Bigfoot: My Furry-Butted Relative

(photo above; hopefully the only way we'll ever capture Bigfoot--as a plastic doll)

Sure, I hunt ghosts, but I also have a fascination for Bigfoot. I haven’t had a personal encounter with him like I have with ghost phenomenon, but still for some weird unexplainable reason, I have always believed he is out there. It’s a strange feeling, as if I’ve been separated from a twin at birth. I sense he exists, I feel as if my life is being paralleled, and I also know that when I come face-to-face with him, my world will change and I’ll have a sudden sense of peace, as if everyone is accounted for in my family tree.

People often say, “if Bigfoot is out there, we should be seeing him, seeing his bones, seeing his hiding places.” I don’t know about them, but I’ve lived in the desert Southwest since 1977 and I’ve tried desperately to see a javelina without success. I guess I could say that until I see one, they don’t exist. It’s kind of like ghosts, until you encounter the unexplained, it doesn’t exist. I suppose Bigfoot skeptics will have to be faced with his hairy butt in some thick forest before they’ll say what others who’ve come across him have said, “what the hell was that?”

What would keep such a population alive so long would surely be a social grouping. Look at apes and chimps, they have an extended family they live amongst. They breed within the group, they live within the group, they forage for food within the group. Bigfoot cannot be a loner and breed. He must have his own suburbia. I think it would be against his very nature as a primate not to. I also think that, like the Great Ape, he would know how to hide up in the hillside for as long as possible before being found. Some locals might report such a hairy creature for centuries before someone stumbles upon his family’s hideout. Apparently, Bigfoot is still in the legend status as the Great Ape once was. We no longer deny the Great Ape because the locals told stories of him without proof of his existence. This is simply a matter of time and tenacity until we get the real in-the-flesh proof that science and humanity demand.

I personally don’t want to see Bigfoot’s future go the way of the Great Ape. I’m not paying admission to a zoo to see him pacing a big iron cage and being taunted by teens in baggy pants tossing popcorn at him.

My advice, my big cousin, is to continue to find those reaches in the Washington State Mountains and Oregon hillsides where you’ll best protect your family. Don’t do anything stupid one night like eat too many psychedelic mushrooms and stumble onto a roadway to be plowed down by a family’s SUV. Whatever you’re doing, keep it up. Don’t be found. Don’t prove yourself to the satisfaction of us who have always believed in you.

In the long run, prove you’re equally as smart as man because you know what capture means. Hide your furry butt someone where the sun don’t shine and stay icy. Leave only enough evidence to scare off the weak-willed and remind those who believe that their brother is still in the woods.

But, whatever you do, please remain an intriguing legend.

p.s. Thanks for the Patterson-Gimlin home movies, bro, it’s the only way I have to remember you.


  1. Great post, I enjoyed reading it :)

  2. Thanks Zoey. I love that big furry idiot--I always think of Harry and the Hendersons. I wonder if BF's bottom lip sticks out when people are scolding him?

  3. I remember a bit from "Harry and The Hendersons" that's always stuck with me...

    Dr. Wallace Wrightwood (Don Ameche) and Mr. Henderson (John Lithgow) are talking about the existence of Bigfoot.

    Dr. Wrightwood: You've seen hundreds, thousands of pigeons, right?

    George Henderson: Of course.

    Dr. Wrightwood: Have you ever seen a baby pigeon? Well, neither have I. I got a hunch they exist.

  4. Bubba;
    Thanks for the laugh. You made my day.

  5. I think its the Krampus !

  6. Making your day makes mine. :)

  7. Ha Haaaaa!!!! He needs to stay away from Jack Links eating college guys. No more "Messin' with Sasquatch!"

  8. Damn, I'd love to have a DVD of just those commercials! Why can't SyFy borrow that suit from them and use it for their damned godawful original movies with BF? It's the most realistic BF ever and it's done for shits and giggles. Like, how hard is it to make a good BF for the movies? I wanted M. Knight to do a BF movie because I thought he'd get the big issue of "is he human or not?" but his movies are for-shit the last several times, so I think I'd give that subject to JJ Abram, although he might make BF eat an entire city on some kind of radioactive binge.

  9. Good post =] It was a nice read :) keep up the good work!

  10. Thanks Doo and Mister Sharaf;
    You never quite know what I'll do on here, but it'll keep you on your toes.

  11. I'm with gnostalgia; it's Krampus. He immigrated here from Europe once Christmas lost it's dark side. Halloween's much cooler. :) Good post - I'm not sure where I stand on bigfoot, but well-written post!

  12. Yeah, I do love that character! Yeah, BF is one of those polarizing subjects. I do not, however, believe in Mothman, Jersey Devil, Loch Ness Monster, chupacabra or aliens from other planets. I do, however, believe in my BF.

  13. Poetry of the Day;
    He is a fun subject!

  14. A couple of years ago I drove from far Northern Queensland down to Sydney. The only kangaroos I saw were road kill. Perhaps real kangaroos are flat animals with tire track markings.

  15. It can be that bigfoots shaved themselves and live among us that's why science did not come across him.

  16. I love your style of writing... I used to have a fear of Bigfoot when I was a child, thanks to Harry and the Hendersons haha... followin!

