Saturday, June 26, 2010

Dale The Doll: The Human Ignores Me!


The human has been ignoring me. I shouldn’t take it as a sign that I did something wrong, perhaps bore her. Perhaps she has moved onto other things? Outgrown me? She left me in the onsie pajamas with the footies. I can hardly seem very manly to her. Not that I want her attention THAT way, but she does seem to be easily distracted by the male species. She must be because whenever she watches “Reign of Fire” she sighs when the two men start fighting and she writes erotica--which she must read out loud. Good God! Of all the indignities I must endure! I'd rather hear her scary horror writing.

She used to look at me occasionally or come by and move me around to reposition me (I appreciated that, I get cramped up in the same position).

I do not need love, you understand. I simply need an occasional show of appreciation for being a companion.

I get so bored, I've taken to watching TV when she is out. What is the human preoccupation with "reality" TV? What reality do these artificially rigged people live in?

You know, I blame it on her lack of fear of me. She has not been unsettled by me since the beginning. When she picked me up in the antique store, her blasted psychic hands told all of my history and she felt, gulp, sad for me.

I am too proud to live with her pity, so I have done my best to make her uncomfortable. Still, she will forgive me anything. That is her nature.

Why did I have to get a tender-hearted horror-loving female as a caretaker?

I think I need a new tactic. I would really like your advice. How can I get her to pay attention to me again? Please leave comments. I will read them and respond in the comments!

16 comments:

  1. Ignore her right back, Dale!

    If that is unsuccessful, try monotonous humming. If you can find the right volume (just loud enough to hear, but low enough to almost ignore...almost). A force to be reckoned with I assure you.

    Or perhaps a pajama burning protest?

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  2. Pangs;
    Now I see why the human likes you. I like the way your mind works. I tried ignoring her right back, but she ignores me even more. A doll's gotta do something to maintain his dignity. The humming, though... not a bad idea at all. You must drive the humans in your life crazy, huh? Very deviant mind. I will have to report back on how that does. I'd burn the damn pajamas, but underneath I'm nothing but old worn linen and I ain't showing my privates for nobody!

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  3. You don't have to burn your own PJs to get the point across.

    However, you are probably right to concentrate an insidious mental torture. Plus, I've seen you pulling names and a doll's dexterity with fire producing implements is probably questionable.

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  4. Definitely play hard to get. Whenever she comes by, act like you're really busy... Maybe hang out with some other humans and make her jealous.

    This neediness isn't going to get you anywhere. You've got to show that you have more confidence in yourself. ;)

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  5. Oh, and wear some sleeveless shirts and flex a lot... That usually helps too.

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  6. Hey, Doc, I see where you're going with this... yeah, I might flirt with her creepy altered babydolls. The scary one she keeps in a cage freaks me out, but the others are not half bad. If I screw my eyes up while I look at them, they almost look acceptable. Thanks! p.s. The human laughs at your blog all the time, but I think I could make wittier comments that she does. She thinks she's so funny. I'll show her who's funny. I'll make her creepy dolls giggle and she'll feel all left out of the doll party.

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  7. Hey little devil dude;
    I heard that! -- Dale

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  8. Perhaps she is just busy and has a life, unlike you little man...

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  9. i COULD say something... if this were NOT a family-friendly blog! :O lol

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  10. Julie;
    You break my heart. And to think, I had you on my short life for a potential girlfriend! Yes, her life is so busy she makes my head spin, but she has time for everyone but me and I am the one who knows all her secrets. In fact, I could be coerced into telling some...

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  11. LaughingWolf;
    The human shows her butt and legs and boobs on this blog. Tell me, tell me...

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  12. Dale - I think I'd go for a more direct approach. Go get the biggest kitchen knife in the house and sit right next to her bed so that you are the first thing she sees when she wakes up.
    I bet she'll start watching you and check up on you more often.

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  13. Cindi;
    The best I can do is a letter opener. You think that might work?

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  14. Yeah, a letter opener should work especially if you could crackle out a shrill "GOOD morning!"

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