Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Sex and the Single Ghost Hunter: What Do Boys Want?

So, I'm out there in the single world 32 years after I exited it. When I stopped dating, I was still in adolescence. Boys took me to Burger King before we sneaked into a drive-in movie by hiding in someone's trunk so we didn't have to pay. My last official date? The prom. I won't tell you the year, but I vaguely remember that some idiot hired one of the kids from school's band that played super loud very hard rock music and no one could dance.

I'm guessing not much has happened since then. The singles world seems to be swamped with people desperate for sex. It's pretty ironic because when I was married for 26 years, I always thought my single friends had it made, got tons of sex, were exhausted with their social calendars. Not so, apparently.

So, imagine you are single and middle-aged male. Put the top 3 qualities a woman MUST have in the order of most important to lesser.

Girls always have lists of the ideal man, but honestly I was always the girl who just waited for a boy to like her and then was happy someone noticed her. I never asked what I wanted. I didn't dare hope for it. I think my parents set me up for it because they were the single worst gift givers in all the universe and, in fact, forgot my birthday many times. I knew that it was silly to dream, it would never happen. But, now that I'm older and wiser, I thought I'd put my list of qualities in order of importance.

Intelligent (I love nerds)
Funny (He absolutely must be able to laugh at himself and not just others)
Liberal (In spiritual and political views)

When I wrote this, I had to laugh. Basically, liberals are intelligent and funny, not taking themselves as seriously and close-minded as conservatives and not scared of knowledge either. So, I wondered technically if "liberal" should top the list because the rest were "givens" which would allow me to add "taller than 5'8" and "likes horror." I know, I know, I should have sex-a-holic on the list, but I feel confident I could give him the stimuli to become one.

Are you wondering what I feel about looks? I'm like most women. When a man has chemistry with us, he treats us a certain way and he's fun and a pleasure to be with, he becomes the most handsome man we've ever laid eyes upon. Plus, we generally do not trust beautiful flawless men in the least. Character and battle wounds are so much more attractive than baby faces and dimples. One screams "man!" and the other whispers "boy!"

Now that I have a vague sense of my ideal man, I'd appreciate learning your top 3 qualities in order for a female. If I'm lucky, I might have one of those qualities, as my readers are pretty much an example of what I'm looking for, I'll know I'm drawing in the right crowd.


  1. Being a single Male for over 17 yrs. there are a number of traits that I used to look for in a Female.

    1. Must be attractive looking and have a nice shape. Not a whole lot of make-up.

    2. Must be a Lady when necessary and not a slob. Who cares when doors are closed.

    3. Easy and fun to talk with.

    I could almost always tell if a Lady was interested in me in an instant. It's just one of those chemistry things that you mentioned before. There were, and probably still are, lots of Ladies out there looking for the right Male. Even though I'm out of that "Dating Race" I can still see and tell who's interested.

    It took me 17 yrs. to find a good Lady. I was a bit picky, you might say.

  2. Oh boy! Just what men want!
    ANOTHER list of what women want! (LOL!)

    I had written a long, intricate post detailing the various aspects of what people look for in their relationships. But there was a problem loading my comment and it all got lost.

    So I'll took the hint and revises it to be brief. People all want/need the same basic things from their partners, regardless of gender: Physical, Intellectual and Emotional Attraction.

  3. i am chiming in... cause when you are younger you want the girl on tv, when older you want the woman who can watch it.

    01 hands and eyes [for the soul]
    02 great sense of life and humor [has to laugh at the word dangle-berries]
    03 know one's self [not dead weight in society]

    i am sure there is many more, but i went with the top three.

  4. Welcome back to the single life! :)

    Here is my top three character traits I look for

    1) Great personality
    2) not be closed minded
    3) Enjoying life!


  5. Wow! You men are very insightful. There is hope for me too because I laughed when I read "dangle-berries."

  6. 1) Has to have a great sense of humor
    2) Easy on the eyes
    3) Must posses great multiple personalities. If one of her personalities is too much to handle that can become stressful.

  7. I love a sparring partner. The girl has to have a sharp wit, and a great sense of humor. I'll give her crap, she'll give me crap, and it's all a twisted form of foreplay.

    For looks, I have a weakness for freckles. I don't know what it is, but the two biggest girls I've ever crushed on had them. One on her face, the other on her chest. That freckled cleavage drove me WILD.

    Lastly I like a woman who has a sense of independence. Sure, I like being the man sometimes, and the protector/provider/etc from time to time. But there's something when a women WANTS you in her life instead of NEEDS you to take care of her...

    So there, that's my 3.

  8. 1. Sense of humor
    2. Spiritual awareness
    3. Overactive sex drive

  9. Well, you delicious men certainly cast a light on it for me. I feel very confident now, even about my damn chest freckles and my overactive sex drive, my sense of humor and independence. Wahoo! I'm hoping men are okay with redheads. I know some think they're awesome, others are scared of them. For all the scared men, I promise I don't bite. Unless you want me to.

  10. 1.) Willingness to have doors opened etc. without resorting to accusations of misogyny. Or in other words, allow a gentleman to be a gentleman, and not mistake niceness for weakness.

    2.) Confidence and comfort in one's own skin is far more attractive than a Barbie doll figure.

    3.) A mental and emotional maturity that can ride the fine line between sensual and vulgar and not fall too much to either side.

    Really hard to narrow it down to three actually... If you had asked me 20 years ago, all three answers would have probably just referenced a part of the anatomy.

  11. there is no reason you shouldn't feel confident about your chest freckles and your over active sex drive and your red hair! ;D