Friday, June 11, 2010

Wanna Haunt Yourself? Couldya Haunt Yourself?


(me building a snowman outside the front veranda at Aspen Grove)

It's funny how one thought leads to another until you're not sure what started the snowball?

I was thinking one day about how my father, mother, brother, sister, and family friend all vowed to haunt my childhood home. I was thinking about the family promise to haunt Aspen Grove, and wondered--would I want to haunt the house as it is now? Since a contractor tore down the outbuildings and built condo's around it? No, I'd rather haunt the house as it was when we lived there, everything intact; stables, barn, two cottages, boxwood mazes, arbors, orchards, thicket, creek...

That got me thinking the next thought; what if I could go back and haunt myself when I lived there?

I've always said that should souls exist, we're too linear in our thinking. Many family members can see the spirit of a passed loved one upon their passing at the same time. If we are no longer limited by our body's physical form from this plane, then why would our minds have to be in one place at one time? There should be no limits to such things, no reason you can't visit your future descendants or your past ancestors in their living time on the Earth. At least, it seems like a perfectly logical conclusion once you're freed up of time/space issues that humans have to endure.

It intrigues me to think that perhaps I've visited myself as a child, influenced a decision, stopped some horrible calamity (like the time I played with a snapping turtle or ate a bunch of sleeping pills thinking they were blue M&Ms). What if when we are alone with ourselves and having our most self doubt, praying, crying out when no one can hear, begging the fates to change things, that perhaps we hear our own pleas. We are present. We also realize our own outcome, that this feeling will pass and tomorrow will change everything, and in a week we won't remember feeling so morose.

At the times I've felt the most sorry for myself, pouted, and kicked like a child that I didn't want to do something, somewhere deep inside me I've heard a strangely familiar but more mature voice telling, "only people who feel helpless feel sorry for themselves. You're not helpless. You can do something. Do it! You big baby!" And then I muster up my courage and do the dreaded deed and then feel a strange click in the measurement of my maturity level.

Can I be my own cheerleader for my present self with the wisdom of a soul that's figured out that all of this here on the earthly plane is nothing more than an ongoing test of character? A test to reach the level where, being free of the chains of an aging body, I can be trusted to have freedom, having earned it?

Trusting that tomorrow is completely new, no matter how much you try to recreate today, you cannot have the same dismal day twice in a row. Something distracts you, some silly little serendipitious thing happens, and you smile. You feel a moment of hope. You start on a new course.

Perhaps if we could haunt ourselves, it would be for the "soul" (pun intended) purpose of distracting us enough to get through hard moments and stumble into the next good moment, because sure enough they constantly cycle.

Next time you make a decision, you might consult your future self. And, don't be surprised if you get an amazingly mature answer.

15 comments:

  1. Which begs another interesting question, in popular fiction, could a zombie be haunted by his own ghost? I could imagine a zombie staggering around tormented/guided by his own ghost.

    How about a werewolf? While the wolf dominates a person's body could his spirit step out and guide him?

    It makes you think about time and spirit.

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  2. Barry;
    Those are fantastic points! I've often believed that werewolf portrayals haven't done enough to show that there is a human still inside the animal, just that his animal side has more power. Like in civilized world, the human side has more power over the animal side (Joren Vanderslot, exception). I love the concept of a zombie's spirit haunting him and why the hell not? We know his soul isn't in his decaying casing... That could make for a killer zombie story. If you don't use it, let me know. I could probably do that concept justice...

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  3. Oh, yes. Jotting writing ideas down from Barry! LoL.

    But honestly, it's the hard shit that makes you. And no matter how much I want to tear at my arm veins some days I like the idea that it's just me making it through my day. Most people take comfort in the thought of guidance from a sky fairy that helps them through things but in doing so they fail to give themselves enough credit and understand that it's your own personal resolve that keeps you going. I'm terrified to think I have a future self. He must be one mean, crazy motherfucker! Every time I get down I end up giving myself an emotion slap upside the head and my internal drill instructor starts screaming. Some days it takes longer than others to pick myself up but I always, ALWAYS get up.

