This is my first in a series of interviews with The Human's abandoned doll collection. Expect one every Thursday.
Since I'm running this posting today, I took the liberty of choosing the doll on my shelf that I think is the most bad-ass scary. I haven't so much as tried to pick her up or even talk to her or, hell, even look at her!
The Human set us up together for the interview and I admit I was glad the cage was between us. I wanted to know this gal's story, but I wasn't sure what I'd find. Well, here's the interview and I hope you're not a bunch of big babies because her story is going to trouble you big soft human beings.
DALE: I have to admit, I've been sitting on the other end of the shelving unit from you with a bunch of dolls between us. You probably know that you're kind of scary. Maybe it's the cage or the weird eyes. Where the hell did you come from?
CAGED CARRIE: I was a little girl's doll. She always liked to wrap me in blankets and push me in a stroller and let me sleep beside her. She talked to me all the time. I was her best friend. One day, her parents got her a parakeet. It squawked all the time. I think it made her mad. She couldn't sleep because of the noise. The bird died suddenly one night. Another time, her mother punished her for hanging up the phone when her client was on the other end. The mother's purse was set on fire. A girl came to visit and play in the room and stuffed me into the toilet. That visiting girl tripped and fell onto a bunch of tacks.
Dale: The little girl sounded dangerous. I never trust humans. How did you keep from getting hurt?
Caged Carrie: She would never hurt me!
Dale: Did she cause anymore troubles?
Caged Carrie: Oh, she never caused any trouble.
Dale: But, you said that she lit her mom's purse on fire, killed the parakeet, made the kid fall onto a bunch of tacks.
Caged Carrie: No. She didn't do those things. I did. No one messes with people I love.
Dale: T-then how did you end up in the bird's cage?
Caged Carrie: Well, you see, her parents thought she had done all those things. They wouldn't believe her. They took away her toys to punish her. Her mother gathered up the cage and me and her other toys and dumped us into a big box. Her father drove it to the donations place, but the box fell out along the roadway. Someone picked up the box and dragged it into the desert and took a bunch of the toys from it and left me there wedged into the cage. I sat there on the desert floor for almost a year in the heat and the rain.
Dale: So, how did the human get you?
Caged Carrie: She was wandering around an abandoned place and saw all the toys spread out in the desert. She picked me up and that headless doll.
Dale: What was The Human thinking bringing you into her place?
Caged Carrie: Actually, she was thinking that if you acted up, she'd take me out of my cage. I don't like when people are mean to those I love. If you mess with the human and I get out of this cage, I'm going after you, you little plastic eunuch!
Dale: This interview appears to be coming to a close. If you ever wondered about Caged Carrie's story, it is a disturbing one. We can be thankful that she is stuck inside that metal grating. At least, I sure as hell am!