My Best Of Zombie Movies

"Night of the Living Dead" Best storyline/plot for a zombie movie. It was the ultimate--a band of stray people shoring themselves up inside a farm house, unsure what in the hell was happening outside and having their own internal conflicts amongst them. It simply was the best zombie tale.


"Dead Snow" Best most over the top zombie battle ever! It just doesn't get better than minions of nazi zombies that can't be killed and a scene of white snow and men with only a few makeshift weapons. Damn! When you think it's reached its peak--it goes a bit further!


"Dawn of the Dead" (remake) Most threatening zombies. These zombies are fast and serious about their jobs!


"Fido" The most stylish zombie film ever. It does bring together the 1950s attitude with the new zombie reality. It's funny, cute, and I just love it!


"Shaun of the Dead" Best characters in a zombie movie. I just love them all, the mother, the stepdad, the friends, the girlfriend. They're just fun!

Let's Write a Zombie Story!

(Art by Poblin King)

I haven't done this in a while. Everyone join in! I will write a sentence to start a story and each commenter can add a sentence to the story. When we're done, we will have a zombie story!

"The mechanic slid down the door to his garage just in time to peer out the slit-like windows to see the hobbling zombies coming closer up the hill."

What Makes a Great Zombie Story?

The movie "28 Days Later" was a very well done zombie movie. However, if you were to take out the opening about the Rage virus and just started us with the hero waking up in the hospital bed, not knowing what the hell happened to England and all the people, it would have changed the terror of the story all together to a new height. We would have been pitched into the unknown with him. However, with the audience having this virus insight, we knew what happened the minute the hero faced an empty hospital.

In "Night of the Living Dead," we had some hints of a meteor or hell running out of room, but we never really knew why the world was upturned. It's that cut off from information, not sure what's happening that is horrifying. Just remember on 9-11 when we didn't know if planes were safe, subways, buses, malls, or how big this entire hit on America would be.

A great zombie story needs a few elements:

1. Lack of help from the outside. We're on our own here!
2. Lack of information. No radios, TV, saviors.
3. Difficult logistics. Dwindling supplies, being trapped, being surrounded.
4. Difficulty amongst the uninfected. Sometimes your worst enemy might be in your own group--someone has to make the job of staying alive more difficult than it already is.
5. Questionable future. We should never know how this thing ends or if it ends or if anyone even survives--a zombie apocalypse is never neat and tidy.

It goes without saying that a zombie movie will have the consuming of human flesh by the undead, but some movies completely depend on the graphics of that truth to shock, but they tend to leave us rather numb. The story is not so much that the zombies eat us, but how we evade such an eventuality. What are their abilities? What are our odds? Can having human intelligence beat the very natural animal need to feed? Ultimately, are we outnumbered?

Many directors and writers have worked to bring alive the story of the zombie in such a way that we say, "that was a great zombie story," but I think most would have to agree that the truly best was Romero's "Night of the Living Dead" and what it had going for it (besides the elements described above) was timing. At the time that it came out, it was a new terror, a new enemy, and the enemy was us!

The theme for zombie stories always comes down to the basic, "ordinary people in extraordinary circumstances." We see this in times like 9-11 where people show their true colors under stress. The truth of the matter in such circumstances is that sometimes good people trying to help others will be killed and this is a circumstance you find in a lot of zombie films and books, the martyr (the teenagers in "Night of the Living Dead"). There is also the gun-happy scared man in most stories, the guy who is such a trigger finger and so paranoid, he is likely to hurt us all (the father in "Night of the Living Dead."). There is always the one person who is useless in an emergency situation and may end up weighing down the group due to injury or mental breakdown (Barbara in "Night of the Living Dead"). Lastly, you have the hero who is trying not to feel anything about the situation, but work like a machine to make it work, the natural born leader (the hero in "Night of the Living Dead") You might also need to contain within the story those who are expendable (the mother in "Night of the Living Dead") and those who are infected (the little girl in "Night of the Living Dead").

