New Season Of Finding Bigfoot!

They're back on Animal Planet tonight!

You know, I live for F'ing Bigfoot fun. I love the interviews with witnesses, the locations, and the odd tools they use in the field.

F'ing Bigfoot quiz -

Which item have they NOT used to entice Bigfoot?

Crying baby doll
Mannequin
Disco lights
Menstruating woman
Bunny
Torches
Bacon
Babboon
Fake Deer

My favorite member, Cliff, is not only seriously enthusiastic about the subject and nature, but he spends an enormous amount of his own time outside of the show researching, hiking, camping, and trying to elucidate answers about the Tall Guys. He's a gosh-darn all around good guy.

Ranae is smart, level-headed, honest, and won't tell them what they want to hear, but what they need to hear - a voice of reason. Sometimes, it falls on deaf ears. Other times, she is the one left baffled by something unexplainable. She holds her own up against the guys and is fearless and driven by a very logic-based, highly intelligent mind.

Bobo may be folksy and casual, but his obsession with the Tall Man is an honest one and he's willing to go anywhere, do anything, just so long as he can break bread with his new buddy. He's a wonderful balance to the often dower-faced no-nonsense leader.

 

Matt is the leader of the team and sometimes butts heads with Ranae in a delightful way I portrayed in some of my comedy pieces (LAUGH button at the top of the blog). He sometimes dances the edge of paranoia and suspicion about Bigfoot and believing that everything is proof of Bigfoot. He has inspired many of my memes because he's just so, gosh-darned entertaining.

LAUGH: Finding Bigfoot In the Snow

I have a tendency to make loving fun at the shows I most enjoy. "F'ing Bigfoot" (as I like to refer to it) is my most beloved new show on TV.

In this episode, we find the team searching for BF in the icy mountainous terrain of Colorado in search of the popularly termed "Snowbeast."

Ranae: (Lifts her pack over her shoulders and hikes through the snow) Boys, if you are all done urinating your names into the fresh snow, could we please move on before nightfall?

(the men track in after her towards the treeline)

BoBo: So, I don't get it. Technically, if this is a Snowbeast, it should be white. That'd make it a Yeti, right? So, what's Yeti doing in Colorado? Does his coat change when he goes down in the off season to lower elevations. If he does that, wouldn't it make him like a mood ring? I once had this mood ring when I was a kid and the dang thing was always blue. Maybe he's related to a chameleon. You think that's possible, huh? Cause if it is, he might not be a hominid. He'd be like some kind of lizard man which reminds me of the lizard man in the Carolinas. Did you see what that SOB did to that person's SUV? I wonder if the insurance paid for that. What do you write when you make that claim, huh?

(Matt smacks him upside the head)

Ranae: This looks like a good place to set up.

Matt: I think this area looks ideal for setting up camp and some trap cameras in the periphery (points around them).

Ranae: (to Cliff) Didn't I just say that?

Cliff: Matt, I think Ranae chose this location.

Matt: (forehead wrinkles) Are we letting viewers pick our spots now? Jesus! Do we want this to be like "Ghost Hunters" having on special guests from wrestlers to housewives to, heaven forbid, Meredith Vieira?

Cliff: No, Matt, Ranae is on our team--the girl. You know, the skeptic?

Matt: (shrugs his pack off his shoulders and sighs wearily) She's still with us?

Ranae: Ah, I can hear you Cliff.

BoBo: Whatcha want me to do this time? Huh? Huh? (excitedly waves) Maybe I could stand in for the Snowbeast and you can see if I look like him. Maybe I could run across the field real fast and you could clock my speed. Remember that time it took me 50 takes to get just the way you wanted, Matt? You want me to be your pack horse again? I can carry all your heavy gear to prove the strength of the Bigfoot like that experiment you had me do on that 18-mile hike. Do you need me to be your car jack when you work on your truck again, Matt? Remember that time you left me in the meadow overnight when it was pouring rain and 40 degrees because you wanted to see if Bigfoot could stand the cold and the rain? I can't wait to see the experiment this time (claps his hands excitedly).

Cliff: BoBo, we were kind of thinking you might be a good lure for Snowbeast.

BoBo: (grins proudly) So, you want me to be bait, huh? So, what do I do? Beat on my chest and holler? (pounds on his chest and screams)

Matt: (comes over and shoves two snowshoes in BoBo's hand) You're going to wear these Bigfoot snowshoes and make impressions in the snow. Bigfoot surely is desperate to find more of his kind. You just walk your way through the forest and head on back here where we can be ready to snare him with my camouflage netting (points up to the trees where a net is suspended)

Cliff: Here, you should wear this Ghillie suit too (hands it to BoBo). It'll make you look more like a Bigfoot if he sees you.

(BoBo hoists the fluffy suit on and then the snowshoes)

Ranae: BoBo, I'm just go help you smell right. (Ranae holds her nose and sprays the Ghillie suit with a horrible stench)

BoBo: (gags) What is that?

Matt: It's my own special blend. I'm thinking of marketing it. It's the musk of a baboon mixed with orangutan dingleberries, the sweat of a fertile chimp and the spit of a gorilla. There's a subtle undernote of skunk and stinkbug juices. (inhales it deeply and sighs dreamily) Isn't it remarkable? It's like perfume of the gods! (dabs some behind his ear)

Ranae: (elbows Cliff) You get to ride shotgun on the way back.

Matt: So, BoBo, how good are you at sashaying?

BoBo: (forehead wrinkles) W-what?

Ranae: (chuckles) I think what Matt is trying to tell you is that, (she reaches into her backpack and pulls out two balled up pairs of socks and stuffs them inside BoBo's ghillie suit) You're going to be a girl Squatch.

BoBo: (frowns) I'm gonna be a g-girl squatch bait? (gulps)

Cliff: (checking the ghillie suit to be sure it's fastened) Now, you be sure and alter your Squatch call.

BoBo: Alter it?

Cliff: Yeah, buddy, (slaps him on the arm) Can you do a kind of Shania Twain scream?

Matt: I actually think a Christina Aguilar scream might be attractive to the beast.

