Sunday, August 1, 2010

A Hot Melting Cookie

Away from a bit of horror and ghost hunting here, but probably not a bad subject to tackle, as I suppose nearly every one reading this has tackled this issue—the dreaded food triggers. I was reading a brilliant friend’s blog and something she was talking about triggered a realization for me.

There was a time when I was obsessed with sweets, especially hot chocolate chip cookies. Something in my life changed where almost overnight, the need for the cookie left me and was replaced with what it had masked. Anger and hurt. So, I turned to exercise and ate a lean diet, working the gremlins from my system, reclaiming my body and my rights to be angry and not stuff it down.

A funny thing happened. One day, I had to make a batch of my famous cookies for a get together. I smelled them cooking, but did not have a moment of anticipation. I saw them hot and settling on a cutting board and not even a twinge of need. I picked one up, broke it in half and popped a bit into my mouth. It wasn’t bad. It wasn’t good. It was just a freaking cookie. All that it once meant was gone from it.

You know when you fall out of love, following much hurt and many arguments, you can look at that person and not feel any longing anymore or anticipation? I looked at the cookies cooling on the counter and felt that. I saw them and no longer saw my bliss, but saw all the pain and hurt they masked.

I had fallen out of love with the cookie


  1. very interesting post. i'm going thru that battle now - i want to reach that bliss.

  2. Sandra;
    Yeah, the cookie was just a way to make me shut my mouth from a lot of anger and hurt. Instead of realizing I was so hurt, I tried to soothe myself like a child would. I'm not good at owning anger at all; it's completely against my personality and the way I approach life. I have learned to defend myself and own my anger now and the cookie is not compatible with speaking out loud.

  3. Well........
    Normally I would say, How freakin weird that I'd go to one of my Fav blogs and find just what I had been thinking about....but since it's YOUR blog! But OF COURSE it's here.
    Without going into TOO much detail, I was just emailing a friend back and we were talking about failed relationships, broken hearts and betrayal....I had said that I had finally reached a point where I stopped focusing on staying thin and just ate what I had deprived myself of for so long. If I couldn't find HAPPINESS, I would find comfort in chocolate and cheese, 2 loves that I had ALWAYS avoided. Then I discovered an amazing side effect! The fatter I got, the less attention I was getting from men which meant no HEARTBREAK! So I have become a roly poly happy person and if I feel sad I just jam a cookie in my mouth. But as I said in the email, it's started to affect my health. My cholesterol is too high, so sadly I need to start peeling off this protective layer of fat and get healthy and stop stuffed cookies into the whole in my heart.
    Once again TMI! - Cindi
    I'll go now and check out that blog!

  4. I meant stuffing into the HOLE, not whole....duh.

  5. Cindi;
    You're a hoot and, guess what? My famous dirty chocolate chip cookies? Zero cholesterol--now is that heartbreaking or what? Hee hee

  6. Sometimes me think what is love, and then me think love is what last cookie is for. Me give up the last cookie for you.

    —Cookie Monster

    The Cookie Monster is my guru.

    My word verifiction is berps (almost burps)

  7. Barry,
    You just have to quote the wise ones, huh? I could seriously use a guru. Want to apply?

  8. Oh no dear, I would not be a good guru. My patron Saint is Simeon the Holy Fool (He is considered to be a patron saint of all holy fools and also puppeteers). That should tell you all you need to know.