Monday, April 19, 2010

Dale the Doll: She Should Be Scared of Me



(Another installment written by my home decoration, a ventriloquist doll named Dale. He likes to get up at night from his display and wander the house. He thinks I don’t know he blogs, but I run across his posts…he’s not that smart)

I wander the house at night. What else is there to do while the world is silent? I’m used to the TV running, the radio blaring, the human knocking around pots and pans and laughing on the telephone.

I don’t need people, but I do need their noise.

My first stop of the evening is the human’s bedroom. She sleeps funny. I noticed that she has some kind of long weird pillow she wraps her body around when she sleeps. It looks most awkward to me. Her hair is everywhere and I can barely see her face. One time, I made some noise to see if she would open her eyes and stare at me. I laughed so hard, imaging her horror at having my face so near hers when she was unsuspecting. But, she ignored my attempts at waking her. Just as well, I will find another way to frighten her. She is not easy to spook, but I am ever determined.

I overheard the human and I think she is planning to take me on some kind of road trip in May. I do so hope Miss Julie is coming along, I would like more time on her lap! I think the human is hoping to pose me in haunted locations and abandoned spots to do a series of me being a creepy thing in creepy places. She does not understand the seriousness of my threat. I am not a baby doll or some other benign toy. I am a ventriloquist doll, the embodiment of being human-like and even speaking, and yet having no soul

Do you know why ventriloquist dolls like their lives? Because their owners put their hand up inside us and move our mouths, saying all the things we wish to say about the humans. When you hear the banter on the stage, that is really us willing our words onto our owners. It is a remarkable life. We get to voice our very deepest and resentful feelings towards the living…

15 comments:

  1. If I woke up one night to find a doll staring back at me, "frighten" would not be the word for it.

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  2. You have a freaken awesome imagintion! So funny at 7 am!

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  3. Glad ya'all enjoyed it. Dale has done some articles in the past. You can do a search in the search bar on the right hand side for "Dale the Doll" and find them. He's opinionated.

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  4. I don't mind you coming along on our trips but not in my lap. The fact that you are running around Sharon's house while she is sleeping is creepy enough. You better not do that at the hotel while we sleep or I will take you out.....lol. I like the idea of taking pictures of Dale in various places around Globe. That should be fun.

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  5. Hey Julie;
    I was thinking of doing a YouTube vid of him in sinister places in sinister ways...Just his presence in already scary places is pretty neat. He will, however, sleep inside the suitcase and zipped closed. He hasn't mastered zippers yet. I now that, because he hasn't stripped himself down yet (I know he hates his outfit). In fact, I think I'd like to go find him a baby western costume to wear and a cowboy hat--couldn't be creepier than that! Off to shop in the newborn section--I love when sales people ask whose baby I'm shopping for...

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  6. sorry, that doll freaks me out so much, i can't even read this story.

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  7. Sandra;
    So, you think you might have the courage to watch his YouTube video I'm making in May? hee hee

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  8. I really just want to know where Dale got his sweater vest. Does he do fashion blogging on occasion?

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  9. Chris;
    Isn't he spiffy? When I bought him, he was in an antique shop calling to me. As someone who can read objects, I got a sense of his nature and decided he was ideal, plus I wanted to get over a fear of these damned dolls. I'm counterphobic--tend to do things I'm scared of to kill off the fear. Well, he had on nothing but a baby's christening outfit, so I went to Target and checked out the baby section. The sales lady kept bugging me "is it a boy? how old is he?" and I burst into laughter and admitted it was for a ventriloquist doll and she made a face and said "Oh God! I hate those things" and took off. I'm going to Target again and see if I can find a newborn cowboy outfit for him. He needs a new look for the YouTube vids I want to do...

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  10. Do we have to bring Dale along? I wouldn't want Rosalie and the other guests to think we were too weird......

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  11. Don't worry, Debe. Dale is going purely for photographic experiences on the road.

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  12. Sweet! These dolls are creepy..not as creepy as clowns...but creepy. Can't wait until "Thelma, Louise, & Dale" hit the road for some really cool videos! Dale should have his own personal travel journal for Sharon (I mean the human) to post. LOL

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  13. Oh, what mischief Dale will cause when *dolled* up in his wee Western gear. I can feel his smoldering stare already.

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