Ranae: (under her breath, rolling her eyes) Attractive to the beast or you? (snorts) BoBo, just go out there and there and walk around, we'll film your footprints, look at you on the FLIR and shout that we see something in the trees, cut away to a commercial and before you know it, the show is cobbled together to look like a mythical beast was chasing you. (leans in and whispers to him) We all know this is a ridiculous endeavor, but my ass is cold. Let's get going, shall we? There's a hot latte at Starbuck's with my name on it! (slaps him on the back)

(BoBo stomps away in the snow as the last bits of light disappear and a moonless night begins. An hour goes by and the team stomps in place and hugs themselves to stay warm, occasionally hearing a pitiful wavering cry in the forest)

Cliff: Poor BoBo. He sounds like Carol Burnett doing the Tarzan call. Maybe we should call him in?

Matt: Wait! I'm getting a figure on the FLIR. It's walking upright! Oh holy hell! It's huge! Get ready, Cliff. Go to the net, be ready to drop it. That beast is almost here. Three. Two. One. Drop the net!

Cliff: (pulls the cord and drops the net) Wow! I can see something struggling. (turns on his flashlight and hovers over the struggling figure in the netting)

Ranae: Well, I'll be! That thing is hairy, big and smelly. Just like people have been reporting. I'm feeling pretty stupid about now. Obviously, this creature did exist.

Matt: (turns to film crew) Put that on record. The female skeptic admitted Bigfoot exists!

Cliff: Ah, Matt, it appears we've caught BoBo (pulls at one of the snowshoes through the netting).

(an hour later, the team is driving off in their truck down a snowy back road)

Ranae: This heater feels soooooo good.

Cliff: Hey, you think BoBo might like an apple?

Matt: I don't know, why don't you find out?

Cliff: (rolls down the window, BoBo jogging alongside the truck in the Ghillie suit and snowshoes, breathing hard)

BoBo: S-ure. So, I'm just gonna run alongside the truck back to the hotel, huh? See if Bigfoot could keep up with a car. G-great experiment. Th-that Matt is one s-smart guy!

(Cliff hands him the apple, rolls up the window and Matt turns up the heater)

Finding Bigfoot Memes

I adore the show "Finding Bigfoot." It's a total blast and, given my weird sense of humor, I can't help playing a loving tribute to the cast and their situations -

Review of Finding Bigfoot

Last night was a 2-hour special from Australia in search of the Yowie, the Aussie equivalent to BF.  They found a good witness who is an expert on biology. Not a bad person to have witnessing a Yowie, but Ranae wasn't sold. Since it was the size of Bobo and the encounter wasn't all that clear, she said she thought the witness was awesome, but the encounter isn't necessarily a Yowie.

BEST LINES
Bobo:  Basically he was my size and my height, so you're saying he was built like a Greek god?
Bobo:  I'm not sure what the Yowie was doing, but I'm pretty sure he was doing something to get some grub.
Cliff:  I'm practically playing patty cake with two of them!
Ranae:  I'm right here you big hairy fella.
Matt: So you and me, birdie, we're camping here tonight.
Bobo:  Ranae's horse is as a Prince fan, purple reins.
Cliff:  This is a Yowie buffet.
Ranae: This is a Yowie bite-sized portion.

They did some nighttime wood knocking. They got a thump back. Bobo decided to put an Aussie drawl on a Yowie call.  Bobo tried to use a Didgeridoo to make some low tones. When the nighttime hunt didn't produce much, they decided to do a town hall meeting. Poor Bobo, a kid had knocked a tooth out on him during one filming of a previous show and then he got a huge cut from a boomerang on this one.

I liked the town hall meeting. Their dialects are so beautiful to listen to and it sounds very similar to American accounts and conditions.  Gutted goats were hanging in a tree without their organs in a scene like "Predator."  Terrain and food sources looked very promising and the untouched land was so vast and tropical. It was ideal for him to hide and hide easily.  Ranae found the forest to be very creepy at night, alive with sounds of lot of creatures.

Bobo went in search of an unusual creature called a Brown Jack. Matt on a solo expedition hopes to attract Yowie with the smell of smoke and cooking meat. He attracts...a bird. A man tells a story of the car shaking when he was sleeping in it.  The car had deep dents on the roof and two huge  footprints on the ground. The team was divided on whether it was Yowie or not.

Bobo, Ranae and Cliff went in search of Yowie in an area where folks were reporting it recently. They got horses and took off.  They tried some knocks and got a response. Cliff tried claps and got good responses. Ranae heard something big moving around her and asked them to bring a thermal so they could see what it was. Cliff looked with the thermal and didn't see anything and then they heard a scream.

They decided to put a radio collar on a kangaroo because the kangaroo preserve is where they are reported around and a potential ongoing source of protein. Bobo thought he heard someone talking on the night investigation tracking the kangaroo.  He said it was a language he hadn't heard before and not aboriginal.

It was good to see them looking for another BF relative in a really different location, but I admit that for a 2-hour special, I would have rather heard more witness reports and less of Matt feeding a bird meat, watching rugby, and playing on the beach. Witness reports are those moments when you want to turn down the lights and get creeped out.

Next week--Washington State -

Finding Bigfoot: Reviewed

New season of F'ing Bigfoot is officially underway with last night's season opener in Idaho.

I really freaking missed these guys. It seems like forever since the last season ended and Animal Planet has been rather skimpy at reshowing old episodes in the interim. Come on folks at AP--get on that right now! It's gotta be one of the viewers' most loved shows.

The hour before the new episode, they had an adorable heartwarming episode that was behind the scenes of the show. We got to know the characters better and things that go on we don't know about. A little bonus for those of us who waited forever for the new season.
 
The team went up to SE Utah in search of a BF supposedly filmed by some high school kids on an exploration for school. Not real promising when investigating it though.

A local witness teen who saw one in a place that was quite open, showed it to Bobo who declared this Bigfoot was not a rocket scientist, one of the dumber squatches. 

Ranae went camping alone. Then, Matt and Cliff went to check out a promising location a man saw a juvenile squatch.  Ranae used herself as bait, calling out and telling them she was alone and to come visit her. If you can't get a date with a Bigfoot when you're the only female in the woods, is it time to hang up your pumps?

Moneymaker shared a "Castle and Moat" theory -- BF choosing to be in a location that if he runs into someone, he can cross the terrain but the human could not.  Cliff mentioned "nurseries" or areas where BF drop off their young that is abundant in places to hide, water and food. 

