Sex and the Single Ghost Hunter: What Is Love?

What constitutes love?

If you ask a youngster, it's hormones. It's when you are addicted to another person. They make you feel so good, you feel like you're not alive until they plug you in. If they spend more time talking about how the other person makes them feel, they are likely in lust.

If you are a young adult, it's responsibility. It's when you feel that someone is a safe partner to breed with, to make a nest with, to plot an old age and retirement with in the future. It takes some chemistry to want to make children with someone, but it also takes some practicalities, like income potential, security, and feeling safe.  

If you're middle-aged, it's companionship. After knowing lust and knowing practicality, the middle-ager learns that ultimately sex goes only so far and security only a little bit further, but until there is some shared interests and dreams, the time together is purely having sex and doing chores and otherwise ignoring each other.

What love is...

You love a person when you admire his character.
You love a person when you trust him with your greatest secrets.
You love a person when he shows you through deeds and words that he has a heart.
You love a person when you would like to be more like him.
You love a person when you wish for him to meet his dreams and want to help him get there.
You love a person when making him smile or laugh is the single greatest currency you have ever earned.
You love a person when, even if it is not you that gives him fulfillment, you wish him the best on his journey.
Ultimately, to be in love, your focus is on your love's heart and keeping it safe more than your own. 

 What love is not...

Love is not obsession for another person to the point of giving up all your activities and friendships.
Love is not something doled out only in good times and withheld during the bad.
Love is not under the conditions of i.e. perfection, achievement, acquiescing, or sacrifice.
Love is not a habit or an obligation, it does not run on autopilot and cannot withstand neglect.
Love does not incite hate, anger, retribution, or revenge. 


  1. As wild and crazy as you are -- and I know wild and crazy since I'm married to an Irish red-head -- you're really a traditional girl at heart. You'll find that love, and you're worthy of it.

  2. Very well said. (coming from someone progressing happily through all of these phases with the same person)

  3. Aw, Leo, you know me well from writer's group in person. I take that as a very nice compliment. I don't doubt he's out there. I know I'm worthy. It's finding the man that is worthy that takes some time and caution.

    L4A--you are freaking lucky--never stop appreciating it.

  4. I guess Leo and my hubby are in the same boat.

  5. greatest gift in love hands down is heart felt passion.I am a dreamer tho.

  6. If I was ever out with you hunting the unknown I'd show you what a man I am by killing ghosts and Bigfoot right in front of you. I predict you will deny enjoying it, but secretly you will.

    I'm not trying to troll your site, which is pretty cool and I like looking at your hot pictures and everything, but I hate the paranormal. I'm f*cking frustrated with it.

    I get very angry at Bigfoot, UFOs and ghosts for hiding all the time. If I get the chance I will surely stab a ghost,shoot Bigfoot or blow up a UFO with some C4.

    You are no doubt, maybe sitting on the ball of your foot thinking about what a man I am and I think that's pretty alright. I'm very manly and I'm a flawless dominator.

    I excel at everything except finding Bigfoot, ghosts and UFOs. Maybe that's where all the anger comes from. But the good news is, I sometimes use that anger in the bedroom, which if you'll excuse me for saying so, I think you probably like.

    Love your books and your blogs.

  7. Also: I don't know about love, but your pictures are making me so crazy I made a terrible mess on my keyboard and monitor, which is a touchscreen so the cursor is jumping all over the place.

    I don't mean to be graphic, or upset your readers, but maybe you should tone it down. When men see stuff, like your smoking hot pictures, first thing in the morning it's either release on something or think sexy thoughts all day. I almost always go with the former.

    You've got a great blog, terrific readers and you're clearly a very bright and talented lady.

  8. Roy, thank you for the backhanded compliments. I'm sure if you are from Vegas, I am nothing at all compared to what you see, just spitting on the sidewalk, so calm yourself down, young man, and proceed to read the posts and learn some things about the part of world that is paranormal and still unexplained. It is much more exciting than a middle-aged woman in goth trappings.

    1. Thanks for getting back to me.

      I wrote a haiku too. I had to look up the rules on Google, which was a m*therf*cking headache because I kept spelling haiku wrong.

      Here it is:

      Your blog excites me so
      The mess I've whipped up for you
      My ejaculate

      If it's too much go ahead and delete it or whatever. I don't think you will because you seem pretty liberal about most stuff.

      I went through and read a bunch of your articles, which are almost all really good. You're very beautiful and clever and smart and that makes you pretty special.

      Your reader's comments are top notch too.

      I don't mean to cause problems. I just don't edit myself very well.

      Take care.

  9. My love haiku

    Your starlit body
    arching and taut like my bow
    I am Orion

  10. Barry, you are a national treasure.

  11. Mr Huddleston, please join my Marginal Poetry group in facebookland. I just had to repost your above haiku there, credited, of course.

    Sharon, this piece is quite the salient blogticle, and certainly one of the most introspective ones that you've yet written. Thanks for publishing it here on your blog.

    You well gno that I just celebrated an anniversary mys'elf. Well, permit me to offer some sage advice. To paraphrase the late 19th into early 20th century founder of The Roycrofters, Elbert Hubbard (no relation to the founder of Scientology), "Blessed is the man or woman who has found their work." That's another thing that love is. It's work. Lots of work. But in a good way … lol … May the work that you already love so much also include the work of a primary, loving relationship. Peace.

    From an unusually springlike Old Dominion,
    Anadae Quenyan Effro, Advisor & Counsel

  12. Bror, your approval is the highest honor. I am exploring all things relationship in this series as the subjects come to me. One week, it might be about the rigors of dating, the next about sex, and the next about commitment. I don't know what each week of singledom will inspire.

  13. Great points about the truth of love! And how considerate of Roy from Las Vegas to jump in with his hand puppets and provide such an excellent example of the type of man that any intelligent woman would avoid at all costs.

  14. Oh, LGH, I love you little sister. Hahaha. Yes, I deal with this often. I should repost the one about "where is my man?"

  15. @ LGH: You read my mind...

    @Big sis: WOW. That's all I got... WOW. The blog post was well written, intelligent, and articulate... and the comments.. were... well, WOW.


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