Zombie stories come and go, but what we always look for consistently is not what the zombies are up to, but how the humans are handling it. It is like facing our greatest fears, that those humans around us suddenly become psychopaths.

Zombie Crafts People--Wanna Be in a Book?

Julie and I's book, "Zombie Housewives of the Apocalypse" will have pages throughout the book of zombie housekeeping tips and recipes and we also would like to scatter throughout the book pages showcasing zombie craftsperson's wares, dolls, clothing, art, whatever. So, if you have a zombie-themed business and sell them, let us know. We might just feature you in our printed book.
ghosthuntingtheories@gmail.com

Zombies Are Happening!

Remember this place Julie and I went to not too long ago? It is referred to as the "Slaughterhouse." It is a very cool abandoned farmhouse. It is also the location of a photo shoot we are on today. In fact, following the photo shoot, we are staying for a few nights at a local resort where we will enjoy the swim-up bar and the fantastic restaurant that is built into the rocks. We will also be doing a follow-up study at a cemetery where I have gotten photographic phenomena for over 8 years and bringing in an expert to give some input to what's going on.

Don't worry. We will be plugged in the entire time. We are going over the final edit of "Kickin' Up Dust! (Getting Lost To Find Ourselves)" book and working on the next book, "Zombie Housewives of the Apocalypse" which will be a fun book mocking 1950s housewives by making them post-apocalyptic zombies. Julie will be playing "Stella," the June Cleaver perfect 1950s wife and I will be playing "Liz" the martini-swilling Valley-of-the-Dolls housewife.

We will also plot out the next book in our queue--"Spirit Vessels: Why Some Buildings Are Haunted."

You can expect even more craziness from the two of us. Julie has a book in at the editor's called "Dead and Buried in the Arizona Desert" and I expect it to be picked up because it's just such a totally cool book!

Perhaps I will post some pool pics of us or some pics of us in our room at the resort. In fact, I've asked Julie if she might like to do a little video of me that y'all might just enjoy. I think it'll make you laugh, though it might make me barf. That's all I'm gonna say...

Making a Zombie: Is It Plausible?

Come on, haven't you ever wondered if it's scientifically feasible?

In some magic-based practices, the process of making a zombie is taken as fact. With the right mix of ingredients, a person can ingest the concoction and go into a kind of stasis (think SciFi long-distance space travel). The body’s systems would shut down to almost a halt, maintaining just enough to keep and element of life present (yeah, like a glowing pilot light on a gas heater). There is no doubt this is possible. Every time we undergo anesthesia for a surgery, we are quieting down conscious brain function, but maintaining autonomic function so our hearts still beat and we still breathe. With anesthesia comes a dulling of pain senses and the creation of amnesia when it is over. Of course, this wouldn't make for a real zombie, just a dead-looking person. The zombie would supposedly occur when you reanimate the person. In the case of anesthesia or even primitive mixes of powders, it wouldn't make a zombie, it would make an awake person after deep sleep.

These logistics aside, the problem with creating a zombie is the basic knowledge that when you shut down body functions to the degree that breathing is not detectable, then not enough blood is reaching the brain. Even if you reanimate a person by say CPR means, if the person has been without oxygen for enough a period of time, the brain functions will not reengage. You will have anoxic brain injury and a vegetative state.

Saying you reanimate a person’s body, in order for them to be a walking eating threat, they would have to have some of the brain functions in order to still move about. The concept of a zombie being directed by its master to do tasks is absolutely impossible. It would be like telling a person in coma to sit up on the edge of the bed. So, in the case of this type of “zombie” they would not be able to perform the functions of wandering the streets. They would also be mortal and able to be killed.

