence, I would think "how could they possibly stay hidden in America today? One of them would have had to walked onto a roadway and been hit or found on a pathway dying of old age complications?"

I reminded him that he himself had seen a shadow person before and had no answer for what it was and had even tried out for Ghost Hunters Academy's first season. He wanted to know what he'd run into with his best friend in that graveyard. I told him I'm the same. I wish to know what I had seen years ago and to perhaps have another encounter to get a better understanding of it.

Then, something clicked inside of me; why was I chasing after something that didn't want to be found, that had earned its privacy, and why would I want to be part of the very group who was harassing and making it harder to survive? If they don't need us, why do we insist on interaction? Yes, I am curious about them, but I'm also curious about my neighbor who daily goes out into the common lawn and pours a coffee cup of water onto a single plant. Still, I allow him his private ceremony.

Now, there's a parting thought for Secrets of Bigfoot month!

*If you missed any of these extensive Bigfoot posts, look on the right hand side of the blog for the list of the month's topics*

Tomorrow begins "Paranormal Geeks" month!

LAUGH: Matt's Theories

This is another in my series poking loving fun at the paranormal-reality shows. This time, the focus is my favorite show, “Finding Bigfoot” and most especially the team leader, Matt Moneymaker who, well, gives me a lot of material to work with and his nemesis, Ranae (the skeptic).

In the dark forest, Matt and Ranae are teamed on a hillside, sitting it out for the night.

Ranae: (comes to a stop) Look, it's a dead deer.

Matt: Don't move! There's a squatch around here. (searching around them in the dark forest) This kill is new. Squatches kill deer for food.

Ranae: But, Matt, this deer hasn't been touched.

Matt: (snarls) It would have eaten it, but we scared him away.

Ranae: This thing has rigor mortis. It died long ago. It doesn't have any cuts or bleeding. It might have fallen off that rock ledge up there and broken its neck.

Matt: I'm telling you, it's part of a master plan by the squatch. (points a finger in the air) He kills a deer and leaves it here as a snack for later on. It's like we're standing in a pantry for the squatch. (coyote howls and he startles and steps back).

Ranae: (sighs) Coyote.

Matt: No! Shh! (listens) That's a squatch! Don't let him fool you. He sounds like a coyote to confuse the humans.

Ranae: Why would a squatch do that? How would his own kind know it's him?

Matt: (chuckles knowingly) See, that is exactly what he wants you to assume. He has his own language in Coyote talk.

Ranae: (rolls her eyes and crosses her arms, shaking her head) There's a school for that?

Matt: Don't ever underestimate squatches. See these trees around us?

Ranae: Yeah.

Matt: Squatches can impersonate them!

Ranae: Trees? Really?

Matt: (points to a row of trees) He could be any one of those. They stay real still and you think they're a tree. They're watching us, I tell you. They're all around us. (backs up into a tree and whimpers and jumps away from it)

Ranae (giggles) Yeah, I think that maple over there has its eyes on you.

Matt:  (grabs her hand) Don't point at them! When they know that we know that they're there, they will use their minds to mesmerize us and make us forget the encounter.

Ranae: (twitching smile) Like those boys in Men in Black with their little light pen?

Matt:  Where do you think that movie got that idea, hmm? (raises his eyebrow) Much of the things we consider fiction on TV are facts that Bigfoot is hiding from us by making it look fictionalized.

Ranae: Wait, so you're saying Bigfoot is controlling my TV viewing? I wish I knew that because those Real Housewives shows are making me go nuts. I really need to find me one so I can explain what women really want to watch. (walks away into the woods with Matt rushing up on her heels)

Matt: (clutching her arm) W-where are we g-going?

Ranae: Matt, I am going to try my hand at a squatch call.

Matt: No! You'll do it all wrong. Female squatches do not holler.

Ranae: They don't?

Matt:  Of course not! Everyone knows the female of the species is always a tattletale. They would give away the location and all the family secrets. It's up to the big strong men to keep the tribe in line.

Ranae: Okay, Moneymaker, now you've crossed the line. It's one thing to make a bunch of idiotic assumptions about a creature that has yet to be proven to exist, but it's another thing to use your own caveman thoughts about women to support those insane theories.

(Matt cowers)

Ranae: (takes a breath, fists clenched) Too-many-big-words-for-you?

Matt: (twig snaps nearby) Shh! (cocks his ear)

Ranae: (looks through the nightvision goggles) Oh look, it's Bobo!

Matt: That's not Bobo! That's just what Squatch wants you to think.

Ranae: Well, it would appear that squatch is wearing a T-shirt from a bar in South Carolina and a hat that says "Gone Squatchin".

Matt: Oh God. It's just what I thought!

Ranae: What?

Matt: Squatch has knocked Bobo over the head and stole his clothes. He's going to try to impersonate him. Don't let him know that we're on to him.

Bobo: Hey guys! (chomping on a bagel)  Cliff is at base camp and we're ready to wrap it up. I realized you didn't have the walkies, so I thought I'd come and tell ya.

Matt:  So, you're saying you want us to go with you? (shakes his head "no" at Ranae)

Bobo: That'd be the plan, man.

Ranae: Come on, Bobo. Let's go to base camp (takes his arm)

Bobo: (turns to Matt) Are you comin' boss man?

(Matt nods and cautiously follows)

Bobo: You know, Ranae, it felt like it would be squatchy tonight but we didn't see a single squatch. Did you two see a squatch?

Matt: Yes, we did, actually.

Bobo: (pivots and looks back) Really? How close did he get?

Matt: (nods) About as far away from me as you are. In fact, exactly that far. (pulls a banana from his pocket and waves it in the air) Would you like a snack, tall man?

Bobo: No thanks. I still got my bagel.

Matt: But your kind loves bananas. You are closer to ape than man.

Bobo: My kind? Hey, are you calling me an ape?

Ranae: (takes Bobo's arm and leads him down the trail) Don't ask. Do me a favor, will you? Give me your best Bigfoot call.

(Bobo stops and cups his hands, letting out a long loud howl)

Matt: Oh God! Run Ranae! He's calling on his clan! (takes off running into the hills)

Bobo: (shrugs) I had no idea he hated my family so much. 

Friday, November 29, 2013

Are We Ready For Bigfoot?

As I prepare to end "Secrets of Bigfoot" month at Ghost Hunting Theories, I can't help but wonder about the future and official discovery of Bigfoot.

There's an assumption of how traumatic it would be to have Bigfoot face us and our modern ways, but it's my deeply held belief it's the other way around.

We are not ready for Bigfoot. 

And, I believe they know it. For some time, folks in rural areas have been admitting Bigfoot has gotten bolder about interactions and more attempts to confront the hairless ones and the overwhelming feeling is that we are not passing their tests, including walking right past the clues in the wild that they left behind for us.