The team met Dr. Jeff Meldrum at the university who is considered a specialist in Bigfoot and especially having an extensive footprint collection.  Ironically, he thought the video and the photo of the footprint were all Bigfoot. I wonder if they brought him a Jack Links commercial if he'd verify he's real.  I thought it was interesting the team took Dr. Meldrum's advice on the ideal place to find BF but after decades of searching he's nailed where they are...

Bobo suggests they have a rave.  Cliff is happy that Bobo's dream is coming true; to have a disco party with his BF pals? Yeah, this'll work because BF is totally attracted to huge bonfires with people playing CCR on their truck stereos, laughing and drinking.  You should see what he does when it's lightning bug season!

I give them super kudos for reveling in their ridiculous experiments and I don't know how I could live without being able to make awesome fun memes like the one above.  Keep it up, y'all. Scooby Doo has nothing on you!

LAUGH: Finding Bigfoot: Flushing Out the Squatch

Another in my LAUGH series involving my favorite show, "Finding Bigfoot."

Today, we find the F'ing Bigfoot team about to tackle woods that look totally squatchy. Having tried a fake deer, torches, fireworks, mannequins, doughnuts and a crying baby doll, the team lead by Matt Moneymaker decides they are ready to flush that stubborn squatch from the woods.

***If this episode reminds you of roadrunner cartoons, it's simply NOT coincidental.** 

Cliff:  (approaches Bobo) What-are-you-doing?

Bobo: (chuckles as he continues to rub peanut butter all over a deer on a leash) Ask the Boss Man.

Matt: You see, Cliff, we're going to try a new technique I'm responsible for inventing. We're going to make this deer smell real inviting and then place this camera on its head (hands camera to Bobo who fastens the strap around the deer's head). Then, we'll release the deer into the woods where SAH-squatches will chase it down and we'll get them on film. I plan on patenting this one. I call it "Deer Vision." 

Ranae: This is utterly ridiculous. The poor deer!

Matt: Okay, Bobo, set the deer free. With that nightvision camera on her head, we'll be able to see just what the deer is seeing.

(Bobo releases the deer from the leash and it goes into the dark woods.)

Ranae: (huddles with the team around the monitor). I have to admit there is some merit in the idea of having a camera on a creature in the forest. If squatches exist, they are not scared of them like humans. From a scientific point of view, I can appreciate that.

Matt:  Look at that! You can see the trees and the bushes and... (squints)

Cliff: (Leans over the monitor) That looks like an erect creature standing on two feet. We can only surmise that Bigfoot and bears are the only thing that can do that and this thing isn't shaped like a bear. I-think-we-have-a-squatch!

Ranae: Is that a hat? Wait a minute (turns) Guys, the deer is back, it's staring at Bobo.

Bobo:  Shoo! Go back to the woods little deer! (The deer comes over and stares up at Bobo) Oh, come on, scat! (gestures hopelessly as the deer stands there gazing up at him)

Ranae: Okay, what's next Moneymaker?

Matt: Did you hear someone speaking?

Cliff: Ah, Matt, it's Ranae. The female on the team. You know, the skeptic?

Matt: She's still with us? I thought we lost her in Canada. Damn that Todd Standing and his offers to use her as squatch bait! I knew he'd go back on his promise.

Cliff: Matt, ah, she's standing right beside you.

Ranae: (sighs with exasperation) So, what's next?

Cliff: (elbows Matt in the ribs when he ignores Ranae) Ranae asked what we're doing next.

Matt: I have invented a new technique no one has ever used. I call it "Tempting Projectiles." I've saved my shit for an entire week and I'll put a pile of it in the woods, set BoBo up as a human target and the apes will not be able to resist throwing it at him.

Bobo: Wait a minute!

Ranae: (laughs) I think Bobo is saying he takes enough of your shit, he doesn't need more, Moneymaker. 

Cliff: Maybe we should call it a night. It's not feeling very squatchy.

Matt: (rubs his face, sweating, twitching) Look, I've had enough! This show is called "Finding Bigfoot" and we're not leaving these woods until he is in our hands. Do you understand? I think you're all fucked in the head. We're ten hours from the sunrise and you want to bail out. Well I'll tell you something. This is no longer a show. It's a quest. It's a quest for fun. I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun. We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles. You'll be whistling 'Zippity-Doo-Dah' out of you're assholes! I gotta be crazy! I'm on a pilgrimage to see a SAH-squatch. Praise Bigfoot! Holy Shit!

Bobo: (frowns and scratches his head) Hey, didn't Chevy Chase say something like that in "National Lampoon's Vacation"?

Ranae: (takes Bobo and Cliff aside) Guys, I'm really worried about Matt. He seems to have gone over the deep end.

Bobo: How can you tell the difference?

Cliff:  (whispers) You know, I had to explain to him three times last week that just because the show is called "Finding Bigfoot" does not mean that we have to literally find Bigfoot and bring him in. He seems to think it's in our contract.

Ranae: (rolls her eyes) What is he doing now? You know, we all need to keep an eye on him. We don't know what he's going to do next.

Bobo: So, boss man, whatcha doing there?

Matt:  I've set up these mannequins standing around. I'll spread some broken Christmas bulbs around the forest floor and grease up the trees. I've also attached these paint buckets on a rope to swing down. The SAH-squatches will think we have company and if they try to get closer--we'll catch them with all these cool things I rigged around us. This is another invention by me. I get all the credit. I call it the "Home Alone" method.

Cliff: (under his breath) Someone's been watching too many movies.

Bobo: Well, I don't know about y'all, but if he pulls out "Deliverance," for ideas, I'm definitely skeedattlin'.

Cliff: Yeah, I draw the line with pulling a "Harry and the Henderson's" hit-and-run.

Matt: Okay, everyone, now that we have this set up, we're going to run another experiment. Here, the female should wear this. (hands Ranae a piece of red fabric) I call this one "Little Red Riding Hood" (hands her a basket) You just put this on, carry the basket full of bananas through the woods and you are sure to attract a SAH-squatch.

Ranae: The female has a name. It's Ranae. (tosses the cape in his face) And she does not do fairy tales.

Matt: (snarls) I thought this would be the case...dealing with females (storms over to a blanket and pulls it back to expose what's underneath it).

Cliff: (steps back cautiously) Is that a rocket?

Ranae: (voice raises and she steps back cautiously) Does that say "Acme" on the side?

Bobo: (steps back cautiously) Hey, isn't that in the Roadrunner cartoons?