  17. I've seen a few BF movies...

    No, wait, that's something different.

  18. Hey, Andre The Giant played Bigfoot on an episode of "The Six Million Dollar Man"! Now THAT guy was a bigfooty/sasquatchilarious kinda guy! I bet Bigfoot smells like old sandals...

  19. Noog;
    Thrilled to have you on-board.

    Now I want the titles of those movies that were mistaken for BF.

    OrganicMeatbag; (love that name!)
    I agree. That episode of Six Million Dollar Man (or was it 2 episodes--I think they milked that one for 2 episodes if I recall) was brilliant. Andre was the greatest. I loved him in Princess Bride too.

  20. I like your approach to Bigfoot.Aye if he's got any sense he'll keep one eye over his shoulder n not let himself be proven.
    Bones,remains decompose quickly in a forest so lack of any means very little n if he dont want found i'm sure it possible.
    We have a legend or two of our own in Scotland,like big cats.Rubbish I said theres no way large panthers,jaguars etc could live here and not be caught.Was driving down side of Loch Ness (never seen her,doesnt exist if you ask me) at 4.30amish on xmas eve and rounded a corner to see a very big,muscular and powerful cat stroll across the road,pause,fire me a contemptuos look then bound into the trees,it was a she lion,size,shape,colour etc plus it dwafted my german shepard.if that can live here bigfoot can too

  21. theBADpenny;
    I'm a Fraser and very proud to be a Scots. I cannot imagine what it would be like to live in a place not known for a creature and then run into it. Talk about shock! I'm in the desert southwest and if I were wandering an arroyo and ran into a porcupine, I'd be very shocked. I am absolutely certain of a big cats population in GB. I also do not believe in Nessie, but I sure wish she were real. I'm a romantic at heart but my pragmatic side always takes control. I do believe in BF. I just hope we don't find the critter. He's earned his peace.

  22. It's good to talk to someone who has Scottish ancestory who actually knows they're a Scot and not

    Oh aye talk about shocked but at the same time I felt incredibly privileged aswell because it was a magnificent creature but thank god I came across it in the car and not on foot cos this thing could tear a man to pieces if it took a mind too.

    I'd worked as a tree cutter many times actually living out in the forests in a caravan on site so the enviroment well but that gave me a whole new perspective on being alone in the middle of nowhere by myself in the dark.Until then I'd firmly believed that anything out there in the dark would be far more scared of me than I was of it,the biggest predator we have indigineosly is the fox which is about the size of a collie dog so I never felt scared of being alone in the dark countryside but now I know what else it out there well......

    Though saying that they've kept far away from man and who can blame them.

    They say it was when all the big land owners,in the late 19th and earlt 20th century who kept collections of wild animals on their estates,brought back for India or some other part of the empire had to register and licence their big cats that they chose to set them free.This is the basis of the 'big cat' myth,whether thats why these animals are there or whether all the big cats weren't killed off along with the bear and wolves but managed to hide in the wildest parts of the Highlands who knows but they are there.

    As for 'Nessie' I just don't know what she could be but it's hard to believe from a logical point of view that a population of large creatures could live in Loch Ness.It's big enough,there is more water in Loch Ness than in every other body of water in the UK added together,it's incredibly deep at over 800ft,sheer sided and approx 26 miles long but the depth,cold and the fact the water is very dark and peaty means there is not as much life in it as you'd imagine,possibly not enough to feed a population of large predators.It's feed from the Moray Firth through the River Ness through the Caledonian Canal which it into at the other end aswell.The canal is controlled by lock gates so any large creatures have no access to either the sea or other bodies of water.

    I've spent so many nights fishing,camping,partying around Loch Ness,it has an incredibly dark feel to it,the whole area had a 'charged' atmosphere with many strange things there and a dark history.It is one incredible place though !!!

  23. Bad Penny;
    You don't need a mail order bride, do you? I promised my mother before she died that I'd go to Scotland. I always intended to. I suspect though that once I'm there, I simply won't want to leave. Sometimes you visit a place and you feel like you've always been there. I am such a romantic at hear and rolling hills, green and stones sounds like heaven. I love fog and cold and icy rains and gray oceans. I know I'd adore it. Plus, moisture always makes my red locks curl even more. Your life there sounds so beautiful and so idyllic. I cannot wait to go there and might have an opportunity coming up this year, so fingers crossed. I don't believe in Nessie either, but I would love to stand on the loch and just look out and breathe and soak it all in so I never forget it. As a psychic who touches things, I just want to run my hands over every stone structure I see.

  24. You have a way with words. A very interesting read. I enjoyed it very much I've only just begun to explore your blog very nice indeed. It is quite possible that BF is not a primative a primate as many believe they are smart enough to stay in the uncharted forest of North America and Asia that shows intelligence on their part to survive in solitary communities. It would be a shame to see them captured I liked that part.

  25. Hey PD;
    I agree! I always wanted to see M. Knight do a movie about BF and portray the dilemma of "is he beast or human?" I truly suspect he may be big, but he's not stupid oaf. He is probably closer to use, being upright and intelligent, simply seriously in need of some laser hair removal. :-)

  26. Great gave me some wonderful ideas for kids costumes...thanks!


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