So, let’s conceive of some situations in which a zombie-type creature could be created. It would take a few elements. There would need to be severe retardation of brain function to the point that the person is perhaps at the mental level of a 2-year-old and therefore understanding of commands, but not understanding of whether these commands are fair or unfair, right or wrong. In order to get this unfortunate person to eat flesh, it would take a condition of pica. Pica is a condition in which a person craves things to eat that are not eatable, such as clay, metal, soil, and the like. Along with perhaps an ongoing iron-deficiency anemia, this lame-minded host could potentially be talked into cannibalism. In this case, at best, you’d get a docile child-like person who could be talked into eating flesh but would not have the natural tendencies to go out and seek flesh to eat. They would also be mortal and easily killed.

Other considerations: There is a disease called Kuru. It attacks the brain in a sort of mad cow disease type of way. It was found in New Guinea to be caused by cannibalism and the eating of the brains of those infected. This disease kills usually within 12 months and is also called the “shaking” disease or the “laughing” disease because it causes uncontrollable shaking and outbursts of laughter. That would make for a much different zombie, as this one would walk and talk, but also shake and laugh uncontrollably. Probably not that threatening. They would also be mortal and able to be killed, but would die on their own within several months in an agonizing manner.

The true zombies of pop folklore are an interesting concept, but the reanimation of flesh would also include an anoxic body that would not be able to have a brain function to move about, think, desire to eat, or any other features we’ve come to know.

Just because zombies can’t physiologically exist in the manner shown in movies presently, there are other aspects of medicine upcoming in the field right now that could change the present impossibility. Doctors are working on a kind of patient stasis that would keep their body functions on the lowest level of existence until they can come up with cures for what ails them. This is different than “putting a head on ice” cryogenics. Still, these two forms of putting people in stasis and then reanimating them could very well create conditions we aren’t aware of. Certain parts of the brain could feasibly be revived while others die off creating an imbalance in behaviors and tendencies. This might be like a football head injury can make someone suddenly very angry when they were kind before. Still, this would be a mortal condition and able to be destroyed.

Ultimately, the only true flesh-eating, killing, ruthless, nearly indestructible zombie you could ever invent would involve some very savvy Japanese engineers. It would have to be robotic. This could be programmed in many ways and the thought is actually a bit more chilling than flesh and blood, shoot `em in the head zombies.

Whether zombies exist in the future or not, the concept of a person dead but walking, alive but soulless is one that continues to fascinate and repel.

Surviving a Zombie Attack

Perhaps the best part of zombie movies is the part where the audience screams “Dummy! Don’t do that!” and when they talk amongst themselves about what they would do in that scenario.

When I was a kid and first saw “Night of the Living Dead,” I wasn’t impressed with a farmhouse, but I did think a condo high rise in the city might not be too bad. I'd get some folks I trust, we'd take furnishings from the second floor and fill up the lobby, totally clutter it with shit and then nail shut the doors just in case, so we could have the other 20 or so floors to ourselves and all the supplies in them.

Everyone considers what they’d do. I went online to find that there’s actually a huge group of people hypothesizing how to handle the zombie apocalypse.

In the book “Infectious Disease Modelling Research Progress” by Canadian mathematicians Jean Michel Tchuenche and C. Chiyaka they presented the scenario of a zombie attack and used mathematics to determine that the best way to deal it is to “hit hard and hit often.”

“An outbreak of zombies is likely to be disastrous, unless extremely aggressive tactics are employed against the undead,” the authors wrote. “It is imperative that zombies are dealt with quickly, or else we are all in a great deal of trouble.”

On this site they suggest these 10 tips:

1. Clear the Room: There's nothing worse than stepping into a room only to be set upon by a horde of brain-hungry zombies. A team of four armed shooters can easily clear a room if they all stand against the nearest wall: one body in each corner and two in the middle. This position proves optimal for quickly dispatching of a room full of the reanimated.

2. Never Turn Your Back on the Enemy: Shambling isn't just for zombies. Three live humans can stand with their backs together and carefully rotate through the room, ensuring that all eyes are facing outward and no one falls victim to a surprise attack.