The dilemmas start at the governmental level and continue down to the level of health care, social services, and personal rights.  Imagine having to not only recognize a tribe of humans, but they are not another race of humans, they are a whole different branch of genus homo.  It raises too many questions we aren't ready to answer:

Are they intellectually capable of understanding their rights and our rights?
Do we owe them lands even though they don't see land as something one "owns"?
Do we institutionalize them?
Do we send out health care workers to inoculate them and check their health and social situation?
How do we keep hairless ones from harassing them and allowing them on their property?
If we set up a huge "Reservation," how the hell do we wrangle them up to live on it?
Do we assimilate them?
Should we make them join our world?
Do we have affirmative action for hiring Sasquatch?
Do we interbreed?

Perhaps the most difficult question for us is - how are we related? How are we different? And where the hell did this branch of man come from?

It could be that what we find won't jive with either our notions of evolution or the Divine. Could there be a greater threat to mankind trying to assimilate a new reality? Many would fight the findings, become enraged as if we're taking away their belief systems.

I believe Bigfoot knows we are not ready, but I do believe they keep waiting for us to evolve and be ready for a new reality. We think we're cautious about their fragile minds but perhaps it's the other way around. Perhaps we are the archaic ones and not ready to enter their world. We're the ones being limited to areas we're allowed to roam while they wait for us to get a clue.

In fact, they might be observing us instead of the other way around.

The Future Of Bigfoot Hunters

It's over. It's done. Bigfoot has been proven by DNA and irrefutable video.

This future scenario will occur, perhaps in the very near future. So, when man no longer has to prove Bigfoot exists, to rush out into the woods and get the money shot or the DNA, what next?

Well, once it is determined what BF is, protections will be put in place.  Harassing, shooting, and otherwise molesting Bigfoot will be illegal. That probably won't stop some nut jobs out there from trying, but for the most part all the legitimate groups seeking to understand Bigfoot will have limitations on being allowed to just roam the woods freely and set up trap cams.

This doesn't mean, however, that there will no longer be a place for them in the world of Bigfootery. I often say it in ghost hunting, but there is a role for everyone. If you can't be an investigator, consider running the website, interviewing clients, studying history of locations, and many other aspects of helping out the cause of understanding and studying phenomena.

Bigfoot hunters have a lot of arenas they can begin to transition into now, in anticipation of the day they may not be welcome to beat down the bushes any longer.  The most obvious one is to concentrate on the numerous other cryptids still out there waiting to be found.  Diversified cryptid hunters like Four Corners Crypto's JC Johnson have already been spending a great deal of time in search of all sorts of things from Thunderbirds to Centaurs, reports of Dogman to chupacabra. These sorts of researchers become keepers of legends and archetypes chroniclers of the backroads and superstition, as well.

A BF'er needs to ask himself why he's doing it in the first place. If he is hoping to get great video or proof of Bigfoot, his heyday is over. He needs a new focus or he needs to leave all together.  If he wants to see one with his own eyes, then DNA results and video released to the public upon reveal of BF's existence should satisfy that desire to know BF is real. Hell, I know giraffes exist, but I don't need to go to Africa to see one.

If he decides he wants to continue to understand Bigfoot and his ways, then at this point in time, before it's official that BF exists, he needs to work his secondary skills.

What might his secondary skills be? Computers? PR? Writing? Experiments? Outdoors knowledge? Anthropology? Archaeology? Spiritual studies? Public speaking? Conservation?

There will be plenty of places in the world of Bigfootery for those who want to perform radio shows, interviews, blogs, and websites pertaining to Bigfoot. Artists will be inspired by still images that are released to the public. Some might wish to follow the current research and discuss on a blog about the possible nature of Bigfoot as he is being studied in a respectful manner by universities and researchers who are monitored in the process to prevent harassment.

My biggest admonishment to those who are field workers is, when this all comes down, if some asshole with a property that has Bigfoot decides to erect walls and open an Jurassic Park where folks can get cabins in the woods and feed Bigfoot, please do not in any way patronize such locations. Shun them and the concept of making Bigfoot an industry.

Believe me, proving Bigfoot is not the big goal. The goal is understanding their part in our world and how they came to be, why they've been able to do what they have and learn a respect for another upright being with intelligence and who really doesn't want to war with us. It's like we found we had a sibling that was adopted out as a child. We are eager to learn what we have in common and to bond.

So, the age of proving Bigfoot should herald an evolution in the Bigfoot research arena. It's not the end of an era, it's the beginning of a new one.  For enthusiasts, their stable doors just opened up and the whole field awaits them. 

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Psychic Bigfoot?

We go to extraordinary means to explain Bigfoot because other options can't explain why we aren't running into them. After all, they are huge, they must eat a lot, they must be breeding, and living in the woods, yet they manage to keep eluding us. They must use a portal or some kind of interdimensional travel, right?
Actually, a much more simple and feasible explanation is psychic skills. We may scoff at such abilities, but it is an unavoidable skill that some humans have developed and display.
Just look at this example of my psychic testing against others (I'm Autumnforest)

It is entirely possible that Bigfoot has developed that part of his brain as a prerequisite to surviving in the woods or perhaps he chose to hide in the woods because he already had the evolved skill (as part of his brain's evolution) and this was the ideal way to hide from the hairless ones and their motives. If you knew when and where someone was entering the woods, do you think you could evade them? Exactly.

I have heard reports from habituators and those who have encountered Bigfoot in the woods and on their properties, that sometimes, it seems as if the Tall Ones can anticipate needs. The person thinks "I wish he'd do this" and then - voila! If you had access easily to those thinking about you, wouldn't you know where to hide if you didn't want to encounter the hairless ones?  If you wanted to have interactions, but needed to know if the hairless one is trustworthy, wouldn't this skill make it possible to decide who gets to see you and who doesn't?

Some might take this notion a step further and ask, "what if they can manipulate our times? Make us forget we saw them, guide us to decide to walk in a different area, confuse us so we forget what we were about to do?" These things have been reported in the woods, wandering and "coming to" to realize you have no idea where you were going or why. Some people report inability to step further. I've had this happen one time in a squatch-dense area. I went to the edge of the clearing, looked into the trees, knew something right ahead of me was watching me, but I could not step forward. It was the oddest thing, especially from someone who is fearless when it comes to potential encounters with the Tall Ones. I literally could not seem to get my brain to tell my legs to move. An invisible wall was formed.

It also might be quite possible that Bigfoots, like us hairless ones, tend to have some who are more powerfully inclined in the psychic realm. These members of their clan might become healers or shaman. 