Matt: (throws back his head, eyes glowing strangely and lets out a maniacal laugh. He reaches to light the fuse as the team runs away) Take that, you dumb SAH-squatch! (he laughs as the fuse burns its way up to the rocket. Just when it's about to launch, the light fizzles out and Matt comes closer to have a look when the rocket ignites and fills his face with black smoke, singes of his eyebrows, and makes him cough)

And somewhere nearby in the woods, a Sasquatch calls out "Beep! Beep!"

LAUGH: Finding Bigfoot Matt's Theories

This is another in my series poking loving fun at the paranormal-reality shows. This time, the focus is my favorite show, “Finding Bigfoot” and most especially the team leader, Matt Moneymaker who, well, gives me a lot of material to work with and his nemesis, Ranae (the skeptic).

In the dark forest, Matt and Ranae are teamed on a hillside, sitting it out for the night.

Ranae: (comes to a stop) Look, it's a dead deer.

Matt: Don't move! There's a squatch around here. (searching around them in the dark forest) This kill is new. Squatches kill deer for food.

Ranae: But, Matt, this deer hasn't been touched.

Matt: (snarls) It would have eaten it, but we scared him away.

Ranae: This thing has rigor mortis. It died long ago. It doesn't have any cuts or bleeding. It might have fallen off that rock ledge up there and broken its neck.

Matt: I'm telling you, it's part of a master plan by the squatch. (points a finger in the air) He kills a deer and leaves it here as a snack for later on. It's like we're standing in a pantry for the squatch. (coyote howls and he startles and steps back).

Ranae: (sighs) Coyote.

Matt: No! Shh! (listens) That's a squatch! Don't let him fool you. He sounds like a coyote to confuse the humans.

Ranae: Why would a squatch do that? How would his own kind know it's him?

Matt: (chuckles knowingly) See, that is exactly what he wants you to assume. He has his own language in Coyote talk.

Ranae: (rolls her eyes and crosses her arms, shaking her head) There's a school for that?

Matt: Don't ever underestimate squatches. See these trees around us?

Ranae: Yeah.

Matt: Squatches can impersonate them!

Ranae: Trees? Really?

Matt: (points to a row of trees) He could be any one of those. They stay real still and you think they're a tree. They're watching us, I tell you. They're all around us. (backs up into a tree and whimpers and jumps away from it)

Ranae (giggles) Yeah, I think that maple over there has its eyes on you.

Matt:  (grabs her hand) Don't point at them! When they know that we know that they're there, they will use their minds to mesmerize us and make us forget the encounter.

Ranae: (twitching smile) Like those boys in Men in Black with their little light pen?

Matt:  Where do you think that movie got that idea, hmm? (raises his eyebrow) Much of the things we consider fiction on TV are facts that Bigfoot is hiding from us by making it look fictionalized.

Ranae: Wait, so you're saying Bigfoot is controlling my TV viewing? I wish I knew that because those Real Housewives shows are making me go nuts. I really need to find me one so I can explain what women really want to watch. (walks away into the woods with Matt rushing up on her heels)

Matt: (clutching her arm) W-where are we g-going?

Ranae: Matt, I am going to try my hand at a squatch call.

Matt: No! You'll do it all wrong. Female squatches do not holler.

Ranae: They don't?

Matt:  Of course not! Everyone knows the female of the species is always a tattletale. They would give away the location and all the family secrets. It's up to the big strong men to keep the tribe in line.

Ranae: Okay, Moneymaker, now you've crossed the line. It's one thing to make a bunch of idiotic assumptions about a creature that has yet to be proven to exist, but it's another thing to use your own caveman thoughts about women to support those insane theories.

(Matt cowers)

Ranae: (takes a breath, fists clenched) Too-many-big-words-for-you?

Matt: (twig snaps nearby) Shh! (cocks his ear)

Ranae: (looks through the nightvision goggles) Oh look, it's Bobo!

Matt: That's not Bobo! That's just what Squatch wants you to think.

Ranae: Well, it would appear that squatch is wearing a T-shirt from a bar in South Carolina and a hat that says "Gone Squatchin".

Matt: Oh God. It's just what I thought!

Ranae: What?

Matt: Squatch has knocked Bobo over the head and stole his clothes. He's going to try to impersonate him. Don't let him know that we're on to him.

Bobo: Hey guys! (chomping on a bagel)  Cliff is at base camp and we're ready to wrap it up. I realized you didn't have the walkies, so I thought I'd come and tell ya.

Matt:  So, you're saying you want us to go with you? (shakes his head "no" at Ranae)

Bobo: That'd be the plan, man.

Ranae: Come on, Bobo. Let's go to base camp (takes his arm)

Bobo: (turns to Matt) Are you comin' boss man?

(Matt nods and cautiously follows)

Bobo: You know, Ranae, it felt like it would be squatchy tonight but we didn't see a single squatch. Did you two see a squatch?

Matt: Yes, we did, actually.

Bobo: (pivots and looks back) Really? How close did he get?

Matt: (nods) About as far away from me as you are. In fact, exactly that far. (pulls a banana from his pocket and waves it in the air) Would you like a snack, tall man?

Bobo: No thanks. I still got my bagel.

Matt: But your kind loves bananas. You are closer to ape than man.

Bobo: My kind? Hey, are you calling me an ape?

Ranae: (takes Bobo's arm and leads him down the trail) Don't ask. Do me a favor, will you? Give me your best Bigfoot call.

(Bobo stops and cups his hands, letting out a long loud howl)

Matt: Oh God! Run Ranae! He's calling on his clan! (takes off running into the hills)

Bobo: (shrugs) I had no idea he hated my family so much. 

F'ing Bigfoot Fun!

I love them and mockery is the best form of flattery. Here's some The Soup and Chelsea Lately mocking the team and here's a few of my own lines from Live Blogging the show on Bigfoot Evidence on Sunday nights.

 Matt is ready to buy an acme rocket and jet pack himself to drop an anvil on Ranae's head. I can hear the beep beep of the roadrunner right now.

 With Bobo drunk and dancing and Matt buzzed and smiling, I think tonight might be a little bit of Deliverance.

 Ranae gives her thumbs up on the baby crying technique. I'm surprised because she does work with Matt and I'm sure she hears that entirely too much of the time.

Age old connundrum: If a tree moves in the forest and there is nobody there to hear it but Matt, does that mean it's a squatch?

