Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Sex and the Single Ghost Hunter: The Simplest Thing

I was as indoctrinated into a female dream world as most women, reading romance novels, watching romantic comedies, and plotting out a dream wedding some day.

Life has a way of ruining just about everything you imagined it would be. Instead, I married someone who didn't have a romantic or charming bone in his body.  I settled for having a justice of the peace wedding and catered my own reception. I was not told I was beautiful or given compliments. And, when I caught a cold or flu, he threw his arms into the air and grumbled, "Oh great! Now I'm going to get sick!"

It should have broken me and made me bitter. Instead, it left a hunger in me. A hunger for the tiniest gesture of kindness and caring; not because of obligation, duty and chore, but because I somehow evoked tenderness in a man. 

It was only this year that I had the single most romantic moment of all the moments of my entire life combined. For anyone else, it would make no sense why it was utterly captivating, but after a lifetime of being ignored and not nurtured with loving gestures, the tight knot in my belly loosened, my defenses dropped, and I felt a little sob of relief deep within as if the universe finally heard my deepest desire, to provoke a loving gesture from a man in an unguarded moment.

What was this romantic gesture? It wasn't a compliment or flattery. It wasn't flowers or candies.

I was cooking supper, getting it onto the plates when he reached over and brushed the hair from my face in a gesture that was so natural and unguarded that it showed caring on his subconscious level. It was no flirty pat on the butt or compliment about how good the meal smelled. No, it was affection. True affection. Something I had never received. And, the single happiest moment with a man that I can ever recall.

Yes, men, it might seem that women expect so much from you; put the seat back down, pick up your dirty clothes, quit buying video games, and take me out for supper now and then, but it still boils down to this - we're really just feeling hurt for a lack of nurturing.

Women are caretakers from the moment we first bundle up a baby doll. Men grow up, marry and end up being treated like they are still with their mommy. Women don't have mommies when we grow up. We are the mommies. Sometimes, when we have had about enough of responsibilities and everyone else coming first, one tiny little gesture of mothering can make our hearts melt and replenish us.

I know you're going to ask me about the man. No, we are not an item. But, he will always be in my heart for giving me something I dreamed about since I was a girl approaching womanhood. For that, he is a romantic hero and a very fine man. And, I dare to dream again.


  1. I know who it is .... Techno Viking!!!

  2. That's a very nice story Autumn. It really is the simple little things we cherish, isn't it? I know it is for me.

  3. Admittedly, impressing me is a weird thing. The usual charm and flirting, compliments and baiting just don't work. I've heard it all and I find myself very skeptical about it. If a man tell me he thinks I'm sexy or beautiful and that's the first approach--he's off my list immediately because I know what he is buttering me up for. It's the real things--like connecting intellectually, spiritually, or finishing each other's sentence and then laughing. The most bonding moments I've ever had with humans was when we laughed together. It's like sharing an experience and being totally comfortable.

  4. That's a great post, Autumn. Women are trained to want an ideal that the whole world is now geared to never deliver. LOL. Surprise!!!

    It really hurts to laugh about this crap. But your post shows the truth of the matter: the ideal that women really want is actually reality in its most irreducible form. Not fantasies or BS. You know, deep down, I am pretty sure that men want the same thing. I blame the media for turning private life into a big cinematic crazy playground, half porn, half video game. It's almost impossible to find it, but one minute of genuine loving reality is worth 30 years of bells and whistles bleeping romantic BS.

  5. Every woman needs a nurturing man in their lives. And I'm just happy that I am still able to impress ya! :D

  6. Those romantic novels (usually written by women, surprise-surprise) can put real-life men at a disadvantage because they create unrealistic expectations of what men should do, romantically-speaking. But it's nice to see that such a simple gesture meant so much to you.

    When somebody does something for you, it doesn't matter WHAT it is as much as WHY it is. Grand gestures are fine on occasion, but nobody does them all the time - and if they did, even those would become ordinary.

    So don't expect him to bring you candy and flowers every day... rather, notice when he brushes back your hair.

  7. Yeah, I am thankful for kindness. Gifts never impress me or too much flattery. I think most women want to know that, when the man is not ever aware of it, he unconsciously does something that shows the deeper feeling. Those unguarded moments.

  8. Women seem to be turned-off by everthing men are turned-on by. Like I like to say: "men don't understand women and women don't understand that men don't understand women."

  9. Matt, I think your wording explained it perfectly. Turning on a woman and winning her affection and devotion are two different things. A man can be amazing in bed, but for a woman that does not constitute love. Love is from the deeds you perform when not asked.

    1. "Turning on a woman and winning her affection and devotion are two different things."

      Wow, I honestly never thought of that! It seems that you "can" teach an old puppy new tricks!

  10. The next sex and the single ghost hunter will be talking about the turning on a woman part--