Three and a half years into the singles thing, I still haven't dated. It doesn't mean I haven't had relationships, but they weren't like dating, they were more like ships that pass in the night or flirtations that went nowhere, friendships that didn't become romantic, or long-distance longing. It has been a constant battle to find, not only a man that I share values and intellect, interests and sexual chemistry with, but also one of those fine gems who is actually available in his 50s.
The only two holidays that bother me are New Year's and Valentine's because traditionally they are spent with someone you love. Not that every day shouldn't be spent with someone you love, but this particular holiday is all about pairing off and going on a date.
I found my dream date dress. I was inches from buying it and then thought, "why are you buying a dress when you have had no reason to wear it?" (I've had one occasion in the past 10 years to wear a dress). For a woman who loves to dress up, it's soul death.
It dawned on me as I pondered this dress, that perhaps it represented something more to me. Hope. Belief. "If you buy it, perhaps he will come." I decided to order the dress and in a size smaller. I've learned that the tenant; "focus on what you want and not what you don't want" has worked for me in every realm of my life except for the love sector.
The dress is a step for me to saying "I will have a reason to wear this dress, a man to wear it for, whose eyes will light up and he will be proud to have me on his arm and call me his Valentine."
Past Valentine's I've spent watching horror movies in my pajamas, crying a lot, and listening to morose songs like this one -
It's no wonder with that attitude about the holiday, I had created all these lonely Valentine's for myself. There will be a man to wear the dress for next Valentine's. If there isn't, I will don the damn dress and take myself out on the town for the night.
I will strive to focus on what I want and not what I don't want.
As so poignantly sang in the above song, "There's a soulmate for everyone."