Why "Finding Bigfoot" Works For Viewers

This picture (above) is why "F'ing Bigfoot" works. A team of 4 characters; a skeptical scientist, a life-long BF hunter, BF's best future buddy, and a child-like enthusiast who wonders at nature.

I hear people bellyache about the show, "it's not real Bigfoot hunting," "I can't believe they thought that was a squatch," "that witness was totally bogus."

Here's what those viewers need to know: This is a show. A show is a way to present information in a way that is expedient and entertaining. We wouldn't watch grass grow on TV. We would not expect a cure for cancer while filming a lab.

Let's use the musical as an example....



We don't believe that people break out into song while chopping wood. That's preposterous and it loses credibility if we take it literally. It's actually representing the process going on in the character's psyches and emotions for us to get inside their heads.

F'ing Bigfoot represents the process of Bigfoot hunting. They are not likely to yield actual groundbreaking results. They are filming a show in the woods with a crew and hitting it in different states over short periods of time. Most BF hunters are in their own state, know their territory, watch it for years on end.

When F'ing Bigfoot hits the ground running with crew in tow, they are there to represent the field researchers, to show us the interviews with witnesses, to go into the woods and show us what a hunt is like.

The show serves its purpose brilliantly and most especially because the team of 4 quite individual enthusiasts. We come to care for the characters as much as their incredible journeys.

F'ing Bigfoot works. And, I hope it works for a helluva lot more seasons. If you can't tote your ass out into the woods to hunt--enjoy the show on Sunday nights on Animal Planet.
You can join me in my Sunday night "squatch" drinking game and take a sip of beer for every "squatch" spoken--if you dare. I will be live blogging again on Bigfoot Evidence, making my MST3000 commentary on this team that I so adore.

LAUGH: Finding Bigfoot in the Snow! NEW SPOOF!

In honor of tonight's wicked awesome 2-hour special of Animal Planet's "Finding Bigfoot" episode, I'm making a new installment of my LAUGH series. Other installments can be found above on the "LAUGH" tab. I have a tendency to make loving fun at the shows I most love. "F'ing Bigfoot" (as I like to refer to it) is my most beloved new show on TV.

In this episode, we find the team searching for BF in the icy mountainous terrain of Colorado in search of the popularly termed "Snowbeast."

Ranae: (Lifts her pack over her shoulders and hikes through the snow) Boys, if you are all done urinating your names into the fresh snow, could we please move on before nightfall?

(the men track in after her towards the treeline)

BoBo: So, I don't get it. Technically, if this is a Snowbeast, it should be white. That'd make it a Yeti, right? So, what's Yeti doing in Colorado? Does his coat change when he goes down in the off season to lower elevations. If he does that, wouldn't it make him like a mood ring? I once had this mood ring when I was a kid and the dang thing was always blue. Maybe he's related to a chameleon. You think that's possible, huh? Cause if it is, he might not be a hominid. He'd be like some kind of lizard man which reminds me of the lizard man in the Carolinas. Did you see what that SOB did to that person's SUV? I wonder if the insurance paid for that. What do you write when you make that claim, huh?

(Matt smacks him upside the head)

Ranae: This looks like a good place to set up.

Matt: I think this area looks ideal for setting up camp and some trap cameras in the periphery (points around them).

Ranae: (to Cliff) Didn't I just say that?

Cliff: Matt, I think Ranae chose this location.

Matt: (forehead wrinkles) Are we letting viewers pick our spots now? Jesus! Do we want this to be like "Ghost Hunters" having on special guests from wrestlers to housewives to, heaven forbid, Meredith Vieira?

Cliff: No, Matt, Ranae is on our team--the girl. You know, the skeptic?

Matt: (shrugs his pack off his shoulders and sighs wearily) She's still with us?

Ranae: Ah, I can hear you Cliff.

BoBo: Whatcha want me to do this time? Huh? Huh? (excitedly waves) Maybe I could stand in for the Snowbeast and you can see if I look like him. Maybe I could run across the field real fast and you could clock my speed. Remember that time it took me 50 takes to get just the way you wanted, Matt? You want me to be your pack horse again? I can carry all your heavy gear to prove the strength of the Bigfoot like that experiment you had me do on that 18-mile hike. Do you need me to be your car jack when you work on your truck again, Matt? Remember that time you left me in the meadow overnight when it was pouring rain and 40 degrees because you wanted to see if Bigfoot could stand the cold and the rain? I can't wait to see the experiment this time (claps his hands excitedly).

Cliff: BoBo, we were kind of thinking you might be a good lure for Snowbeast.

BoBo: (grins proudly) So, you want me to be bait, huh? So, what do I do? Beat on my chest and holler? (pounds on his chest and screams)

Matt: (comes over and shoves two snowshoes in BoBo's hand) You're going to wear these Bigfoot snowshoes and make impressions in the snow. Bigfoot surely is desperate to find more of his kind. You just walk your way through the forest and head on back here where we can be ready to snare him with my camouflage netting (points up to the trees where a net is suspended)

Cliff: Here, you should wear this Ghillie suit too (hands it to BoBo). It'll make you look more like a Bigfoot if he sees you.

(BoBo hoists the fluffy suit on and then the snowshoes)

Ranae: BoBo, I'm just go help you smell right. (Ranae holds her nose and sprays the Ghillie suit with a horrible stench)

BoBo: (gags) What is that?

Matt: It's my own special blend. I'm thinking of marketing it. It's the musk of a baboon mixed with orangutan dingleberries, the sweat of a fertile chimp and the spit of a gorilla. There's a subtle undernote of skunk and stinkbug juices. (inhales it deeply and sighs dreamily) Isn't it remarkable? It's like perfume of the gods! (dabs some behind his ear)

Ranae: (elbows Cliff) You get to ride shotgun on the way back.

Matt: So, BoBo, how good are you at sashaying?

BoBo: (forehead wrinkles) W-what?

Ranae: (chuckles) I think what Matt is trying to tell you is that, (she reaches into her backpack and pulls out two balled up pairs of socks and stuffs them inside BoBo's ghillie suit) You're going to be a girl Squatch.

BoBo: (frowns) I'm gonna be a g-girl squatch bait? (gulps)

Cliff: (checking the ghillie suit to be sure it's fastened) Now, you be sure and alter your Squatch call.

BoBo: Alter it?

Cliff: Yeah, buddy, (slaps him on the arm) Can you do a kind of Shania Twain scream?

