Sunday, March 20, 2011

Hunting Females

Hey, I want to thank Timoteo for this concept. He said I should write an instruction book on females and their mysteries and I figured I have more secret knowledge about women than I'll ever have about the ghost world.

Let's assume your purpose in understanding the female is to make a relationship and "get some" regularly, and perhaps not be in misery once achieving these goals.

Here's what you need to know about the female before you go hunting:

Your woman dresses up to go out. She does this so you know what a prize you have, but also because she knows you want to show others your status as the man who can get such a prize.

If you tell her that she needs to dress down because you want to wear jeans, don't expect to get any that night.

If you forget to tell her that she's so hot you don't know if you want to share her with the world, don't expect to get any for the next week.

If you DO tell her that she's so hot that you don't want to share her with the world and you use that as an excuse to just stay in for the evening, don't expect to get any for a month.

When it comes to women, don't forget to give us head. Yes, well, get your mind out of the gutter... It begins with planting a hint in a woman's head that you cannot wait to be with her later on. Let her simmer on that thought all day. Then, we you do have your woman at hand, you must make love to her head first. No, not promises and sweet words. Those are very nice, but women need connection, intimacy. Put your hands in her hair, the nape of her neck, hold her face as you kiss her, slip your tongue into her ear and pant lightly so she can tell you're aroused and when you go for her neck, feel her melt beneath you. The neck is such a highly vulnerable and tender place on a woman, her body pools with heat and moisture. This is a female's Achilles. It's at that moment, you can rock your most aroused part against her in a mating gesture and she will part her thighs and very likely beg you to be in her right this minute! Don't miss the opportunity to whisper desperately why she arouses you so much. A woman's purpose is to be attractive and draw you in to want her and she needs to hear that and she feels powerful in a very vulnerable moment knowing that you too are overwhelmed. If you go for the head and neck first, she will give you the most mind-blowing sex she can possibly produce.

We know that it's a man's tendency to come at the woman with both hands cupped, ready to go at the three points of interest, but this just annoying for the female. It becomes apparent that you are after her parts and not the woman inside. We want you to be mad for us and then be thrilled when you discover we also come with parts.

If a woman bitches at you about the toilet seat, the lack of hygiene or dish cleaning or dirty laundry, it's really just legitimate things to gripe about when there are other things we really can't address with you, like clumsy lovemaking, lack of compliments and support, ignoring foreplay, giving us a toaster oven for our anniversary...

If you try to control a woman by telling her how to dress, how to act, what to do, what not to do, you will get a woman preparing to rebel like an angry teenager.

Women have so much to offer. Depending on if you're looking for breeding, hot sex, someone to do things with or someone who stimulates your creativity or mind, we can serve all those purposes. So, beware how and why you choose a woman. Try and get a balance of someone you can both talk to and sleep with, laugh with and look at across the breakfast table. Yes, we come with great parts, but those parts are just the fun extras on someone who stimulates your mind, heart and inspires you to be even more, long before you even bed her.

One thing you really need to know about women is we know why you picked us and we lose all security as times goes on if you picked us for looks or sex because we will age and make babies and stretch and not snap back so fresh and pretty. If you picked us for your companionship but took little interest in the sexual aspect of the relationship, we will be a roommate and companion, but hardly the passionate love of your life. If a woman knows you picked her for several features, she will always feel secure and confident in the relationship which greatly reduces any jealousy issues when we know you need us for several purposes and not just one.

Don't worry, women, I only gave them a few of our secrets.


  1. Take your post on women, and my post on men. We should tag team up and hit the daytime talkshow circuits. Dr. Phil, here we come!

    A little thing I want to add. If you tell her she's beautiful/hot/etc too much, it loses its meaning, and you fall into a vicious trap. Because now she expects it. You back off so it means more when you say it, and she will wonder why you're not saying it as much. Keep up the pace, and she'll just 'ho hum' your comments and won't be able to tell when you're trying to get some...

    I ran into that problem last night. My advances turned into "constant pawing at her" and an argument erupted...

