Thursday, November 25, 2010

Isolation: Why Do Ghosts Pick on One Family Member?

I’ve been asked this question quite a few times. Why does only one person in a family experience haunting issues while others don’t?

Logic tells us there are a number of reasons which can include;

Location issues—only their room is troubled

—something particular about him/her, his/her sex, age, or sensitivity that is attractive to a spirit

Latent psychic qualities coming forth—an emerging psychic medium

Purposeful isolation—to keep him/her separated from the others in the family

Poor explanatory style—attributing explainable things to ghostly events

Mental illness—from paranoia to schizophrenia

Attention-seeking behavior—finding a way to get help by having something wrong

A great deal of haunting experiences occur when a person is alone. However, in a typical “haunted” house, several members of a family have experienced similar things at different times, on rare occasions together. The case of an isolated haunting particular to one family member is a difficult one to tackle. You have only one witness, but you do have some very important clues when interviewing the victim.

Here’s a list of some important questions to ask:

1. Does this occur when you are in bed, preparing for bed, sleeping, or awakening?
2. Does this happen in other parts of the home others have access to regularly?
3. Is there any “aura” before the occurrence; hair standing on end, chills, a feeling of being watched, or other warning sign of what is impending?
4. Are these occurrences only involved in one sense? Hearing? Seeing? Smelling? Touching?
5. Has this kind of thing happened in any other residence?
6. Why do you think it presents itself to you?

Some of these questions can really mete out what’s really happening. The first question is crucial because I generally dismiss anything witnessed in bed. There is no way to know the state of wake and sleep a person is in. We hear very often of ghosts coming to people at night and probably 90% of that or more is purely the sleep state issues.

If this occurs only in one’s bedroom and nowhere else in the house, then this could be site-specific and my suggestion would be to switch bedrooms with another family member and see if that person begins to experience such things. If it seems to follow the occupant to the new room, it might be person-specific. In that case, we have to mete out if there might be attention-seeking problems, mental illness, or perhaps something about that person that is different than the others and perhaps attractive to a spirit. Going through the rest of the questioning, might help clarify this.

If there is an aura occurring before an incidence, what we might be dealing with is a sensitive person who can sense changes in the atmosphere. Learning more about their capabilities and noting them in other places will help the person understand how natural it is and how these things come and go quickly and the human body can be a wonderful ghost hunting tool with its own onboard barometer.

I’m curious about whether the person is experiencing a haunting with one sense and not the others. It’s entirely possibly this person is a sensitive and this might be the only sense with which they can “feel” the other side. Knowing that they tend to be auditory or visual can help them in many parts of their life. For instance, an auditory-oriented sensitive might do better testing in school if he/she listens to an audio recording of the lecture to study.

If this has happened in another residence for the person, this is something inherent about the person. At this point, it’s important to discern if there are any family issues unaddressed or perhaps underlying mental illness. Most times, however, it’s a person who is more keyed into occurrences but has no skills or knowledge to understand the input. This could be a latent psychic ability in mediumship talent that has not been diagnosed or encouraged. Some people are simply more naturally tuned to phenomenon. These people have several ways they can deal with it; ignore it and accept that sometimes they’ll get strange occurrences and sensations and that they’re no different than being sensitive to loud sounds or disliking the cold, or they can learn more about their abilities and how to develop them by finding a psychic mentor.

The most telling question to ask is the last one. Why is this thing presenting itself just to her/him?

A person’s personal explanatory style will come into play in answering this one. You might need to sit there quietly for a while and wait for the person to spill their guts, but they will eventually toss an idea onto the table and from their response, you can know which way to help counsel him/her.


“Maybe the ghost is lonely?” or “Maybe the ghost thinks I’m nice?” This shows a healthy amount of self-esteem. This person believes that he/she is a good listener, a kind heart, a warm person to be drawn to. That same explanatory style will help the person deal with future events. He/she can either offer assistance in moving on to find their family members and find peace elsewhere or enjoy a sense of pride in knowing spirits are drawn to her/his aura and personality.

“The ghost is angry I’m here?” or “He wants his home back?” or “He wants to possess me?” This is not a healthy explanatory style and shows some wavering self-esteem. The assumption is that the ghost means no good because what it’s doing is scaring the occupant. This not only gives the power to the “unseen,” but it shows a person who tends to project others’ feelings as being created by their very presence. If something goes wrong, “it must be me.”