Matt: I actually think a Christina Aguilar scream might be attractive to the beast.

Ranae: (under her breath, rolling her eyes) Attractive to the beast or you? (snorts) BoBo, just go out there and there and walk around, we'll film your footprints, look at you on the FLIR and shout that we see something in the trees, cut away to a commercial and before you know it, the show is cobbled together to look like a mythical beast was chasing you. (leans in and whispers to him) We all know this is a ridiculous endeavor, but my ass is cold. Let's get going, shall we? There's a hot latte at Starbuck's with my name on it! (slaps him on the back)

(BoBo stomps away in the snow as the last bits of light disappear and a moonless night begins. An hour goes by and the team stomps in place and hugs themselves to stay warm, occasionally hearing a pitiful wavering cry in the forest)

Cliff: Poor BoBo. He sounds like Carol Burnett doing the Tarzan call. Maybe we should call him in?

Matt: Wait! I'm getting a figure on the FLIR. It's walking upright! Oh holy hell! It's huge! Get ready, Cliff. Go to the net, be ready to drop it. That beast is almost here. Three. Two. One. Drop the net!

Cliff: (pulls the cord and drops the net) Wow! I can see something struggling. (turns on his flashlight and hovers over the struggling figure in the netting)

Ranae: Well, I'll be! That thing is hairy, big and smelly. Just like people have been reporting. I'm feeling pretty stupid about now. Obviously, this creature did exist.

Matt: (turns to film crew) Put that on record. The female skeptic admitted Bigfoot exists!

Cliff: Ah, Matt, it appears we've caught BoBo (pulls at one of the snowshoes through the netting).

(an hour later, the team is driving off in their truck down a snowy back road)

Ranae: This heater feels soooooo good.

Cliff: Hey, you think BoBo might like an apple?

Matt: I don't know, why don't you find out?

Cliff: (rolls down the window, BoBo jogging alongside the truck in the Ghillie suit and snowshoes, breathing hard)

BoBo: S-ure. So, I'm just gonna run alongside the truck back to the hotel, huh? See if Bigfoot could keep up with a car. G-great experiment. Th-that Matt is one s-smart guy!

(Cliff hands him the apple, rolls up the window and Matt turns up the heater)

LAUGH: "Finding Bigfoot"

Some of y'all are new to my LAUGH series. See the tab at the top that says "LAUGH Comedy Series." I make loving fun of all the paranormal shows.

Today, I decided that I am so in love with the show "Finding Bigfoot" that it begs to be poked fun at by an adoring fan.

(In the woods in the Cascades in Washington State, the team gathers in the darkened forest to look for the elusive Bigfoot creature reported by locals on the mountainside)

RANAE: Man, I'm really glad to be here in my home state on what might be a really awesome hunt.

Matt: (Turning to Cliff) Did you hear something?

Cliff: You mean Ranae speaking?

Matt: (frowns) Ranae?

Cliff: (prompts) You know, the female on the team. (seeing Matt's blank stare, he adds) The skeptic.

Matt: (bristles) Oh, her.

Bobo: What do you want us to do, huh?

Ranae: If these people said that the creature was as tall as that row of branches down the hillside, perhaps we should have Bobo go down there and wander around and see if we can get a height on this thing.

Matt: (elbows her) I am the leader, here. (thinks) Bobo, let's have you go down the hillside and stand in for Bigfoot, hmm?

(BoBo stomps off down the hillside)

Cliff: Waaaaaaaaaeeeeewwwww! Woooooop! Woooooop! Waaaaaaeeeewwww!

Matt: No, Cliff, it's not time to do a Bigfoot call.

Cliff: (pouts and stomps his foot) I'm better at it in the shower. Or the car. Sometimes, I practice it in the grocery store. Well, back when they used to let me go there. Denny's and IHOP don't like me much either. I'm not welcome back at my grandma's house either. (frowns and shrugs) Come to think of it, my HOA isn't too happy. They came up with some rule on their books about Bigfoot calls.(mumbles)

(A screeching howl is sounded through the hillside, making the team startle)

Cliff: That was totally squatchy!

Matt: Cliff, turn on the thermal imager.

Ranae: Let's not lose our heads, now. It could have been a coyote or possibly a migrating owl from South America (thinks a moment) or a car passing by with a loud radio, an angry bear, a freak wind, or maybe someone with their foot stuck in an automatic door at the Starbucks down the hillside. Just because it's a loud sound in the woods doesn't make it Bigfoot.

(A repeated whooping howl is heard, making the team pivot back and forth, studying the blackened forest)

Matt: Do a Bigfoot call, Cliff!

Cliff: (cups his hands around his mouth and lets out a blood-curdling howl that resonates through the forest) Give me the Flir. (starts scanning the woods around them)

Ranae: Matt, what do you think? (turns to find Matt rushing off through the woods) What is he doing? He's not supposed to run off like that! This is totally unprofessional.

Cliff: (shrugs) He does that from time to time, Ranae. (whispers) His prostate.

Ranae: (sheepish) Oh.

(An ear-splitting howl sounds in the woods again. Cliff returns the call. The call is returned. Cliff screams out again until he's nearly hoarse.)

Matt: (returns) What the hell is all that whooping about?

Ranae: We're responding back and forth with something calling out in the woods.

Matt: (turns to Cliff) Cliff, what is happening?

Cliff: Like Ranae said, I'm calling back and forth with a squatch!

Matt: (puzzled) Ranae?

Cliff: (prompts) You know, the female on the team. The skeptic.

(whooping sounds in the woods again)

Matt: That's a Sasquatch! Didn't I tell you that everywhere I go, I run into him? It's like he's following me! (looks around him a bit paranoid) Just last night in Barnes and Noble, I swear that was him skirting the aisle of vegan cookbooks. And the other day, when I was taking the trash out, I think he was following me, probably sorting through my trash (trembling, wringing his hands) perhaps even learning more about me. Oh, God! I should have shredded my documents!

Ranae: (sighs and huffs) I think someone needs a vacation from squatch hunting.

Matt: Did you hear that? There's that damned voice again!

Ranae: (turns to Cliff as he opens his mouth and stops him) Just let him think it's the voices in his head, for God's sake.

Matt: (steps forward, cups his hands around his mouth) H-ello (he yells). Is anyone out there?

Deep unknown voice: (calls out from within the woods somewhere) Yes, I'm here!

