Thursday, April 28, 2011
True and Insane Things Human Beings Do
I've been in my industry too long, typing up medical reports. Every day is something insane and new about humankind. The ones that crack me up and have had plenty of time between then and now to actually reveal them, without saying where or who--here's some things humans do.
One man had an apple up his ass. Yes, a medium-sized apple. I had to ask the doctor, "he took that apple a day very seriously, hmm?" He replied dryly (as only a doctor who's seen it all could), "yes, the high-fiber diet, I believe."
One man was pulled over by the cops, walking down a roadway with a ladder and a length of rope. He was going to hang himself, just looking for a tree. In the desert. (Yes, he was pleasantly drunk)
One lady dropped her wallet in a toilet on the train. She arrived in the ER with her hand still in the toilet that the paramedics had removed from the train.
One man got in a bizarre accident. It seems that he and a friend who were both wheelchair bound, tied their wheelchairs together since his was not electric, but his friend's was. His friend "towed" him along the roadway where a motorcycle drove through the tow line. The wheelchair guys survived, but the motorcycle dude died. And, the wheelchair dudes were charged with drunk driving.
One man threw a frozen turkey at his mother for not making Thanksgiving dinner. He broke her cheekbone.
One woman brought her child to the ER because her legs went numb. When asked when her legs became numb, the woman told them that it was when her daughter was on the toilet. How long was her daughter on the toilet? Oh, the woman told them, a long time--she tended to be constipated. The girl's legs were fine now. So, the doctors put her on a toilet to test it out. Her feet did not touch the ground. Case solved.
One man smoking some bath salts, swore there were bugs under his skin. He clutched at his arms and made grimacing faces. He took the tweezers from the doctor's tray and began digging deep into his arms and hands to show him the bugs... if he could only catch one!
I've learned a lot about human nature and that is that we are all freaks!
at 12:30 PM