Sunday, September 26, 2010

Halloween Series: Interview with Victor Crowley "Hatchet" or "I was a Bayou Bride"


AUTUMNFOREST: Victor, tell me how it is that you came by the career of killing people in the bayous.

VICTOR: I was lonely.

AUTUMNFOREST: So, you killed visitors?

VICTOR: (nods dumbly) You’re purdy.

AUTUMNFOREST: Thank you. (scoots her chair back in the bayou shack) Do you get out of the swamp very often?

VICTOR: I never leave. (plays with the sharp edge of his hatchet)

AUTUMNFOREST: I have to say that you certainly managed to outsmart all the people who came on the tour of the bayou and killed them in some inventive ways.

VICTOR: (toothless grin) I’m smart. I’m not stupid. Those people were stupid. (snorts)

AUTUMNFOREST: Do you feel you’re done with killing now?

VICTOR: (Grunts) Naw. They had me do a Hatchet 2.

AUTUMNFOREST: I understand that’s coming out in October.

VICTOR: (shrugs)

AUTUMNFOREST:
Do you plan to go to the premiere?

VICTOR: Would ya go with me, purdy lady?

AUTUMNFOREST:
(Gets up out of her seat) S-sorry, Victor. I have to get going now, back to the city.

VICTOR: Ya ain’t goin’ anywhere! (storms the door and locks it)

AUTUMNFOREST: (studies her escape routes and there are none) Victor, you need to let me out or I can’t publish your brilliant interview.

VICTOR:
I ain’t got a lady wife.

AUTUMNFOREST: Well, let me go and I’ll find you one.

VICTOR: I got one right here! (comes closer)

AUTUMNFOREST: No, no, you don’t want me as a bride. I-I’m no fun to be around. I get sick in the swamps and I’m afraid of alligators. Y-you could do so much better with a nice local bride. I think I know just the girl. Let me go get her and send her back here….

VICTOR: (stomps) No! I want you! Go cook me a meal. (points to the shabby stove and cabinets)

Autumnforest retreats to the kitchenette and looks for something to cook, her mind working fast to find a way out of the cabin as she cooks some Spam in a rusty pan.

VICTOR: That smells good, wife.

AUTUMNFOREST: Come and smell it up close.

Victor edges up to her and stares into the pan. Autumnforest swings the pan up into his face and clunks him, rushing from the room to the door and out into the swamp. She waves frantically from the edge of the bayou as a fan boat goes by and slow down to help her get on board. Victor approaches them and the boat speeds off.


Yes, that was the closest call of all the interviews. For a moment there, I was very nearly a bayou bride. I’ve learned my lesson from that one not to interview someone in an isolated swamp. But, still, some of the other Sunday interviews are in very creepy places….

P.S. John and Season of Shadows is having a wonderful Halloween art giveaway--just fantastic!

3 comments:

  1. Whew, another close call for my little sis. Sorry I couldn't go with you on this trip, I was coloring my hair.

    ReplyDelete
  2. It was a killer marriage Autumn. Great this one ended in, you can say, divorce.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yeah, not an amicable separation, but at least I wasn't separated (with his ax). har har

    ReplyDelete

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