Matt: Did you hear that? My theory that Bigfoot can be trained to speak is right! No one will ever doubt my legitimacy any longer. I will rule the scientific community as the man who taught Sasquatch to speak! Do you know what this means? I can make the speaking circuit for years to come, pump out a few books, have everyone adore me and look up to me. They'll name a national park after me! (raises his finger toward the sky in triumph) Why, I could get another season of my show!

Deep unknown voice: Are you still there?

Matt: (pushes everyone aside and yells out) I'm here! Why are you doing it? Why are you following me everywhere? What do you want from me?

Deep unknown voice: (yells back) Got any Twinkies? Maybe a candy bar? I'm getting hungry.

(Matt and Cliff eagerly go through their pockets)

Matt: Gum? All you have is gum? Bigfoot wants a snack and you offer him gum? (tosses it to the ground)

Ranae: (interrupts) Hey, guys, I got something on the thermal imager!

Cliff: It's squatch! It has a squatchish shape. Look at the height and the strides. That's total squatch, Ranae!

Ranae: What the hell is it doing? (squints at the screen)

Cliff: Look at the heat signature. He's taking a piss! We could get a DNA sample!

Matt: Let's rush him! (runs off and the others stumble behind him).

(Matt and Cliff launch themselves at the huge dark creature and tackle it to the ground, grunting and growling ensue.)

Ranae: This is remarkable! Do you know what the this means? Hold onto him! Let me get a look at it! (turns on the flashlight to show Cliff and Matt pinning a BoBo to the ground, his pants down around his ankles)

BoBo: Dudes, did you bring me the Twinkie?

"Finding Bigfoot" Reviewed: Alaska!

(This is JAAG, my new Bigfoot buddy)

"Maybe it was a dumb squatch." (Best line of the episode)

Well, we reached the final episode (crying like a baby) and hopefully if the Animal Planet is smart they bring them back in the fall for another 6 episodes and cut the season into 2 six-episode runs. So far, the feedback from people on the blog has been extremely positive. We still haven't won people over on Fact or Faked, but this show caught your attention and was compelling to watch.

The episode was great and the interview with the kid was shivery, but the time in the woods was limited and I seriously wanted to see more time in the woods for an episode that had this much promise. After hearing that kid's encounter, I just wanted to see at least a half hour in the forest, but it was more like 8 minutes or something like that. (frown)

I'd seriously like to remove Matt and put in a professional tracker, some rough around the edges rustic dude who's like a savant of the woodlands, maybe relates to animals more than people. Then, the mix would be a dream. Oh, and I'd like to see them make BoBo wear dark clothes all the time because when he's standing in as a squatch, he really needs to look similar to the photos and witness reports as well as comparing the woodland in a similar fashion.

I suppose with the end of the season, I should just say what I like and don't like about the show. (Sorry, "Fact or Faked," I don't have a lot to rip apart like I did on your show.)

Like:
Graphics--I like the animations of BF. They're pretty sw-eet!
The team--With the exception of Matt, who I think is a bit of a tool, I'd do as I said above--replace him with a misanthropic tracker, perhaps with a name like "Malachi" or "Ezekiel." Three of the members not only have distinct roles, but are actually likable. You know on Gilligan's Island, everyone had a purpose? Well, I'd put Matt in the category of Mr. Howell--an expendable fellow.
Interviews--I just can't get enough of people recounting their encounters with BF. It's something I've always loved in documentaries too. When they talk to a town meeting, very cool, but when they take a few of the more worthy stories on the road and interview them on the spot, it makes it palpable to see the person there reenacting the situation.
Field Time--I'm thrilled we get what I always wanted from a BF show--time in the woods in the dark. I would seriously like a whole hour spent with them in the woods alone--no interviews, no animations--just them living in the woods and trekking around.
Tools--They switch up their methods and try new stuff. It's sometimes hilarious, but other times thought provoking.

Don't like...
Squatch alert--Of course, you know I gotta say it, "everything is a squatch!"

"Finding Bigfoot" you better be coming back because I'm probably going to memorize every freaking episode waiting for the next season, you lucky Bigfoot hunting bastards! Oh, and please plan an episode in the White Mountains in AZ.

Bigfoot-Everywhere!

(Check out Julie's awesome post on our desert Bigfoot)

Tonight on Animal Planet is the final episode of this season's "Finding Bigfoot" and they're going to Alaska! Tomorrow will be a review. I am soooooo sad! What will I do without my favorite new show? (pout) By now, my readers know that you don't leave Autumnforest without her distractions of she gets into mischief.

I booked the cabin for our Bigfoot hunt in September. It's sort of my birthday gift for myself and has been on my bucket list since I was about 7 or 8 years old. Oh, you know I'll be all over it with video and pics and you will be thoroughly entertained, no doubt. And, yes, I am still threatening to make hemp brownies and see if he takes the bait. (smile)

So, I thought you might be entertained where BF has been whoring himself up lately. If we were to pay the dude, he'd make as much royalties as Michael Jordan or Tiger Woods on all the product contracts.






Oh, and here's the best for last...



Don't miss some awesome posts about my writing endeavors on some great blogs:
Anything Horror
Leo Godin

Finding Bigfoot Reviewed

Best quote: "That sounds squatchy!"

Seriously, I really needed this Sunday off and knowing that at night, I could turn out the lights, turn up the air-conditioning, hide under a woobie (blanket) and watch "Finding Bigfoot" go some place snowy and cold to search for my furry cousin, I was quite delighted. In fact, if you tried to call me last evening, I did not answer. Nothing gets in the way of me and searches for Bigfoot.

I like the variety of ways they go about things. I appreciate that as an investigator because I don't like to go in and do the same thing over and over again. Each location, each situation is different and you need to adapt. I simply love to see these guys in the woods. I'd love to see an extended one where they maybe do a 2-hour special or a 2-part special of an expedition of hiking and camping. I'd even have them throw in perhaps two more members for an episode like that (I'm not saying one of them should be a sassy redhead, but it'd be ideal and a nice tent warmer for Cliff).

I appreciate the talk with townsfolk and the decisions to pursue the places they describe. They end up with a show that is not stuck with just one BF account, but many ones to pursue. I know editors can seriously butcher a show into something that is biased and convoluted, but in this case of this show, trying to get that many cases narrowed down, they do a fine job of getting the highlights of the stories without seeming like we're being tossed in a dryer machine and tumbled with too much info. And, there's very few shows that I miss something if I come back from a commercial break a little late, but in the case of this show, I do miss a lot if I come back late. That's pretty telling.

