Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Sex and the Single Ghost Hunter: I'm Keeping My Name
I know I haven't done a Sex and the Single Ghost hunter in a while and mostly because I have put any hopes of romance on hold and have focused instead on other aspects of my life that have more promise, like my career and working my body into rock hard form to do a bikini shoot--a personal goal.
First, I want to say that I LOVE having my maiden name back again. Every time I see it written or hear someone say it, it's like hearing from an old friend. I suddenly feel like I'm me. The real me!
Now, keeping in mind that I was "taken" from the time I was 16 until two years ago. I can be quite confused and naive about this adult single thing. I'm learning lessons, not always ones I want to, but ones I need to learn to make me stronger. Here's just some of the realizations I've made -
Being single is nothing like "Sex in the City" or "Friends." My images of being single for me were TV shows where the person complains about being single, but seems to get some really hot dates all the time and hangs with friends who lament about her lack of lasting relationships. My friends are all married. They don't lament. The delicious dates? Hardly pounding down my door.
In fact, being single is EXACTLY like when you're married and your spouse goes out of town. You eat what you want, wear what you want, leave the dishes in the sink and fart whenever and wherever you want. After a couple weeks, it loses its "Home Alone" novelty and becomes a lifestyle.
I've learned over and over again that men seem to think that single women are on a shelf and can be taken down and played with when they want and neglected otherwise. I say to them:
1. I am not here for married and taken men to have red-haired fantasies, to talk dirty or send me your naughty pics when you are bored on a Saturday night and then move on back to your partner and never speak to me again. If you have a significant other, I am not interested. That's not negotiable. I'm looking for truly single men, not men who aren't getting some at home.
2. I am not here to promote your books, website, business, or anything else because I know that the minute I do, I will never hear from you again. Don't try romancing it out of me. If I find what you're doing to be genuinely exciting and your efforts impressive, I will promote you. I don't need a thing from you. I simply do that. I do it every single day spontaneously for good folks who never even asked for it. I like to keep Indie growing and have talent seen.
3. I am not here to counsel you and help you through your issues so you can make it up with your ex or go out and find the ideal woman and then never talk to me again. Don't pretend to be all into me and complimenting me, flirting with me, and then have me fix your broken pieces so you can find someone else. If you want a friend, I'm a friend. There is no need to treat me like you're interested in me in any way but a confidant. No mixed messages, please.
A couple simple things I've learned about being alone is that it is exceedingly lonely, but when I look around me, I realize that I created a world, I didn't inherit it. In my childhood, it was my parents' home. In my marriage, my ex had utter control. As I sit in my place, I realize I had my hand in everything, I created it, I own it. This is my world. That's heady stuff for someone who had to share a world for all but the last 2 years of her life.
I'm not sure what the future will bring, but I do know I want to have the love of my life and I want a man to know in his heart I am the love of his life. I never experienced that. If such a miracle occurs, perhaps our worlds will merge into one. But, this time, I am not a young girl, I will continue to make my decisions, own my destiny, and keep my simple name, Sharon Day. It's who I am.