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  4. Grim;
    I know that brain nazi. He's a real bastard! Yeah, my biggest bug-a-boo is when I feel self-pity. The minute I see that happening, I become a bitch on wheels. To me it says "someone help me, I can't do it. Why me? boo-hoo" So, I tend to say that I'm only as good as the shit I've been through and I've been through a lot of shit, so I'm a very strong woman. I can take pride in that. Admittedly, finding that person inside sometimes who encourages you to go no matter what--upon occasion it is a gentle and encouraging voice and that shocks me the most because the one that gets me doing things is the angry tomboy inside, but I am intrigued by that side of me that at times, just makes me feel a rush of comfort and pure love. That to me is a personal angel, no doubt of my own creation, so why not a wiser me that knows what happens a day from now, a week from now to change things. One thing I've learned in life is you can't repeat the same day and one day does not represent your whole life, so you have a crappy day, the next day, it's completely different. I love that about life--that it will change even if you don't do anything differently, sometimes you'll just see it differently the next day. I don't know, Grim, I suspect the future you will be more rounded and he might just be more helpful than a pain in the ass.

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  5. Hmmmm... I get no visits from a sweet voice. Maybe I need drugs, lol.

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  6. You just have to get in touch with your feminine side, hon!

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  7. AHAHAHAHAHA! *wipes tears of laughter*. Sorry.

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  8. I've never really thought about the fact that when you die you get release from the restraints of time. I don't think I have ever heard of a spirit haunting itself. Why would it want to anyway? If you were to go back and haunt yourself and change the event that lead up to your death so that you die at a different time. Would you then have 2 souls? Lol.

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  9. Gabriel;
    Yes, good question. Perhaps the self's soul is the angel of mercy. Events perhaps are up to the human, but the possibility of giving comfort, being present, witnessing again the decisions made on earth are sort of like the life-review many NDE people experience. Perhaps we get to actually go back and watch it unfold. I've never thought of spirit or time concepts as being linear. When my father died, he was seen by several family members around the country at the time of his death. Either they have a super expressway on the other side or a person's soul (should such a thing exist) could be everywhere at once, not one person/one soul, but one person/omnipresent soul... hmm...

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  10. Sure have fun with the zombie concept, I'd like to see what you do with it.

    Maybe he would try to possess his own body, feel shame at what his animated corpse does, try to contact others to destroy his zombie form.

    What would the zombie think of this unateable spector? Would his dim awareness recognise it?

    On the spiritual level would the ghost believe that he is damned for what his zombie does? Would he be damned?

    Have fun!

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  11. Barry;
    You have my mind whirling. I think I might make an interesting short out of that one. I would suppose if my soul could torment my zombie self, honestly, I think she'd be laughing her ass off because I usually have a good southern gal's table manners. All that messy biting and chomping--just wrong in every sense! Hopefully, I could assist my zombie in acquiring food in a more pleasant manner, such as directing other zombies to kill and serve the meal with forks and knives and appropriate pinkie raised...

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  12. I suppose it would be possible though a ghost is usually an earthbound spirit and therefore I would assume that it was bound by some earthly rules or at least the earthly rules it knew and believe in in life. The only way you might get a time traveling ghost is if it was a physics major in life (heh) or had already moved on and become unbound, ie moved on, in which case, there'd be no reason (or presumably any way) to come back as a ghost.

    As for you house, haven't you ever heard of ghost houses, that is a house that that appears just as it was despite having been torn down or altered? I mean, if you're going to be a ghost, it's usually because you're comfortable in the past and surround yourself with your own ghostly memories. Play your cards right and you wouldn't even know the condos are there.

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  13. Candace;
    Admittedly, as much as I love and miss my family, an eternity with them would not probably be considered heaven. I could stand being locked up in the house with them again on holidays, but honestly we'd drive each other batty. The rest of the time, I'd want to haunt the woods and nature, maybe find some poor mortal who needs a friend, someone to listen or inspire them. Heck, who am I kidding, I'd probably become a succubus and take total advantage of the ability. Haha.

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  14. Aww, Autumn, please, please make a contest off Barry's idea! That would be wicked awesome. Now you've got my creativity piquing.

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  15. Grim;
    You read my mind! Yes, there will be a contest listed on Sunday about that very premise...

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