Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Sex and the Single Ghost Hunter: Geek Dating


I recently put myself on several singles sites to see what is out there. Two of the sites are for geeks. I realized that on mass dating sites, I was getting the attention of all men instead of the particular ones I want. Even though I clearly in my profile said - no religion - I got steadfast Baptists and Catholics checking me out. I got conservatives and men who could not spell even basic words.

I will report how this experiment progresses. I fear for men in their mom's paneled basement and those who like to dress like Harry Potter or do LARP'ing, but I also know that since intelligence is high on my male priorities, I had to get past general population and narrow the field a bit.

What is Autumnforest looking for? Someone who is intelligent, asks questions about the universe, seeks knowledge and adventure, can laugh-especially at himself, is quirky with lots of interesting interests or focuses, likes to read, is affectionate and demonstrative, and hopefully taller than 5'8". Other than that, much is negotiable.

I am learning a lot from dating services:

Men who just say "hi" in a message will not get my response. I am not a dog. You cannot just randomly whistle and hope someone replies.

Men with a lengthy pre-written message that they use on everyone will not get my response.

Men who tell me off the bat they think I'm gorgeous and they love red hair will not get my response. They are basically saying "I want to f' the gal in the picture, but I did not read her bio."

Men with vague profiles are not to be pursued. They don't have to be particularly witty, but saying they love life and laughing, enjoy adventures and hope to find a mate, tells me they have no hobbies, no interests, no life, no quirks.

Men who specify they want a woman who is athletic are really saying "I don't want a fat chick." Men who ask if your picture is recent are terrified you are showing a pic of you when you were in your 20s and you are probably an old moose by now. Men think they are being tricky about how they narrow the field of women, but we know what they are getting at. One man even asked me to pose with a bottle upside down. I asked why and he said, "because I know you won't have a picture of you like that and I'll know that you just took it and your picture is recent."

Men can really give themselves away. When I put on my profile that I just wanted to correspond right now and not meet yet and wanted an affectionate man, he said "how the fuck am I supposed to show you I'm affectionate in an email?" I told him, "you just did." 

For those of my LGBT friends, there is a site to find your special geek. 

It is an awkward dance at best, but I will keep you updated in my Sex and the Single Geek search.


  1. That's interesting that you would say "taller than 5'8" because I have observed that a lot of women seem to like guys that are their height, like under 5'8. It's funny because I'm 6ft tall and I see all these girls with thier partners who are like 5ft tall and I'm like..what-up? I wonder, am I missing out on love because I'm too tall?

  2. Well, I'm 5'8" and I admit that I would like to be able to wear heels without making a guy uncomfortable.

    1. What decade would you prefer that your partner be born in.

    2. no worries there heels no heels all ok by me lol

  3. So if he was 6 in '66 then that would put him right smack dab in the middle of your range. (Not to mention being a kind of coincidental omen.)

  4. I hope you find the man of your dreams you deserve it. I'm gay sorry.

  5. I had a friend who made me a dating website account as well. The only thing it's useful for is a nice self esteem boost when you're feeling low. None of the guys who message me are seemingly even close to what I want... And if a guy does per chance message me that's interesting and such... the second message and the rest of the conversation he comes off as so disinterested it's not even funny.
    I tend to have the same rules for who I message back. I especially hate the "Hi", and even worse is that ":-D!!" It's like... You couldn't have put any more thought into that?
    The worst part is is that I even up played how nerdy I am, and I still get EVERYONE, all of them coming off that they just want sex. >.> In fact I had one guy straight off the bat just say "Wow you're hot, we should get together and hook up, play some games, if you know what I mean" ...
    Yeah. Lots of fun >.>

  6. Oh, lil sis, I get you on that! I can't tell you how many ones I got that wanted hook ups and I even got some women. Weird-o-rama. It's a bootie call for a lot of folks. Ick. I don't know if I want to swim in that pool--someone's been peeing in it.

  7. Good luck...I don't think you'll have any trouble finding someone

  8. I will say, OK Cupid is MUCH better than Plenty Of Fish. If the guys are looking for a hook up... They're less subtle. The only issue I've seen is they're very...socially awkward O_o

  9. AW! Good for you, for setting boundaries and knowing exactly what you are looking for.
    You are beautiful, smart and strong... Any man would be lucky to have you.

    And I agree about the "affectionate" emailing thing.

    I can't wait to read more about this experiment!

  10. It can work both way's when a woman sends me an email which usually a few words and when I answer in a similar reply they just disappear without a trace. Since I don't know someone it's hard to be yourself because of saying something, then having to explain to them in what context you meant by it, telling them as easy as you can and they ask more questions to match ever new answer you can give them ( I've been there so that's when I decided to match whoever wrote to me and I don't mean in word count but in the topic in which we're talking about something. also have you noticed that trend seems that start every now and again the profiles seem to get recycled with a theme to what they want or looking for in a partner, such as sense of humour is a big must (it's not when people expect you to be funny in their presnt because that's the only side they seen of you and when your not something must be wrong, next must be taller than me, which I think if a woman looks good going out, it shouldn't matter what foot wear she has on because if she wants to wear high heels she should have that right too (if the guy's worried about looking short than his date should should ask him what size shoes doe's he wear and she might have a pair which would fit him problem solved). Then there's the a man's man who take's control of HIS woman, who after a while will realize he's so self-centred and put's himself first and (in some cases if she's not left him by now) treat her mean keep or keen and she'll put up with him because she loves him and deep down he really cares for her! now we come to the walk on the beach hand in hand, you'd be lucky if there's one near you which is like 80 odd miles away, which wouldn't come cheap even if you did or didn't have a car or any other form of gas transportation, as I can't picture someone peddling on a push bike while the date sat on the crossbar, intelligence surfaces somewhere on the 4th or 5th on their list, me personally I wouldn't say or admit to being intelligence or smart because there are different level's to both, plus if you say you are people expect you to know anything and everything on any subject, latest one is travelling but not everyone like's to much heat, then there's someone who can hold a conversation which only works if it's both ways and when I do I get asked if I'm really a woman or gay because a guy isn't suppose to know about emotions or feeling's, which sometimes having emotions can be a bit of a hassle when there's nobody to share it with and no I haven't got a teddy bear or any other stuffed animal to keep me company, affectionate a new one on me as I haven't seen this one yet, but some people don't like being affectionate even if there's just themselves and their partner alone together. Well that's me done as I never meant to write this much as once I start to write it just takes over.