Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Mind Fuck Tuesday: Drunken Bigfoot?


Okay, so maybe I spend too much time contemplating weird things. I mentioned this theory to a dear friend in the field of BF hunting and he seemed to be pleased with the notion, so maybe I wasn't too off the mark.

It started out with me seeing a show where monkeys were stealing beers from local diners somewhere in the world. Can't recall where, but I'll take a wild stab it might have been India or Indonesia. Anyhow, the monkeys were hooked. I remembered as a kid, my father was in the alcohol recovery business, putting in programs around the world. One time, he mentioned a study done on monkeys that showed that they become hooked on alcohol just like humans, that they even would eat overripe berries that had fermented to get a buzz.

Then, my mind went to the tendency for man and ape to apparently like to get high and I wondered about Bigfoot. He would certainly fall victim to the same desire. If BF is eating a serious shitload of overly ripe berries at the end of season, might he take more risks to get his buzz? Might he wander out where he's seen more often? Might he be seen more often because his inhibitions diminish and his guard isn't up? So, the only thing left of researchers is to see if he is sighted more often during the time of year that local berries are overly ripe on the vine. It might even help them figure out more accurately where he's traveling along the countryside as he follows the ripening berries and narrow the field of possible locations at any given time of the year.

Of course, the notion of Bigfoot puking on his buddies and mooning the crowd in the thick of heavy drinking is entertaining, but I am definitely on the run should he decide he can do Karoke. I must draw the line with BF's rendition of "Every Rose Has its Thorns."

That said, what do y'all think? Theory has merit or not?

16 comments:

  1. What the Hell! I'll take it because otherwise I got nothin'!

    All I can think of is the Jack Links commercials "Messin' with Sasquatch" LMAO!!!

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  2. Poor BF. Wants to get drunk and party. I can hear the witnesses now, "well, he was really loud and super tall, enormous feet, hairy from head to toe. Oh, and he had a lampshade on his head."

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  3. I'm not sure if it has merit but when we go BF hunting, we need to bring some hard liquor or a 12 pack of beer (along with your special muffins) to entice the beast. We can party with the Bigfoot...

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  4. Yeah, I'm guessing he might like the skunky beer best.

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  5. Theory has merit! Because it both makes a good amount of sense and it's hilarious. Let's get on a study of how many berries it would take to get a BF drunk enough to come down out of his fastnesses like a West Virginian mountain man short on moonshine.

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  6. Alexander;
    You made me laugh. My sister lives at the base of Freezeland Mountain WV and I remember as a kid hiking up the roadway and literally seeing a bunch of bored out of work men drinking moonshine. I think one of them resembled BF, but he was wearing a baseball cap. Hmm....

    I'm thinking if it takes 2 drinks an hour to make a regular person be too drunk to drive, then a creature weighing 4 times more might need about the equivalent of 8 drinks in an hour, right? Now, we need to find out the alcohol content in fermented berries...

    Hmmm... I'm thinking his purple mouth and hands would give him away, don't you think?

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  7. Those animals, that son of a bitch big foot and stupid ass monkeys would be lots of fun to hunt.

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  8. I bet he's growing his own pot too.

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  9. Probably is. There's more than likely a mountaintop of stoners in the NW. On the upside, the smell of pot covers up the skunky odor. You know, perhaps we should have researchers checking to see if a huge hairy man hit up a Dunkin Donuts on a heist.

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  10. I dunno. If Bigfoot weighs 600 lbs, I should think that it would take waaay too many ripe berries to get him drunk. Monkeys are lightweights in comparison.

    Maybe he uses a fake ID to buy the booze he needs? (I'm not condoning it, I'm just thinking outside the box...)

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  11. Spam;
    Yeah, It would keep him busy eating all that, hmm? But, he could be a lightweight and easily drunk. I'm taller than my friends but I get drunk quicker. Still, I think he'd have no trouble with his hairiness and height to pass as 21 or over. Perhaps we should be stopping by all the 7-11s in the Northwest and check some surveillance video...

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  12. Sounds like a good name for a beer "Bigfoot Brew" drink it and feel the call of the wild --- oh wait

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  13. This is some inescapable logic.

    I think you might have too much time on your hands, though.

    Then again, that's what they said about Einstein...

    'nuff said.

    Great post!

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  14. Craig;
    Thanks buddy. I like to think of myself as an idiot savant. :-)

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  15. Recent news (9/8/2011) shows even big animals get drunk. This article shows large animals (elk) can get drunk off apples. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-14842999

    Oh-and even Bears like to get drunk. http://www.usatoday.com/news/offbeat/2004-08-18-beer-bear_x.htm

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  16. Guy, you're freaking awesome! Haha. I used to have a billy goat that hung out under the apple trees in October. Wow, that was fun to watch.

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