Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Hot and... Sticky Vampire Encounters!

It’s rather amazing when you consider it. A vampire drinks blood, a zombie and a werewolf eat flesh, and yet it’s the vampire fictional artists have decided to focus on as a sex symbol.

Why is that?

As the vampire uses his sharp canines to cut into the flesh, the easiest blood supply at about head level (so he doesn’t have to crouch down for the thigh) would be the external carotid artery which is the major artery in the neck. This places him face-to-face with his victim whose neck is a very delicate protection to his precious treasure. Charm would be the best approach and earning trust and intimacy. All it would take is a nice cut into the artery with the teeth, and then the sucking begins. It should be very brisk and quickly weaken and incapacitate the victim, therefore if a vampire were to get his sex thing on, he’d better do that first.

Zombies and werewolves run on animal needs. They have no human qualities any longer, simply the basic needs to feed. Not quite so sexy. Any woman who knows a man she’s fed a meal and then promptly falls asleep afterwards understands how unromantic that is. Then, there’s the zombie's and werewolf's tendency to eat your entire body that could be a bit off-putting. So, logic tells us that the vampire is our bad boy.

Moviemakers have gone to town with romanticizing and sexualizing the vampire. In fact, you will have a very hard time finding a vampire movie without sexuality, except for some realistic portrayals such as “30 Days of Night” and I cringe to imagine the sex they would have if they felt inclined (youch!).

Of course, the introduction of a seductive mesmerizing vampire came about during the Victorian era when such views of sex were forbidden and that a woman should find pleasure in the sex act a forbidden thought. There is an element of playing with bad boys that is attractive to the female population, doing something naughty, giving in to temptations, and always being seduced into it. “I couldn’t help it. He looked into my eyes and I was in a trance…

Female vampires have been a favorite attraction for men. Always on the pursuit to “get some,” men enjoy the concept of a woman simply wanting them, no social intercourse, no foreplay, no need to charm her, just pure raw sex without questions or commitments. And that he needs to be cautous around her makes for a heightened level of awareness. When it comes to female vampires, the girl-on-girl vampire scenario is a male favorite. The concept of two sexually hungry women and the visual display that evokes would definitely prime the pumps.

So, what kind of sex could you expect from a vampire? Logic would have me tell you that real vampires do not exist and thus the question is ridiculous (the Sheldon from “Big Bang Theory” side of me). Technically, I’d have to say that more than likely if he’s in need of a meal and anemic, he may not be able to get enough blood to engorge his cock and therefore incapable of intercourse (the medical professional side of me). Practically, I’d say that he would time the “drink” with the orgasm to get the greatest blood flow (the ghost hunting theories side of me). Romantically, it would have to be a long, slow seduction with a cautious buildup of trust to expose the neck and get the most pleasure for drinking and orgasm (the erotic horror writer side of myself).

Other than seriously staining the sheets, what do you think vampire sex would be like?


  1. Cold. Kinda like doing it with a snowman.

  2. I think vampire sex would be a pain in the neck .

  3. Be like having sex with a corpse! I wish the teen community would get off this Rice started it years ago and did it so much better! Love me some Anne Rice!

  4. Hmmmm...I guess it all depends on the vampire. I'd stay far, far away from Jonathan Frid in the old "Dark Shadows" -- he looks like he smells like mothballs and minty breath spray. Also I'm thinking that Bela Lugosi's Dracula would be super hammy and annoying. On the other hand, I'd be all over Chris Sarandon in "Fright Night."


  5. In a name, Sonja Blue, the vampire hybrid by horror authoress Nancy A. Collins, hands down ~ (•8-D

  6. Juz; Especially the vampires from "30 Days of Night."

    DS; Yeah, but what a way to go, right?

    Brian; I have to admit to appreciating the more deadly portrayals of vampires as conscienceless mosquitoes rather that seducers, but as a female I admit that it is very attractive to women because our necks are our most erotic zone. You nibble on a woman's neck and she's absolutely helpess from the waist down... (I just gave away one of our secrets)

    Tower Farm;
    Yeah, I agree about Dark Shadows. I think Fright Night's Chris Sarandon did a wicked job, but I had a mad crush on him so that helped. Frank Longella did a fine job too. He'd have to be pretty damned good to be willing to die for an orgasm. I suppose a nonorgasmic woman might appreciate that, but I think it's a damned waste when a "normal" guy can give one just as well.

    A hybrid--I like that idea...

  7. How can something so cold be so hot!! Yes I think it would be amazing.. and if its anything like True Blood count me in! Ha Ha!

    My all time favorite vamp movie and book has always been Bram Stoker's Dracula. Me and my husband even used the theme Love Never Dies for our wedding and I wore a replica of one of Mina's dresses from the movie.