Here's a blogging love story in time for Valentine's.
In my marriage, my ex told me he was no longer attracted to me, that I had "let myself go." My ego had been beaten down for the past 12 or so years by his inconsideration and his cruel words. I hid my face from the blog and didn't want anyone to see me. I felt completely repugnant that someone who is supposed to love me for life thought I was inconsequential and beyond redemption in the looks department and that negated the thousand other reasons I was awesome and lovable. I had stood in the past before clients looking at my naked body and critiquing it to decide if they would hire me for a modeling job and judges in pageants who looked at me like a piece of fine horse flesh, but I had never had someone I was intimate with lash me with his words and looks of disgust, lip curling in contempt. So, I remained hidden away.
One day, a blogger whom I admired coaxed me to let him see my face. I braved the risk of ridicule and went and took a picture and sent it to him. I wished I could take it back the minute I hit "send," but now it was out there and I would probably never hear from him again. I know enough about men to know that a woman's worth still comes down to her appearance. I am not so naive as to believe men are not visual creatures. So, I waited. I paced. I felt sick to my stomach.
Then, he replied that I was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. Why was I hiding my face? I couldn't explain that my husband had so distorted my worth by his nagging and nitpicking that I was not seeing myself accurately. I felt vulnerable and exposed.
Then, he sent me back this profile picture that I use. I'm sure you've all wondered if I'm like the picture at all. I can say that he did a great job of just enhancing and cartooning the look of me, but kept my essence. He saw my beauty. He could not stop reassuring me that I was beautiful and that my husband was an ass.
And so, I came out of my anonymous hiding in the blog world and exposed myself a bit more and a bit more at a time. I gained confidence because a man whose opinion meant something to me, an artist whose focus was all things visual, thought I was beautiful. I must be radiating how I feel inside.
For the first time in so very very long, someone saw the real me, all of me from inside out. So, today, I dedicate this post to him. A man who saw me when I had been invisible and completely ignored for so many years, that I wondered if I even existed anymore.
What do I love about my Valentine? He's funny, handsome, considerate, sexy, virile, smart, talented, hard-working, a little dangerous and most importantly, has clear vision.
Share with us. How did your Valentine change your life?