  2. MS;
    Hope you liked it.

    Well, I was never once told I was pretty, except a few times told my hair was "fluffy" which was the best he could do. I can't hear it enough, but you can't be vague. "Damn! You look good in that color, you should wear it more often." That is dazzling. "I love when you show off your legs--you have the sexist legs." That works well too. "You look great." Sounds like a nicety you say when you don't really mean it. So much as the pawing, dude, you had to give her head first. If you go at her after ignoring her, not good.

    Here's the key: Women are not on/off switches, we are reostats. You know, those dimmer lights you can adjust. You want some later on, don't ignore her all day. Let her talk about her day if she needs, feel like someone gave a shit. Jump in and help her finish the dishes so you can cuddle. Bring her a drink while you watch a movie. Just don't pretend she didn't exist all day and then go to her for some, she will be pretty pissed.

  3. Well thank you for this insight into the female psyche. Definitely something us men have no idea about. We are for the most part ignorant to all the needs of our female counterparts.

    Sharon are very pretty :)

  4. Reid;
    Honestly, I'm a female (duh), but even I can't figure us out a lot of times. I guess because I like the way men are just straightforward and frank about things. I appreciate that. Women are communicators but in our role as the mother and caretaker of the children and facilitator of all things family, we must learn to read messages and in between the lines and anticipates problems and needs. The issue becomes when we aren't reading things into stuff. I'm a HUGE advocate of logical thinking and not putting illogical expectations on the world and others so I don't get those huge swings in emotions other women do. Sometimes, I'd rather just hang with men because women do create drama where none needs to be, but then with every weakness is a strength. Because of this, if you have a woman who feels loved and secure, you will have someone who can make you live to your potential, make you feel more loved than ever before, and will fight and kill for her young. The good with the bad.

  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

  6. Give me all the secrets and I will be a rich man.

  7. Adrian;
    If I did that, I'd lose what little intrigue there is remaining.

  8. Right on Sis... glad you didn't tell them everything, lol.

  9. This is cut and dry instructions for hunting the right remale.

  10. THANKS for saying women create drama where none needs to be! I thought maybe I was crazy, wondering why my life with her had to be a soap opera (and a Mexican one at that--you know, where each scene has two people spitting angry stuff at each other).

    Great advice...the ear and the neck were already my little specialties, so I'll give myself credit for not being ENTIRELY clueless LOL!!!

    I think it's true that our most relevant sex organ is the, it's so true that it has to start there for me, so why wouldn't it be the same for the woman? I think you're talking about passion, and if you feel passion for someone, you must show her that it's there, eh?

    Wow, yes...good companionship and intimacy--that's the whole package. One without the other leaves a big sink hole that the relationship will eventually fall into.

    I think a lot of us men need to be reminded of these insightful points you've made. Yes, we are simpler and more direct creatures, but sometimes we can be too direct. You get sweeter music from the violin if you caress it while playing!

    Thanks so much. Nice photo too. Say, do you know you look so hot in that...

  11. Me in a cage, hot, hmm? Hahaha.
    Glad to give you insight, Timoteo. Yes, we do create drama but that's because a woman must work her mind to anticipate things, so we work out every scenario and we look for subtle signs. How does a woman know what kind of baby cry means "poopy pants" and which one means "I missed my nap"? Subtle little cues. Unfortunately, that highly attuned intuition can play out seeing things that aren't there. A guy who comes home and is silent is stewing about something, maybe mad at her, maybe seeing someone else... I used to play a game with my son when he was little just to teach him how your thoughts are only entertainment and not necessarily reality. We'd see someone skipping across the parking lot and I'd say "why?" he'd give me a reason "he just won the lottery" and I'd say "the soles of his shoes are worn down and the pavement is hot" and he'd say "he's doing it on a dare" and I'd say "bees are chasing him." No one interpretation was correct, so without questioning the man, we would never know why. So, I'd like to teach women the same thing. I quiet man can be a man worried he's about to lose his job or perhaps exhausted from talking all day. No one explanation is the right one until you ask him. So, women, that would be my advice to you.

  12. Holy crap, thanks for the tips! followed!