This advice I’m going to give works for friends and yourself when they’re/you're being negative. You find proof that what they/you believe isn’t the only assumption. You have to put their statement on the stand and prove it flimsy and false.

Start here:

You: “You think the ghost doesn’t like you, right?”
Client: “Yeah.”
You: “Have you ever had someone mad at you before?”
Client: “Sure.”
You: “When was the last time someone was mad at you?”
Client: “I don’t know, a couple days ago. My mom came home and was all grumpy and mad I didn’t start supper.”
You: “Could there have been other things making her mad that day?”
Client: “I suppose.”
You: “Can you name three reasons she might have been mad that had nothing to do with you?”
Client: “She hates her job. The traffic was bad. She got home later than usual.”
You: “But you think it was you she was mad at?”
Client: “I guess it could have been a lot of things.”
You: “Is it possible if there is a spirit spending time in this location, it could be many things making the spirit unsettled? Can you name three reasons other than you?”
Client: “He can’t find heaven? He’s missing his family? He doesn’t want to be here but can’t figure out how to leave?”
(Immediate relief)

Reframing a haunting for a client is the very most important aspect of it. If you are quick to tell someone they have a haunted house or they have spirits wandering their halls, you have already left him/her with a large burden of worry. You can’t truly prove one way or the other if there are spirits in their house or if spirits even exist in the first place, but haunting features are unsettling – wherever they originate from.

Helping the client be able to reframe how they see they explain to themselves the sights and sounds can change the very tone of their home and their reaction to it. When you bring in priests and prayers and holy water and talk of possession and angry spirits and such (“Paranormal State” or as I like to call it, “Paranoid State” show), you’ve just made the person feel worried about the unknown, fearful, and helpless.

The fact is, these sounds and appearances will continue to occur. There is no way to “stop” a haunting, but you can change the way you interpret what’s happening. It’s possible to debunk many sounds in the house, many doors slamming, and other features so that people can live comfortably in their home.


  1. I'm haunting a Turkey today! Happy Thanksgivings Day everyone.


  2. Thanks Barry--let's hope that the only haunting for people is their bloated bellies moaning.

  3. On a similar note to this, it's often heard that people and families who experience hauntings are found to be suffering from carbon monoxide poisoning.

    On two occasions of what I considered more active than usual hauntings, one when I was living with my family, and another with someone else, I was found to have symptoms of poisoning, but as none of the other people involved were ill, the diagnosis was dismissed.

    This post also reminded me of when me and my little sister shared a room as kids. We were terrified of the bedroom, left it first thing in the morning and only returned to sleep. We were moved to my brother's room while he was away, and had no problems. Later in the year when we went back, things had settled down, although there were always odd goings on in that house anyway, primarily in the upstairs hall.


  4. CF;
    There are loads of other factors to be included in hauntings. If only one person is suffering, I'd wonder about carbon monoxide, but then if they have a space heater or fireplace in their room, that is one thing I would be considering. There's lots of real-world explanations for such things. So far as a room that has issues, that is very common. I'm a believer in the principles of Feng Shui and know that the flow of a room and its shape and location do seem to contribute to ill feelings in it. Sometimes, a simple rearranging of the room and clearing out clutter and adding more light can change things dramatically.

    1. I don't have a space heater or anything to cause carbon monoxide and I'm the only one suffering. Is there another cause for this? Because I'm scared

  5. Great explanation, makes sence.Have a great Thanksgiving.

  6. Thanks. Hope you have a wonderful day, Echo.

  7. Happy Thanksgiving! I have 2 awards to pass to you. One I've been meaning to stop by and tell you about: and one I just did today for Thanksgiving Hope you have a great day!

  8. Court;
    Thanks, sweetie! I hope you have a glorious and comfy day.

  9. Too bad we weren't in contact when I lived in my haunted Queen Anne Victorian many years ago. I experienced many things as well as my ex and a few friends and/or family members who stayed over. I unfortunately just really didn't pay attention to what I felt, sensed, smelled, etc. prior to these experiences.

  10. It's funny but when I was a kid, my fellow buddies in the surburban tract houses surrounding my estate used to say that they hated being alone because they feared someone would break in. I lived in an isolated estate and we had no locks on the doors. I never once in my childhood considered someone breaking in. My fear was what the ghosts would do next. Sometimes, it was quite unpredictable.