The camouflage canoe was so Gilligan's Island and you know I totally loved it! I'm all about trying any and everything. Loved the echoes. Loved the little goose camera. Oh hell, I'm waiting for the episode where they put BoBo in a BF costume with breasts on it, rub some gorilla musk on him and send him out to do some howling and make himself BF prostitute bait. Oh, you know they gotta try it some time, right?

I don't care what they do, I just love to see them creeping around in the dark. I seriously wish they'd use IR that is black/white instead of green, but that's just a personal preference. Please, please, please pick them up for a lot more episodes! Make it a 2-part season like other channels do; six episodes here, six episodes there...

Here's my favorite paranormal shows in order:
1. Destination Truth.
2. Finding Bigfoot. (actually closing in on DT because it's only BF and I'd rather just see BF hunting than a variety of places, but DT gets to go to such badass locales that I kind of enjoy that too)
3. Fact or Faked.
4. Ghost Adventures. (purely for shits and giggles)

I despise Haunted Collector and Zak's Paranormal Challenge and Ghost Academy. I am bored to tears by GHI and GH and quit watching them seasons ago.

I'm still waiting for my own show concept to be used, but until then, I'm glued to this show. I'd like to know what you think. I hope you're hooked on Animal Planet on Sunday nights for this.

"I think there's a squatch in these woods."

"Finding Bigfoot" Reviewed

"That's a squatch!" The new buzzword. I must take it to my ghost hunts and freak out my partners. If I say it just right, maybe follow it with a mock Bigfoot call, I might raise the dead, huh?

Last night's episode of "Finding Bigfoot" was in my favorite state in the Union--Oregon! If there is nirvana, it is Oregon! It has it has it all, it's magnificent every inch of it, the people are artists, open-minded, organic, intelligent, and real. I need to quit trying to sell the state or everyone will rush there and ruin the beautiful countryside and beaches. One creature, however, is brilliant in choosing it for his home--Bigfoot. Oh, another brilliant creature, Cliff, calls it home, as well. Hey, Cliff, shopping for a Bigfoot hunting girlfriend???





McKenzie River footage captured what might be Sasquatch on the shores of the river or perhaps a fisherman? That is what the team went to figure out. They found the environment to be suitable and even took a raft down the river to recreate the scenario. They tried to compare BoBo (their BF stand-in) with the same filming scenario. They figured the BF was probably around 6 to 6-1/2 feet tall. Matt (sigh) tweaked everything to be a Bigfoot no matter what is found. He will NEVER say something probably wasn't or accept evidence. Ranae thinks it's a person. It was fairly interesting simply by the coloration which was completely black as compared to BoBo and his tan coat, but then this team was there in a cold, wintry time of the year and the men who filmed it were there in the late spring/early summertime. Lighting could differ.

The team went out at nighttime. Cliff contemplates what sounds BF might like in primal calls. I have to smile. God, I love my dorks! Y'all know how much I have crushes on the nerds. I wonder if he makes BF sounds in the throes of passion? I think it'd actually make me curl my toes!

They went to another town to a meeting to find out what locals are saying about BF. This "Bigfoot and Beer" get together is yet another reason why I fucking love Oregon! Jeez! I really need to live there. They are my peeps. This is like a Bigfoot Anonymous meeting but with frothy cold beers and bar pub talk of encounters.

They had witnesses mark on the map where the sightings were. They narrowed down the region they needed to focus on. I appreciate that the team interviews groups, narrows down the best witness descriptions and then go to those locations. They may be overly enthusiastic about BF being everywhere, but I am so thankful for Ranae. Her instincts about witnesses and things that don't jive keeps it all down to earth. I so appreciate having her counterbalance with the team of male hormones pumped up on the hunt. Her doubts about one of the witnesses were brilliant and clear. One witness: Not credible. Now, two male fishermen who got a casted footprint were interviewed by Cliff and BoBo. They determine there were two Bigfoots involved in that account, one upriver screaming, another across the river with glowing eyes.

Now, they talk to some men who decided to use a bunny and some glowsticks to lure a Bigfoot. I love Ranae when she says she isn't sure about this story, some men with glowsticks, a live bunny in a cage and probably sitting back and having some beers. Not a good scenario. The men describe a huge hand in front of the cage, blocking it out with its size. The guys decide to try out the glowsticks and a bunny in a cage scenario. They do wood knocks and howls and look for heat signatures. They see the glowsticks under the bunny cage move. Yeah, well, the bunny is no doubt moving around in there. They get some tree knocks and decide to come back the next day.

The next day, they plan to blast some recorded BF sounds loudly up above where it will resonate below. They use electric motorcycles to approach the sound of a responding BF. BoBo and Ranae take the bikes and go out with a parabolic dish to listen for BF and hopefully sneak up on him. They appear to hear a sound "That's a Squatch!" (Hint: I would really like a t-shirt that says that if anyone is ambitious enough to make one!) The howls are pretty impressive. I got a shiver of delight. There's something so Blair Witch about them tromping around in the darkness. I'm not sure why they didn't get a sample of the supposedly fresh urine which might have had epithelial cells (skin) and DNA, but they didn't.

Y'all know I'm going to have to put in a comment of my own. I'd like to see Matt dropped from the team, he's fucking useless, but I would like to see them replace him with a professional tracker and woodsman. I think that would be an ideal scenario. Well, ideal would be that they add a brassy redhead who is a huge BF fan to the team, but alas that is not likely to happen. So, my second choice is Mr. Jeremiah Johnson type tracking professional. Hell, if he looks a little like Jeremiah too, I wouldn't complain!

I'm hooked. I love BF so much, I'll watch anyone hunt him. My favorite thing to do on a day off? Watch back-to-back BF documentaries. God, I love this critter and his home! The average person is just as uncomfortable in the woods as a haunted house, so I suspect this BF show will be picked up another season. I hope they shuffle out Matt and make Cliff the team leader, but other than that, I'm not going anywhere and you can expect a weekly review when the season is on and they really should give it more like 8-10 episodes instead of what I heard was a measly 6.

Next week's episode looks wicked awesome atop a snowy mountain. I can hardly wait! I will darken the room and get in the mood. Yeah, I know, I'm kinky!