As well, another possibility is that, because they are very sensitive, they seek to remain away from other "brain chatter." Lots of psychics say this, they hate crowds, places with dark histories, and the like. They are overwhelmed by incoming stimuli.  This would explain a very withdrawn lifestyle, as well as not living in large groups, and being able to know where we are so they can avoid us.

It probably goes without saying that, because of the way Bigfoot is so efficient at avoiding us, They have developed some amazingly intuitive skills.  How far that intuition goes is still up for debate, but if they could be a divergent for of man, they might have evolved in lots of other brain functions that we are weak in, as well as growing exceedingly tall, strong, and hair covered. Together, our weaker hairless bodies might be well balanced by their strength and robust health, and our technical and analytical minds might be balanced by their intuitive and spiritual ones. In fact, if we could mate a human and Bigfoot, we might very well have the ideal human. 

And, that makes one wonder about the government's potential interest. 

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Haunted Highway Comes Back Tonight!

Yahoo!  Syfy is bringing back a show I actually enjoy. It's not the cast I'm thrilled about, not the directing and editing - it's stilted and contrived, but it's the stories and locations - the last season's episodes of Hellhounds and the one in the Bayous really creeped me out.  Tonight's season premiere of Haunted Highway is Island of the Lost Souls in Dry Tortugas.

Bigfoot: Biggest Covert Operation Or Biggest Hoax?

Whether we want to accept it or not, there are only two ways we can take the subject of Bigfoot; either they are the world's most exceptionally shy and elusive tribe or Bigfoot is a hoax perpetuated by thousands of people and continued today for reasons that are unclear.

Talk about a world of insanity? 

No wonder Bigfootery has attracted everyone from charlatans and thieves, opportunists and killers to philosophers and intellects, artists to weekend archaeologists.

Did you ever hear the phrase, "you can't be sorta pregnant?" Bigfoot either does or does not exist. 

Given those two options, we can make only two conclusions; exceptional skills that exceed our own crafty ones or has never existed but is a mass urban legend chased by well meaning believers of the Cult of Bigfoot.

Mass Covert Operation?

If Bigfoot is the most elusive of man's family, how does he do it with our population growth, dwindling wildlife, and so many meatheads rushing in to try and capture them on camera? We can assume a few things about what works to Bigfoot's advantage:

1. Bigfoot was born and raised in a wild place and taught by elders to survive it.
2. Bigfoot is hard to run into. Some folks look their whole lives.
3. Bigfoot has an obviously purposeful directive to avoid us at all costs.
4. Bigfoot must have skills of pre-knowledge of where to go and when to go and how to hide if someone comes across them.
5. Bigfoot is difficult to photograph.
6. Bigfoot is efficient at gathering calories, sleeping, breeding, and all of this without detection by those of us who wander their woodlands.
7. For all our equipment, desire and knowledge, we can't seem to out-strategize them.

Our military men are trained to live commando style in places like forests and jungles, to blend in, to be still, to note changes in the forest to know of incoming outsiders. But, they don't necessarily live there, raise children then, find food in the wild, or other daily activities of Bigfoot. For a being that is sometimes nearly twice our size, has caloric needs, breeding, sleeping, sickness and death - they certainly don't seem to have much in the way of vulnerable moments.

It would seem that, if one is to assume Bigfoot exists, this is the biggest scale universal covert operation of all time - from Orang Pendek in Indonesia to Yowie in Australia, from Yeti in Tibet to Bigfoot in North America. Somehow, they all have remained other and hidden, with a huge priority to not be found. Yet, how do they all decide upon this directive and coordinate it en masse?

Has anything of this scale ever occurred in anthropological archives? We know that pockets of random unknown Amazonian tribes have been stumbled upon, even in these modern times, but never a group of this population, worldwide, all opting to remain remote.

What makes tribes become remote?  It would seem that they set up a village in a very remote area, and grow generations who learn from the elders and, with no one venturing into their region, they remain isolated. In times of distress, needing food or water, or a natural disaster occurring, they move and that is where they might run into modern man.

I believe the same is the likely scenario for finding Bigfoot, however, in the case of Bigfoot, he is not necessarily living in areas where hairless man does not enter - he is living in those places, in spite of our coming and going, so it is not his location that is remote, it is his attitude that is remote.

What remains extraordinary about Bigfoot's secrecy is their united desire to remain removed from the hairless ones and their baffling talents at remaining hidden.

Mass Hoax?

In the case of Bigfoot being nothing more than urban legend perpetuated by desire, belief, wishful thinking and the like, this would mean that our population is either highly gullible or thousands of people are being duped by explainable forest creatures.

When you consider how deeply entrenched Bigfoot is in our culture, it's rather remarkable to think that we built teams of people searching the woods for them just on folklore. This would be like Ireland being overtaken by serious teams and TV shows in search of fairies and elves.

Taking away the "big business" of Bigfootery, the witness accounts of unexpected encounters ring true and jive with each other as an actual being that is found in the woods upon rare occasion when someone is "lucky" enough to stumble upon them. Witness accounts are a way that "tribes" pass on lessons and so when we listen to a witness speak of their encounter with Bigfoot, we see it as knowledge shared. It is in our very makeup as humans to yield to the elders.

As a witness myself, I KNOW they exist, but I cannot do a thing for the people who "believe" Bigfoot exists. Those people's momentum to go in search of and prove Bigfoot is unrelenting and creates a huge spotlight on the subject as film crews, cameras, and "hunters" rush the woods. Believers search for proof - it's in their nature to want to justify their stand on a subject. But, what kinds of evidence are believers building their hopes upon? They watch shows of people searching for Bigfoot, listen to witness accounts, read books, see movies and documentaries and anything they can get their hands on until the cumulative effective of all this "knowledge" is belief.

"It's overwhelming amounts of evidence," one person told me who had not seen one, but fervently believed. The problem with his statement was, when I broke down his "evidence" it involved documentaries and TV shows, what witnesses said, and even fictional movie portrayals that sway one to feel this is "fact" if movies are made based on it.

If Bigfoot is hard to capture clearly on video and photos, it would seem that there is something unusual afoot. Any other creature in the woods can be photographed and identified, even rare jaguars are caught by trap cams. Still, there is always the possibility that film such as Patterson-Gimlin and photographs and videos of varying quality, could be all hoaxed. Look at what spiritualists did with "ghost" evidence of ectoplasm, seances, table tipping and supposed ghost photography at the turn-of-the-20th-century. Of course, today we seem to have more blobsquatches than we know what to do with and a great deal of those are clearly misinterpreted or hoaxed, but that doesn't mean the baby goes out with the bathwater, a percentage of them are legitimately unexplained.

