So, I've been thinking about leaving the Human. Sure, we struck up a bargain and I can sometimes use the laptop at night if I promise not to leave dolly porn on it and she did put me in regular clothes instead of those baby's onesie pajamas and she did put my steamer trunks near the door again where I like to sit and watch the place, but the truth is...I'm confused about my feelings for the Human.
Sure, sure, I've tried to jostle her awake and scare her. I've upskirted her and posted it on the blog. I got drunk on a ghost hunt and went around a cemetery trying to hit on the angel statues, but other than that, I'm a model citizen around here. It doesn't seem to impress her. She is preoccupied with all her millions of activities and that freaking grueling workout regimen she's on. The smell of her sweat in the air makes me, well, confused again. Something gets all tight inside me. I can't explain it. I just know it's shameful for a ventriloquist doll to be content when his Human is in the room.
I'm a complete and total disgrace to my kind.
It's time I hit the road and put some distance between us. Sure, I'll probably be thinking about her goofy laugh and her fast chattering voice when she's excited, and trying not to laugh at her funny jokes and when she reads her LAUGH episodes out loud. I will try not to envision her in her little jammies as she types on her laptop on the sofa and mocks the TV shows like Joel McHale. I'll be better off without the smell of her cooking yummy things I can't eat and breezing past me with that scent she wears that smells like the forest and human skin heated up in some kind of autumn blast.
I even got used to her singing out songs and dancing in front of me in her exercise bra and short shorts, sweaty and ponytail bouncing, shaking her butt and singing along as she pounds herself to exhaustion. Okay, I admit I will miss that. Since I am limited in motion, seeing a person move is kind of a beautiful thing.
Oh God, I am becoming human, aren't I?
Any advice any of you followers can give me would be appreciated. If you can think of a way I can stay here and not feel these things inside, it would be really help. Otherwise, I'm going to have to hit the road, my friends.