Sex and the Single Ventriloquist Doll

It's my week of reporting and since it's Dale the Doll week, I'm gonna put a spin on The Human's stuff. On Fridays she likes to do Sex and the Single Ghost Hunter (lame). I'm going to give you what you really want, Sex and the Single Ventriloquist Doll.

Let's talk about the ideal dolly.

I probably shouldn't generalize, but Cabbage Patch dolls, although an appropriate size for a ventriloquist doll like me, are very feeble minded. They are limited conversationalists and tend to be rather clingy and dependent. A single successful doll like me doesn't need a dull-minded feeble doll friend.

I know what you're thinking, I should probably be turned on by the baby dolls. Not really. I'm not a dolly pedophile. Would you be turned on by pigtails and toddler toes? I rest my case.

Barbie, everyone guy's ideal, right? Well, not so much. This chick is high maintenance. She's got those feet that can't sit flat, accessories that get lost in the seat cushions, and she expects every guy she dates to have a Corvette. I ain't made of money!

Sure, there's mannequins all over the place, easy to come by, for sure. But, besides being too freaking tall, they look way too human. Now, why would a human turn me on? 

Oh, I know what you're thinking, that a ventriloquist doll would be my perfect mate. Nope, not really. Would you want to make out with someone who looks just like you?

Now, we're talking - Betty Boop doll. This is the babe I'm looking for. She's cute, girlie, smells good, knows how to be sexy and hang on my every word. She looks good at my side. In fact, with a Betty Boop doll on my arm, everyone would know "that guy is one successful son of a bitch!"  She's a real trophy doll.

For now, I'm keeping my options open. I'm in no rush to be in a relationship. After all, I'm a single successful ventriloquist doll. I like to play it free and loose.