What would be the advantage of hoaxing or even lying about witnessing Bigfoot? Attention? Fame? Money? What would these massive amounts of witnesses have to benefit for saying they saw a Bigfoot or even staging a hoax? Since Bigfoot is an industry these days, it is not unusual. A good video on YouTube drawing ad revenue could do quite well. But, what of the witnesses that don't go seeking fame, fortune or public recognition? What about habituators who claim to be sharing land with the Tall Ones? And, what of the foot tracks all over the country - obviously not hoaxed by the same person, each quit individual in size and contour?

Well, as a community, man can do exceptional things. If a person grows up in a small town in the foothills of Appalachia and there are Christian churches and they are raised among other Christians and taken to church, their belief system is, by default, Christian. They don't question it. If a large group of our population believes Bigfoot exists and it is what we are taught, then, Bigfoot exists.

In closing

Either Bigfoot his perpetrating the largest scale most covert operation known to man or Bigfoot does not exist. Either option is an overwhelming shock. 

There's really only one other explanation and it's just as overwhelming as the two proposed above, one that will twist your mind even further; Bigfoot exists, they just don't exist in the same form we do.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Tonight On Paranormal Geeks Radio

Tonight's guest on Paranormal Geeks Radio is author of the paranormal, Julia DeMaria. 

Born in Brooklyn, New York
Lived and worked in Manhattan then moved to Los Angeles

My career in tv spanned 25 yrs, beginning as Assistant to Producer, and on to Script Supervisor, Assistant Director, Development Manager, Writer

Shows include:  Sesame Street, Best of Families for PBS, Rob Reiner's Free Country, Taxi, Love Boat, New Love American Style, Beverly Hills Cop (Movie), Married With Children, Who's The Boss, Facts of Life, Baby Boomers

TV development for Embassy TV, MGM/UA Television, Paramount Features

Various pilots

Ghost writer on approx 6 books
Page Admin - Big Time Paranormal

Literary projects in the works (3) - 1 romantic novel involving 2 spirits from different eras in history, yet untitled, 1 children's book "Rocky The Magical Airedale," and "1 paranormal story revolving around my experiences with an entity from the time I was 7 yrs. old. This will be fictionalized to protect the innocent (haha)." The working title is "My Secret Horror."

"My relationship with the paranormal began, as far as I can remember, when I was was I was 5 yrs. old, and was steady throughout my life.  With all the new terms applied to various abilities connected to, what we now call the paranormal, I now know I have been a sensitive all my life, with varying degrees of other abilities."


 Yours truly will also be on there for an hour tonight to talk the subjects with the host, Jim Heater.
9 pm EST/8 pm Central/7 pm Mountain/6 pm Pacific

**** Tomorrow on Ghost Hunting Theories "Bigfoot: Biggest Covert Operation or Biggest Hoax?"***

Patty's Credibility

We have debated since 1967 the credibility of the Patterson-Gimlin's "Patty." We elucidate more and more information over time from experts like MK Davis who was the first to stabilize the original film and has continued to give us clearer and clearer images over time.

We are so distracted by the hair on Patty, that people often scoff, "this is a walking ape, yeah, right!" But, if we whittle away the hairiness of this female, we discern some very human features. In fact, we often say Bigfoot has a "no-neck" look but this is the effect created by the fact they have hairiness and long hair - it completely swallows up the neck region to give no definition or curve.

With my limited Photoshop skills, I shaved away the hair to expose structure beneath and get a perspective on her looks without the distraction. 

(utilized a pale skin color to show the musculature and details, but actual skin color is questionable)

I also did it with her body to see what kind of flesh is beneath. When we remove the hair, we realize she's all woman, powerful woman. This is a breed of human that has enormous power. Perhaps her hair follicles are overactive compared to us, but beneath are very human characteristics, though perhaps she has something subtle that is different but significant - proportions.

If we look at her proportions, they are odd. There is something just off that makes costuming infeasible. She looks like a human, walks like a human, but there is something different about the length of certain portions of her, especially her spinal length.  When you look at Patty, the height from her crotch to ground is almost exactly 1/3 of her total height. If you do this with a human - (me on the left),  there is something quite off. I am 68 inches tall (5'8"). If I had her proportions, I would be 96" tall (8')!!

You wonder why Bigfoot is so tall - perhaps we need to look at spinal growth. If they have a dominant gene or a brain structure that affects the growth phase, hairiness, and the growth plates in the bones so that they have a protracted adolescence, the effects of what hormonally drives us to grow would be vastly different. Hormones like steroids would help to build muscle, other pituitary gland hormones for height could be affected, and sex hormones that create hairiness could be different too. If we have a human who has a longer adolescence, more exposure to the hormonal phases, we get a taller, stronger, hairier human. The question is - if Bigfoot are across the board tall and hairy - this is either a dominant trait or they simply evolved to have different brain structure in this branch of the man family.

For the decades I saw this film replayed, I always scoffed. Too convenient that someone went looking for Bigfoot, found one, filmed it just strolling along as his horse reared and there were men and horses and guns in the vicinity. That film was never shown before the famous clip or what was taken after the famous clip seemed highly suspicious too.

It wasn't until I saw a Bigfoot myself that I began to ponder the film again. It looked nearly identical to the one I saw, perhaps the one I saw was a bit more slender, but the gait, the proportions - they were all there and just "off" enough that it didn't seem like I was seeing a hiker in a fur suit.

Why would Patty just stride across the clearing? There's a thousand reasons why but as a mother, the only one I can think of would be to protect her young, to distract. It says a great deal about this human cousin if they would rather be a target than go on the offensive.  I cannot prove either the validity of Patterson and Gimlin and their intentions when taking the film, but I can give some insight into the subject.

The use of a female, the gait which keeps her head level, the wide hips, the enormous muscles, the odd proportions - they are classic. And, as MK Davis has so masterfully delineated clearer images, we can see the swing of her hair and details that were never noticed before. When an image can stand up to that scrutiny over the decades and advancements in film enhancement and graphics, it is worthy of our serious consideration.

Monday, November 25, 2013

Bigfoot: Thanks For the Stuff Humans!

Missing a shovel? Wonder what happened to the kids shoes left at the sand pit in the backyard? Care what became of the ice cooler that fell off the top of your station wagon as you raced down the rural highway? 

Hey, thanks for the stuff. 

Some of it can be useful. Some of it, we're still not sure what to do with, like this - 

 Or this -

and we have had animated discussions about this one-

My brothers think they know what they are, but I have my own theories. 

The first one is obviously the skins of the humans they have slain. When I see these hanging outside an abode, I don't mess with them. 

That round floating object is a false friend. I have seen the young ones pulling them on strings and my theory is that these lonely tykes are pulling a make believe friend along.