3. The Fine Line: For those lucky enough to amass a relatively large army of live humans, the Fine Line is the best way to fend off roving zombie hordes. Simply form two lines of armed persons, one line in front of the other. Have the front line shoot while the back line holds. When the front line runs out of ammo, the back line steps in while the front line reloads. Tragically, the Squad's training zombie, Billy the Hunter, died while the Squad demonstrated this technique.

4. Zombies Are the Least of Your Worries: It's bad enough that you have to deal with the zombified masses, who are tireless, feel no pain, and greatly outnumber healthy human beings. But perhaps even more deadly are the humans who simply can't cope with the new world order. It's best if you keep a psychologist on hand who can identify and subdue such persons before they embark on a murderous rampage that makes the zombies look as ferocious as fluffy kittens.

5. Choose Your Weapons Wisely: Not all weapons work for all people, and the trendiest zombie-fighting armaments aren't always the best. When in doubt, melee weapons are a fine tool against the undead, but think twice before picking up that giant hammer. As satisfying as squishing zombie skull may be, swinging the hammer creates a sizable arc that gives zombies plenty of time to nibble at your armpits. GLAZS advises that you invest in a machete, which is cheap, lightweight, and neatly separates a zombie's head from its bodies. As for ranged weapons, you may want to reconsider that sawed-off shotgun you're so fond of. Bolt action rifles are both powerful and accurate, without the ammunition restrictions of the close-range shotgun.

6. Windows Are Not Your Friend: Zombies have a nasty habit of crashing through glass windows, so it's best to choose a hideout with as few ground level windows as possible. Steer clear of malls, coffee shops, and boutique outlets in favor of Costco, BJs, Sam's Club, or any other large warehouse. If you find yourself trapped in your house, it's best to hightail it up to the attic, which the uncoordinated zombies will have trouble reaching. Basements, even windowless ones, spell trouble.

7. No Brains for Oil: If you're traveling with a group, you may consider fleeing by minivan or SUV, but be warned that the gas mileage and rollover rates might be a literal killer. If you're traveling alone, it's best to take a high miles per gallon vehicle, like a dirt bike, or, better yet, grab a bicycle and escape the zombies under your own replenishable power.

8. Fight World War Z with TNT: Using dynamite around the undead is a tricky proposition; the right amount of explosives can blow them to bits, but you might get cremated yourself. It's better to stave off those desiccated corpse with a controlled burn. But, GLASZ's demolitions expert warns, make sure it's a fire you can contain. A raging wildfire could prove far more deadly than the zombies themselves.

9. Animals: Friend or Foe? Animals can be invaluable allies at the end of the world, but the zombie infection could render them more hazard than help. If the zombie plague is viral, it can infect any living cells, causing even the most inhuman animals to exhibit flesh-craving symptoms. GLASZ members ask: Would you rather fight off a zombie human — or a zombie lion?

10. Suit Up: Perhaps the best way to prepare for the day the dead rise from their graves is to assemble the perfect zombie-fighting attire. Avoid brain spray-back by wearing goggles and covering your face with a non-porous material. Use plate mail or leather to create a bite-proof body suit. Kevlar gloves (provided to some food industry workers) can be worn as is or refashioned into impenetrable sleeves, allowing you to fend off zombie bites by holding up your forearms. Riot shields also add an extra layer of protection and make the zombie head squishing that much easier.

Admittedly, it’s good to be prepared. Zombies might not happen, but to think about such scenarios is to be ready for anything, to think in steps, to be prepared to live instead of resigned to die. I enjoy such mind puzzles just to keep myself alert and to have a stimulating conversation.

Let's start a conversation: What would your plan be?

Face Off: Zombies!!! Syfy!

I've been waiting for this episode of Face Off on Syfy tonight! Screw GH, although their little trailer for tonight's episode was entertaining with Amy and the new kid--what the hell is his name? losing it.

When I did the Zombie Walk event on the blog world a few months ago, I did my own videos of zombie makeup and how to apply it. Here was my ending result--Zombie Autumnforest!



Curious what the key to my happiness is? Never ever tease my Bigfoot. He gets his own bag of Jack Link's...