Friday, February 24, 2012

Sex and the Single Ghost Hunter: It's Raining Men!

Single life is surprisingly a LOT like Bridget Jones. I used to watch that movie when I was married and envy her, even the moments of focusing on her weight and eating ice cream, getting drunk, and making a fool of herself. Whether she made it or not was totally up to her. Love? It could be just around the corner! And, so could heartache.

I thought when I became single that it would be raining men. I would hang out a shingle saying "this gal is single," and they would hover at my front door. So, maybe not so much.

I learned a lot along the way about where NOT to meet men.  

Bars. Anyone who is having some drinks and relaxing with his buddies, looks across the place and sees me, has a few counts against him. One count is that he chose me purely for my looks. That means his cock is making his decisions in women. The other count against him is the odds. What are the odds that in a bar of 80 women, 50 of whom are single, 22 who are of the right age range, that he found the love of his life out of 22 possible women in one location in a few hours' time?

Singles Sites. I know some people will quote eHarmony and's records, but honestly these people are strangers coming with no pedigree, no frame of reference, no person that can vouch for them. They come from all over town, all lines of work, all marital and non-marital situations, all bad habits and deal breaker conditions, and it's like spitting in the dark and hoping to hit a target.

Online.  As many amazing men as I have met online, they are all over the country and world and there comes a time when one must decide whether to pursue a real-life meeting. Even, after knowing each other for months, sometimes years, meeting in person is a whole new dimension that can ruin everything. Chemistry isn't always guaranteed and then life situations--who is the one who has to move?

I like to see being single as a romantic comedy and not a tragedy. If the hero and heroine are supposed to get together, they will in the end.

In the mean time, lots of insecurity, angst, loneliness, joy, hope and, awkwardness. Yeah, it may not be raining men, but isn't it easier to notice the one promising raindrop that hits your face on a hot day than the floods and torrents hitting you all at once? Sometimes, it's that one sweet promise of what might be that's better than having everything at once.


  1. Well, men tend to make decisions with that organ regardless of the circumstance. The question is whether they back it up with support from other quarters. Human males are highly visual beings (as evidenced by higher spatial reasoning skills) and their erotic cues are based in the visual stimuli. Guys just think about sex all the damn time. It could be aunt stella's funeral and everything's sad and for a moment--however fleeting--some guy will probably have a sexual thought. I'm not saying this to degrade men to some cave man level, but it is how we are. I have a female friend who tells me that the first thing she notices about a guy is his smile, followed by his shoes. So, if she's any indicator, women are clearly wired differently. But I wouldn't dismiss the guy in the bar. He's likely not looking for true love, but then...nobody should be LOOKING for it. You should just go about your life and enjoy yourself. But be open to finding it should it come along. If you're hunting for it, you're likely to find yourself disappointed. As for the Internet.... There's no substitute for meeting someone in person, so even if your initial contact is online, you should try to meet (safely) in person and not after too much time. Too much time passes and people start to form a somewhat unshakeable mental picture of what you look like exactly and your mannerisms and how you talk and how you must laugh and... When reality meets this brick wall, disappointment again will likely leave a mess all over the place. Even if, objectively, the inidividual is "not bad", he or she hasn't lived up to expectations and will seem somehow inadequate.

  2. I'm not surprised men are flocking to you left and right. :)

  3. Kat, lil sis, I know you get it.

    Cullan, I totally get that about me being visual. I know women who are extremely plain, perhaps even homely, who are in adoring relationships, so apparently it's not a deal breaker for a man, but sometimes if a woman is very pretty, it is so distracting, a man can't shut his pants up long enough to use his mind and find out if he likes her too.

    Zombie, Well, 30% of the men are married who are interested, about 68% live very far away. So, apparently the raining men are scattered showers across the US. Ah, well. Here's to hoping for rain in the desert.

  4. I still want to see I Doubt It get it on with Autumnforest. That's something I can believe in.

    I would take picture during the event and then show them to I Doubt It. She would say, "I doubt it" and that would be super hot. Autumnforest would be so turned on she would write a book about it and sell it in Amazon. The book would be called, "Hot Bigfoot blogging girl on girl action volume 1: the Roy from Las Vegas sessions," and I would receive points in its sale.

    The pictures in the book would not be blurry, and if I were Bigfoot I would not turn my back on those fine foxes.

    F*ck yeah, Sharon - let's do this thing!

  5. It's not just men, it's people. People are generally bat shit crazy... It doesn't matter where you meet them, the majority are going to suck...

    Not us though, of course! We're awesome. ;)