The last thing has had me baffled for a good long time. It's clear, thin, delicate but strong. One of my brothers says it is the skin of a human-made snake, some kind of engineered killer reptile. My other brother is certain it's a teardrop of a god. I have my own theory and it's really quite obvious; it's a nut sack. I carry all my acorns in it.

If I could put in a request, I'd ask humans to leave more things like this behind - 

Or this -

and most definitely this ...

Just remember what happens if you tease us with the jerky. I think my baby brother showed what'll happen...

Blobsquatch Ratings

Tornados have Fujita Scale to determine the wind speeds based on ground damage.
Paranormal investigators use EVPs classes to discern the quality of their audio recordings.

So how do we rank the blobsquatches as they dance across our computer screens?

Here’s my suggested rating scale:

Picasso:  These are the ones that are found in the shapes of shadows and leaves in the forest. If someone hands you a photo and says, “...see, it’s to the right of that tree stump, see the eyes up here and the outline of the head and the right side of the neck and an arm down here? What? Are you blind, you can't see that!” (taps on the picture repeatedly) and all you see is sumac and honey locust, then this is in the eyes of the beholder.  In EVP terms, this is a class D. It's a sound, but not language.

Carole King:  Called this because it's " far away."  Damn, why does that Bigfoot have to steer clear of humans? Zoom in until its pixelated, you'll see a black mass. "Yup, aha, that's the son-of-a-bitch, buddy. Right thar. Squint your eyes, son, you'll see it." In EVPs, this would be a class C or something that has to be so enhanced to try and make it out, that it's lost its true content.

Michael Jackson:  These blobsquatches are seen only in partial form, a hand, a half a head, a shoulder or behind.  Somehow, they manage to remain cloaked in every shot.  "He's paparazzi shy, dude. He's totally going Predator here, thinks I couldn't see him, but I caught him. Part of him, that is..."  In EVP ratings, this is a class B. It's something, but everyone sees something different. One of us sees a bear, another a tree stump, and the dude above - a squatch-totally, dude.

Frankie Valli:  Called this because they are "...just too good to be true." Full frontal and in your face.  The Patterson-Gimlin film is one of only a few who are impossible to discern if they are real or not because the details are compelling and the capture so complete.  In EVP ratings, this is a class A. Everyone sees the same thing.

- Separate rankings are required for the best hoaxes –

Wal-Mart:  Uncle Harry wore this too many Halloweens to scare the neighbor kids. The quality of ape suit is crude and color too uniform and black.

Spirit Halloween:  This suit is more stylized and the fur, although uniform in color, has a better more realistic sheen and color.

Tent-Shot Special:  This one was a top end and may have some backers with bucks to purchase. The face is even photographable, leaving the viewer wondering if it’s the real thing.

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Finding Bigfoot Tonight!

Tonight the team heads to Florida to revisit some evidence in an episode called "The Best Evidence Yet."

- Animal Planet -

LAUGH: Flushing Out the Squatch

Another in my LAUGH series involving my favorite show, "Finding Bigfoot."

Today, we find the F'ing Bigfoot team about to tackle woods that look totally squatchy. Having tried a fake deer, torches, fireworks, mannequins, doughnuts and a crying baby doll, the team lead by Matt Moneymaker decides they are ready to flush that stubborn squatch from the woods.

***If this episode reminds you of roadrunner cartoons, it's simply NOT coincidental.** 

Cliff:  (approaches Bobo) What-are-you-doing?

Bobo: (chuckles as he continues to rub peanut butter all over a deer on a leash) Ask the Boss Man.

Matt: You see, Cliff, we're going to try a new technique I'm responsible for inventing. We're going to make this deer smell real inviting and then place this camera on its head (hands camera to Bobo who fastens the strap around the deer's head). Then, we'll release the deer into the woods where SAH-squatches will chase it down and we'll get them on film. I plan on patenting this one. I call it "Deer Vision." 

Ranae: This is utterly ridiculous. The poor deer!

Matt: Okay, Bobo, set the deer free. With that nightvision camera on her head, we'll be able to see just what the deer is seeing.

(Bobo releases the deer from the leash and it goes into the dark woods.)

Ranae: (huddles with the team around the monitor). I have to admit there is some merit in the idea of having a camera on a creature in the forest. If squatches exist, they are not scared of them like humans. From a scientific point of view, I can appreciate that.

  Look at that! You can see the trees and the bushes and... (squints)

Cliff: (Leans over the monitor) That looks like an erect creature standing on two feet. We can only surmise that Bigfoot and bears are the only thing that can do that and this thing isn't shaped like a bear. I-think-we-have-a-squatch!

Ranae: Is that a hat? Wait a minute (turns) Guys, the deer is back, it's staring at Bobo.

Bobo:  Shoo! Go back to the woods little deer! (The deer comes over and stares up at Bobo) Oh, come on, scat! (gestures hopelessly as the deer stands there gazing up at him)

Ranae: Okay, what's next Moneymaker?

Matt: Did you hear someone speaking?

Cliff: Ah, Matt, it's Ranae. The female on the team. You know, the skeptic?

Matt: She's still with us? I thought we lost her in Canada. Damn that Todd Standing and his offers to use her as squatch bait! I knew he'd go back on his promise.

Cliff: Matt, ah, she's standing right beside you.

Ranae: (sighs with exasperation) So, what's next?

Cliff: (elbows Matt in the ribs when he ignores Ranae) Ranae asked what we're doing next.

I have invented a new technique no one has ever used. I call it "Tempting Projectiles." I've saved my shit for an entire week and I'll put a pile of it in the woods, set BoBo up as a human target and the apes will not be able to resist throwing it at him.

Bobo: Wait a minute!

Ranae: (laughs) I think Bobo is saying he takes enough of your shit, he doesn't need more, Moneymaker. 

Cliff: Maybe we should call it a night. It's not feeling very squatchy.

Matt: (rubs his face, sweating, twitching) Look, I've had enough! This show is called "Finding Bigfoot" and we're not leaving these woods until he is in our hands. Do you understand? I think you're all fucked in the head. We're ten hours from the sunrise and you want to bail out. Well I'll tell you something. This is no longer a show. It's a quest. It's a quest for fun. I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun. We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles. You'll be whistling 'Zippity-Doo-Dah' out of you're assholes! I gotta be crazy! I'm on a pilgrimage to see a SAH-squatch. Praise Bigfoot! Holy Shit!

Bobo: (frowns and scratches his head) Hey, didn't Chevy Chase say something like that in "National Lampoon's Vacation"?

Ranae: (takes Bobo and Cliff aside) Guys, I'm really worried about Matt. He seems to have gone over the deep end.

Bobo: How can you tell the difference?

