New Terms For New World Conditions

Perhaps because I work in the medical world using Latin and Greek terms all the time, but I love to make a hobby of coming up with new names for everyday conditions. Here’s some that I’ve come up with in just the past few weeks:

“Transient Hispanism” The condition in which an Hispanic reporter suddenly speaks with an Hispanic accent when naming a city in Mexico or the name of another Hispanic person.

“Theater Dementia” The condition in which one sits through the trailers for upcoming movies in the theater and then forgets what movie he came to see and has to check his ticket stub.

“Phantom Cell Phone” The condition in which one leaves his cell phone at home and yet keeps reaching into his pocket to use it and feels the wistful sadness as if missing a limb.

“Visual Floating Virus” The condition in which animated pop-up ads during a TV show that appear (due to placement and timing) to interact with the show and temporarily startle the viewer.

“Loading Interruptus” The condition in which the computer screen announces it can’t load a page.

“Ambidextriphone” The condition in which a driver with a cell phone holds it with his left hand against his right ear.

Okay, it’s time for ya’all to come up with a name for this condition:

The condition in which a person in the self checkout line needs help to do everything.