Dale the Doll: I'm Planning my Escape

So, I've been thinking about leaving the Human. Sure, we struck up a bargain and I can sometimes use the laptop at night if I promise not to leave dolly porn on it and she did put me in regular clothes instead of those baby's onesie pajamas and she did put my steamer trunks near the door again where I like to sit and watch the place, but the truth is...I'm confused about my feelings for the Human.

Sure, sure, I've tried to jostle her awake and scare her. I've upskirted her and posted it on the blog. I got drunk on a ghost hunt and went around a cemetery trying to hit on the angel statues, but other than that, I'm a model citizen around here. It doesn't seem to impress her. She is preoccupied with all her millions of activities and that freaking grueling workout regimen she's on. The smell of her sweat in the air makes me, well, confused again. Something gets all tight inside me. I can't explain it. I just know it's shameful for a ventriloquist doll to be content when his Human is in the room.

I'm a complete and total disgrace to my kind.

It's time I hit the road and put some distance between us. Sure, I'll probably be thinking about her goofy laugh and her fast chattering voice when she's excited, and trying not to laugh at her funny jokes and when she reads her LAUGH episodes out loud. I will try not to envision her in her little jammies as she types on her laptop on the sofa and mocks the TV shows like Joel McHale. I'll be better off without the smell of her cooking yummy things I can't eat and breezing past me with that scent she wears that smells like the forest and human skin heated up in some kind of autumn blast.

I even got used to her singing out songs and dancing in front of me in her exercise bra and short shorts, sweaty and ponytail bouncing, shaking her butt and singing along as she pounds herself to exhaustion. Okay, I admit I will miss that. Since I am limited in motion, seeing a person move is kind of a beautiful thing.

Oh God, I am becoming human, aren't I?

Any advice any of you followers can give me would be appreciated. If you can think of a way I can stay here and not feel these things inside, it would be really help. Otherwise, I'm going to have to hit the road, my friends.


  1. Dale, I've got matches for your escape, and a seat waiting for you in a very warm place.

    You freak me out man !

  2. Dale would be a freaky site at the foot of my bed on a dark, rainy night.

  3. Ah, so Dale's post unsettles the men. I'll have to remember that. I might use him now as a guard doll....

  4. Hang in there Dale !

    Only a dummy would let any woman pull his strings, oh wait.

    Anyway, try a hobby like erotic fiction. Of course, you may want to use a pen name.

    Maybe some ninja training? Maybe a sport like knife throwing? Maybe gardening like Venus Flytraps? Raising piranha?

    Don't get me started on collections.

  5. Barry, my pal, yeah, I see what you're saying. I do kind of like to do a little soft shoe. Maybe I could play some music on the laptop and try some of her moves. Do you think the belly dancing scarf might make it even more awesome? I tell you what, if I take up dancing, I'm going to do a belly dancing scarf video just for you, buddy.

  6. one of my favorite dances is the monkey ... no scarf need.

    Although, you may try Greek Belly Dance just to be different. Why swim with the school?

  7. Autumn.....you are not right! LMAO! Dale is a bit freaky I must admit! I'm not one to be bothered by dolls too much, but I'll have to agree with Max Evel and if there is a need for an excessive amount of matches....I'm there man! Dude! Just got the "willies"!

  8. Tara;
    You can use my search bar on the middle left of the screen and type in "Dale the Doll" and see his whole series. He raids my laptop at night while I'm passed out after drunken blogging on lonely hearts night. I hope you come back for Friday nights. You're fun!

  9. Dale, you're becoming soft.

    You have to get back to your roots. I think spending some time in the trunk every so often would recharge you. It's that time spent alone in the dark and cramped old trunk that hones a doll's hard spirit. It brings back the ancestral doll feelings of being confined and enslaved. It forces you to come to terms with yourself.

    You could also try chatroulette. I'm sure you could get a kick out of freaking people out that way. Just be wary of the schlongs.

  10. Pangs;
    You brilliant smoking dog! My mommy used to cram me into a small trunk as a kid. It was to prepare me for the horrors of being on the road. Problem is, I'm not on the road now. I'm stuck with the Human. Perhaps I should just spend my nights in the trunk and plan new ways to torment her. I like that. You're a bright fellow for a pup.

  11. You do not want to be human, Dale? Stay, Your posts are great.

  12. Echo;
    I would stay for followers like you. Someone needs to be a voice of sanity in the Human's crazy blog!

  13. Well Dale,

    If you do decide to go walkabout, why not try LA. They have a dance group called "THE WANDERING MARIONETTES" ..."dance, circus and performance art troupe blending circus-freak and goth-punk aesthetics with hip-hop moves and attitude, creating a truly unique, dark and mysterious glamour certain to mesmerize and inspire."


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