Cliff:  (whispers) You know, I had to explain to him three times last week that just because the show is called "Finding Bigfoot" does not mean that we have to literally find Bigfoot and bring him in. He seems to think it's in our contract.

Ranae: (rolls her eyes) What is he doing now? You know, we all need to keep an eye on him. We don't know what he's going to do next.

Bobo: So, boss man, whatcha doing there?

Matt:  I've set up these mannequins standing around. I'll spread some broken Christmas bulbs around the forest floor and grease up the trees. I've also attached these paint buckets on a rope to swing down. The SAH-squatches will think we have company and if they try to get closer--we'll catch them with all these cool things I rigged around us. This is another invention by me. I get all the credit. I call it the "Home Alone" method.

Cliff: (under his breath) Someone's been watching too many movies.

Bobo: Well, I don't know about y'all, but if he pulls out "Deliverance," for ideas, I'm definitely skeedattlin'.

Cliff: Yeah, I draw the line with pulling a "Harry and the Henderson's" hit-and-run.

Matt: Okay, everyone, now that we have this set up, we're going to run another experiment. Here, the female should wear this. (hands Ranae a piece of red fabric) I call this one "Little Red Riding Hood" (hands her a basket) You just put this on, carry the basket full of bananas through the woods and you are sure to attract a SAH-squatch.

Ranae: The female has a name. It's Ranae. (tosses the cape in his face) And she does not do fairy tales.

Matt: (snarls) I thought this would be the case...dealing with females (storms over to a blanket and pulls it back to expose what's underneath it).

Cliff: (steps back cautiously) Is that a rocket?

Ranae: (voice raises and she steps back cautiously) Does that say "Acme" on the side?

Bobo: (steps back cautiously) Hey, isn't that in the Roadrunner cartoons?

Matt: (throws back his head, eyes glowing strangely and lets out a maniacal laugh. He reaches to light the fuse as the team runs away) Take that, you dumb SAH-squatch! (he laughs as the fuse burns its way up to the rocket. Just when it's about to launch, the light fizzles out and Matt comes closer to have a look when the rocket ignites and fills his face with black smoke, singes of his eyebrows, and makes him cough)

And somewhere nearby in the woods, a Sasquatch calls out "Beep! Beep!"

Early Man: Jocks Versus Geeks?

Neanderthal:  Robust, large brow-ridges, a slightly protruding face, and lack of prominent chin.

Homo Sapien:  Have the smallest brows of any known hominid, and have a flat face with a protruding chin.

Jocks Versus Nerds

Remember by the end of grade school and going into middle school, it became apparent who were the pretty people, who were the jocks, and who were the nerds?

It seemed that there was a natural process whereby a kid who was strongly built, tended to pursue athletics and one who was weaker or perhaps more sickly, developed his mind. There was a process of natural selection and evolution in accelerated form that created the cliques we knew in high school.

Perhaps it was in the earlier times of man when Neanderthal and Homo Sapiens walked the earth. We know Neanderthal was a powerful guy with a strong immune system. Might those attributes been evolved over time to produce a tall, powerful, resilient, but shy race due to lack of mental facilities to feel superior. Could that be the being we now call Bigfoot? A human who did not develop the intellect, but perhaps developed the mastery of the woodlands and living in the wild to an extreme talent that was ideal for his forceful agile nature? This would be akin to the jock having issues with math because he knows how to strategize on the field and tackle, but not finding use in equations.

Might the cranial capacity of homo sapiens and their not as powerful bodies make them desire to develop technology to make them stronger with tools that could compensate for their lack of brawn? Would they find that the use of their minds to develop bigger and better traps for catching kill would help them eat even though they couldn't keep up with racing antelope? Might that mind have made him capable of bringing the food to them by way of agriculture and ranching? Would catching one of those ancient beasts be as foreign to him as a nerd winning a marathon?

And, could this all have led us to this interesting crossroads today with modern man living in buildings, driving cars, and talking on cell phones versus a robust powerful and adept survivor of the woodlands?

"Revenge of the nerds, their time has come!" 

Saturday, November 23, 2013

My Top 5 Favorite Bigfoot Movies

What? I'm only allowed to pack 5 Bigfoot-themed movies to take with me to a desert island?  Sigh....Okay, okay - here goes - 

Harry and the Hendersons:  Funny, lovable, well acted, and an utter classic.  It has plenty of funny and also moments of utter truth that even today - decades later, ring true. Perhaps the best Bigfoot makeup ever done.

Snowbeast:  A 1970s made-for-tv with big-star names. It scared the crap out of me as a kid and it has its moments. I enjoy seeing the old popular 70s stars like Bo Svenson and the snowy atmosphere.  This 1/2 for the setting, 1/4 for the 70s nostalgia, and 1/4 for the scenes that scared me when I was younger.

Creature From Black Lake:  It's campy and dorky and very 70s, but it has some thrills when they record the screams at night and at the end when they camp out in the middle of nowhere.

Letters From the Big Man:  This is my all-time favorite. Beautifully done, considerate, mysterious, contemplative, and very thoughtful. This is perhaps the best portrayal and most realistic I have seen in a movie. Most movies want to turn BF's into big King Kong killers. I wish we had more movies like this.

Mysterious Monsters:  1970s documentary. I like it because it covered a lot of different aspects and witnesses you don't hear about on all the documentaries these days. 

Ironically, many of the Bigfoot movies came out in the 70s, so retro and Bigfoot go hand in hand. I recently did a post on 1970s Bigfoot movies and the list was extensive. But, having developed an interest in our shy neighbors in the 1970s as a kid, 3 of that era's movies had to be on my must-have list.

Here's a few honorable mentions--

Tenure:  A goofy movie that has nothing to do with Bigfoot, but Bigfoot keeps showing up. A college professor wants to earn tenure and his friend, another professor, is a Bigfoot hunter. It makes for some delightful moments.

The Legend of Boggy Creek 2:  This one picks up in a fictional storyline of a professor and his students setting up camp in the bogs to try and find the creature. It's campy, ridiculous, and at times, a bit thrilling. MST3000 did a wonderful commentary on it - another fav! 

A&E Ancient Mysteries Bigfoot:  Not a bad documentary and pretty typical of the genre. 

Desert Bigfoot?

This picture above is of a HoHoKam glyph from before 1000 AD. (enhanced with color so you can see it better). Going to this site in the desert, it dawned on me that their glyphs are readily admitted by scholars to be portraying many anthropomorphs. Was this the case, or were they drawing beings that they shared the land with?

We make assumptions that you must go into forests to find Bigfoot, but there is no reason to dismiss the desert as infeasible. If we agree that Bigfoot is of man's family, he would live where man lives. And Natives lived in the desert for a millenniums. 

(Dwelling above referred to as "Montezuma's Castle" was built by the Sinagua Tribe 800 years ago) 

(Mesa Verde, Pueblo dwelling in Colorado, their dwelling there ended around 1300 AD)

All the resources Native Americans depended upon to live in this inhospitable place, were available to Bigfoot as well. And, don't let a hair-covered body dismiss the feasibility. We have plenty of hair covered critters here and humans with hairy bodies and long hair. That would not be incompatible, in fact, it might protect them more from the sun. We also have more than enough underground natural habitats with caves to be able to comfortably exist in the desert.

In other words, if man can live here - Bigfoot can too - we are of the same family.

The Apache, Hopi, Navajo, HoHoKam, Sinagua, and more tribes have inhabited the Desert Southwest for thousands of years and adapted to the climate, water supply, food sources and more.  Climate change might have been the end for some tribes, but it's believed by many that they didn't go extinct, they simply assimilated into other tribes in other areas as they moved out of dry places.  During this time of advancement and retreat during good weather and bad, the tribes of Bigfoot could have, as well, headed up to the North Country where the mountains and rainfall made it much more feasible to exist. In fact, the Mogollon Rim in Arizona has a great deal of reports of Bigfoot activity.

Do Bigfoot still exist in the desert? I believe they do. Whether they are trekking through or live in cave systems, I can't say, but I heard a compelling story from someone who has lived in the Phoenix area all his life, an older man, who is a skeptic about many things. But, he readily admits, as a kid growing up near the canal system where he fished on the outskirts of Phoenix. He ran into Bigfoot more than once and once face to face, perhaps 55 years ago.

As I stood in the desert outside of Gila Bend, Arizona and studied the ancient glyphs of the HoHoKam tribe, I looked around me to realize that the land was once quite wet, like the Nevada desert where the Paiutes once had an ancient fight with the red-haired giants at the edge of an enormous lake that gave them life and sustenance.  The water still exists in the Gila River. In fact, one man claims to have shot a Bigfoot in that area at a dam. Whether his story was convincing or not, it does make us realize - wherever man can live, Bigfoot can too. 

Friday, November 22, 2013

My Potential Nighttime Bigfoot Encounter

I’ve walked the path in the daytime through most of the thick autumn woods. I know where the lake is, where the tree branches and trunks have fallen down and become a spindly mess in the ravine below, where the rock face begins, where the wild turkeys congregate, and where the deer like to graze.  I feel confident about these woods during my vacation, perhaps because I've enjoyed them with the safe cabin to retreat to.
Tonight, however, I want to experience the darkness and have something of substance to write about in my horror novel involving the woods in autumn and nighttime.
It is a full moon, so I step outside the cabin and walk out into the roadway where I am away from the trees and can see the giant bloated moon dragging low in the skyline and lighting up the trees along the street in a faint blue light. It strangely emboldens me to listen to absolute silence, study the unflinching moon, and peer at the mysterious matted woods around me knowing that I will be descending within and not taking the enormous light with me.
In fact, I do not take a flashlight either.
I step down into the pathway where the last of the moonlight reaches. The air inside the tall trees and thick shrubs is chilly and wet. There are no crickets or tree frogs on this brisk evening, no enchanting lightning bugs; the season has passed. There is only the occasional hollow echo of an acorn dropping and bouncing off the trees on its way to the mulch-covered earth.
It smells of molding damp leaves, mushrooms and black rich earth, pine oils and a lingering sweet hint of rotted blackberries on the vines. I inhale deeply and allowed my eyes to try to adjust. But, adjust to what? I know the path takes me directly down a quarter mile to an abandoned cemetery, but even the path is completely without definition in the nighttime.
I stumble over a tree root exposed in the rich earth and curse at it. Slowing down from a suburban existence is tough. I am without any distractions, light, sound, or company. With this realization, I cross between being human to being part of the woods, a nighttime creature, perhaps a lycanthrope of undetermined threat.
My passage is slow, my hands in front of me to feel the large tree trunks that line the path. I am slapped by nondescript bushes and my sweater is caught by a flapping berry bramble. It extracts blood in payment as I tear away from it in frustration, only to tumble off the path and become disoriented.
Which way is in? Which way is out?
I could very well go deeper into the woods, off the pathway, lost for the night on the mountaintop. How would I explain that to my sister in the morning when she came to my cabin to find me gone and bring a search party to embarrassingly help the “city girl” be extracted from a part of the woods that could have been yards from someone’s property but I had no clue in the darkness; without a flashlight.
I used to frolic in the woods naked as a child. I would play in the creek and refuse to dress until it was time to hike back out. There in my pagan world, I was allowed to be comfortable and honest and true in my skin.
Tonight, I feel the same desire to shed my clothing and become one with the forest, stalking the pathways with a keener nightvision, a heightened sense of smell and hearing while the sense of vision is blunted. Perhaps, in the chilly wet air, my body will feel bracingly alive and also desperate to survive. I will rush wildly and leap over fallen limbs, studying my new wild home for intruders and scaring them from the premises so that it remains my own personal playground.
I do remove my sweater. I am perpetually hot and like the feeling of cool air and the bracing alive sensation it brings. I tie it around my waist and make out the distant moonlight to know that I am turned backwards on the path. I face away from the light and go at a steady downhill pace, learning to see bits of light filtering through the canopy above to give me at least a sense of depth to my environment.
I am making gains as I begin up another hillside, but I stop for just a moment. Beyond the rare plinking of falling acorns, I hear the rustle of a distant bush. Then, the ground reverberates with a heavy footfall. I may live in the suburbs now, but I am a country girl at heart. I know my deer and smaller creatures.
This is neither. It is one single footfall of a good weight. It stops. And the bushes quiet.
Now, goosebumps crop up on my bare arms. I sense something watching me. I know the feeling well. It has never steered me wrong. I stare off into the direction from which the sounds came in search of the reflective glow of eyes.
If I were to get frightened and run now, I would likely run off a granite shelving or straight into a large oak tree. I must keep my wits about me. I am too far into the woods to give up my goal; the graveyard.
I know it is just at the top of the next hill, so I continue my upward climb, occasionally adjusting my footing for the uneven ground, unexpected rocks, and crosshatching of roots. My foot slips on wet leaves and I fall to my knees.
Then, I hear it again, three distinct heavy and purposeful footfalls, moving parallel from me and only perhaps 10 yards away. I get up, brush off my jeans and move forward. I run directly into the wooden post from the lopsided cemetery’s fencing. I put my hands down on it and skirt around into the family graveyard where the trees overhead part just enough to let in some light. The dozen headstones are glowing and pale, brown leaves littering the ground around atop of them. I imagine the fertility of the land with the family and the yearly dropping of leaves and debris enriching the soil more and more with each passing year. I sit down on a post and study my surroundings, relieved to bask in a trace of gray light.
Then, I turn and study the pathway from which I entered, knowing I will be going back into the blackest of black woods and whatever was tracking me, a creature that no doubt came out at night and was gifted with a vision I didn’t possess.
It could see me, but I could not see it!
I take a leisurely and perhaps loitering walk around the headstones, secretly hoping whatever is in the woods has moved on and become bored with stalking the human.
Finally, I move on to the path, amazed at how the milky pale light disappeared into complete and utter opaque ebony. The moon had shifted just enough to offer no overhead drips of light. I stop to adjust my vision as I step down a slick footing of granite and rotted leaves. Stabilizing my balance, I move onto the soft leaf-covered earth and find my downhill bearings off. I slip, then overcompensate, then fall right into a tree.
I hold onto the tree for a moment, my cheek pressed to its deep ridges and inhale the familiar and comforting scent as if hugging a beloved mother.
Trees have always been my protectors and my parents. As a child, when I entered the woods, the silent sentinels kept me safe and in line, giving me landmarks to make my way through the labyrinth of trails surrounding my property.
I don’t want to let this one go. It means going back out into the abyss where I swear that any moment my foot will go over a ledge and I will fall into eternity without a trace. Even though I know there are no cliffs in this area, once the image is in my head, I cannot shake it.
I stop and take a deep breath, step away from the tree and look into the lightless void and realize that, at this moment, I have no definition, I am part of the ecosystem. I am neither detectable or with label. I am nothing and everything at once.
Pagan beliefs run deep in my veins, part of my Nordic and Celtic genes. I realize that I am this forest and this forest is me.
I trudge on with the assurance that I have walked this path earlier and I know that it contains no cliffs or unexpected traps. My eyes are able to make out a faint tree trunk from a single shaft of moonlight and I know that the next hill is coming and I am now in the ravine.
It is in that ravine when I hear it again. It is to my right this time. Perhaps only 10 or 15 yards away. I have taken two steps, it has taken two steps. Only, its steps are heavier and more sure footed. A twig snaps. A sapling ricochets, making a whip-like sound. No deer walks on heavy feet. No deer snaps back saplings.
This time, I take several fast steps, but blunder as I can’t help but watch to the right of me and run right into a briar bramble. Now, the thorns are sticking into my thighs and hands and there are no accompanying footfalls. Cursing, I yank myself free and step back onto the path only to hear the footfalls again.
I hear five or six heavy lumbering footsteps perhaps 30 feet away to my right, following my direction, perhaps closer than before.
It’s parallel still, but if it’s coming in towards my path bit by bit and eventually we will converge in the same spot. It reminds me of the riptides in the Chesapeake and swimming parallel with the shoreline, cutting in a little bit closer with each stroke until you find yourself way down the beach by the time you get out of it. Only, this time the beach will hold not safety but instead some unknown creature.
It hasn’t shown a tendency to run, so I consider that option, only now I’m headed uphill to the final frontier of my trek and not only is it stupid to run up the granite covered slippery leaf encrusted hillside, but I have no vision at this point. In fact, I’m still too far to see the bit of light at the opening of the path that gives away the moonlight.
What the hell, why not?
In my ever stupid way of running like a gazelle with my long legs springing in front of me way too high to be anything but ridiculous, I vault myself over a ledge of granite and dash forward, knees pumping up high, strides long and sure. I get in 10, maybe 12 wide strides before I nearly do the splits on the wet leaves beneath me. I fall to the ground and listen past the heavy sound of my breathing.
It’s moving faster now thrashing the bushes around it, sending acorns down to their final resting place in the loam. I’m completely out of shape at running and this altitude, and my desperate breathing is noisily giving away my location. Whatever it is, took a good dozen or more steps which must have been huge because it was definitely still parallel but much further in the direction I am going. It is now ahead of me.
I’m not scared of you, you stupid redneck!” I yell this and then think better of it.
Sometimes, my ability to self-edit is seriously lacking, especially if I feel threatened. I’m in the hills of West Virginia and truly the only thing on two legs in these woods has to be man, but what kind of man? Who walks the woods without a flashlight, tormenting a woman on a hike? And one with such heavy footfalls?
Perhaps someone who is more at home here than I am?
The movie “Wrong Turn” comes to mind and my heart pounds furiously. I really have no plan of escape. There is only one path out of the woods. If I remain any longer, I allow whoever it is time to intercept me, so I get up and move on, steadily but cautiously. The last thing I need to do is break my leg and be more helpless than I already am.
We’re tracking each other simultaneously now and it's the oddest thing. It’s actually beginning to feel comforting to hear him walk as I walk. At least I’m not totally alone. If he meant me any harm, wouldn’t he have approached me on the path instead of cutting through the thicket?  In a strange sort of way, he's escorting me home.
I can see it now, at the brim of the hill, the bit of gray light from the moon. I am so close to the cabin, I can feel a tendril of fresh air cutting the soggy frigid air. Or, perhaps I am only imaging it because it just seems to be materializing in answer to a silent prayer like some kind of lunar savior. The scent of cabin woodsmoke gives me relief.
I stop to test my stalker. And, he stops too.
Not only do deer shuffle away or leap out of sight when someone is near, but they do not track humans in the woods and mimic their steps. Whatever it is, he’s a heavy son-of-a-bitch and his footfalls make the ground seem to rumble a bit beneath my feet. He is sure footed in the darkness showing that he has no problem navigating his obstacles.
He definitely has one up on me.
I don’t want to let the dark thoughts in, but sometimes in a moment of panic I am fascinated by letting in my worst fear. So, I open the door in my mind and envision Bigfoot. A face-to-face encounter with a primeval terror few ever face. Now, that it’s Bigfoot in my mind, I am racing towards the moonlight, sure that he will reach out with one long hairy arm and use his giant paw to just swat me to the ground, as he is definitely not 20 feet away from me and heading toward my sacred path.
Perhaps only 30 feet to the moonlight and I regain my dignity. I will not run from the woods. I will not act like a city person petrified of wildlife. I’ve been in the woods my whole life and they are my friend. I straighten myself up, take care to put my sweater back on as the nip in the air is no longer refreshing but is downright icy.
The last dozen feet I stroll casually and proudly. Of course, that’s easy for me to do, the moonlight is beginning to cast itself on my chilly body and everything I feared, I left behind me in the darkness. 

(Note: This is one of several alone-in-a-scary-place stories I included in my huge horror short story anthology book "Don't Go There! A Flash Horror Anthology" that includes dozens and dozens of short stories timed so you know how long they take to read and include everything from gnomes to cave dwellers, vampires to ghosts, werewolves to zombies and more!)