Saturday, March 13, 2010

Hijacked Halloween Plans by Dale the Doll

(Another post by my ventriloquist doll, Dale. He thinks he has this whole blog thing figured out, but I still know what the rascal is up to).

She moved my resting place. I used to sit atop the steamer trunks near the front door and I was a real focal point for the room. But she had go to and get a big-screen TV and need a stand for it (she says temporarily, but she’s taking freakin forever to find a real one), so the human used my steamer trunks. Now, I’m forced to be perched alongside a TV. She has her scary movie buddy over to watch horror and no one looks at me. They just stare at the freaking big screen! I don’t even make them uncomfortable anymore.

What’s a ventriloquist doll to do when he’s this impotent at his reason for being—to unsettle the living?

Well, I just about had enough. When the heater kicks in during the night, there’s lots of popping and snapping and scary sounds in the attic. I don’t like it at all. I won’t complain, though. The human might get the idea it’s time to put me in a room where I’m viewed even less. So, I’ve taken to climbing on her sofa at night and using her laptop. I must admit, I tried to read some of her scary writing, but it made the noises I heard seem even scarier. For a person who likes dark stuff, she sure does smile and laugh a lot.

I don’t get humans. They say one thing, do another.

I did find one tidbit in her word documents about Halloween 2010. Wahoo! I get to star in the show! Oh, she doesn’t go right out and say it, but her theme is dolls taking over the house and well, hell, I’m a doll. I’m THE doll!

She says she’s going to line creepy rigged up dolls peeking out all the front windows. Some will be Frankenstein like, others little vampires, others cracked and chipping, missing eyes…. Sounds like my kind of crowd! We’ll all be peering out the front and if she can get her paws on some mannequins, they’ll line the sidewalk. There’ll be a projector out front showing images of creepy doll animations by Brothers Quay on the garage door really big. Then, when the human answers the door, she’ll be dressed like a mannequin in 1950s dress and wig and a plastic face to look like a stiff moving mannequin.

Now, I like the concept of the human joining us dolls. She should be emulating us!

I glanced over her plans for the blog and I’m going to give some secrets away just to piss her off. She plans on having lots of giveaways and she’s doing a series where she describes being alone in very scary places no one ever wants to be alone in. I guess that means she’ll be hitting the road more to sit in scary places and report. I like the house without humans just fine.

I don’t mind that it creaks and snaps.

I don’t mind that no one’s watching me.

I don’t mind that she leaves me alone by the TV set with nothing to listen to or do.

I don’t miss her laughter.

I don’t miss her teasing me.

I don’t miss her conversations with her friends that I get to eavesdrop on.

Nope. I’m a loner.

I can handle it just fine, so long as she leaves a light on, and a radio playing, oh, and the heater turned off…


  1. I find it really creepy that Dale the doll is using your laptop while you are sleeping. I wonder if he is reading other blogs? Your plans for Halloween this year sound pretty cool so far. Too bad that big mouth doll had to spoil things.

  2. Julie;
    I'm onto him. I have passwords now. Hee hee

  3. autumnforest, how cool was this?? you do the coolest things with your blog, errrr, i mean dale did a cool thing with your blog...

  4. Libby-Girl;
    You gotta watch that little dickens. He likes to move around sometimes and I come back in the room and he's just a little off from how I left him. His writing is not so awful.

  5. Ugh, god. How do you sleep with that thing in your house at night? Throw it in the attic. Lock in in a trunk and throw away the key. Or better yet, host a mini Wicker Man burning with it in the backyard this Halloween.

  6. Grim;
    I told you--I'm counterphobic. Because he creeps me out, I have to keep him around. Keeps me horror writing edgy. Jeez, I'm guessing you won't trick-or-treat here at my place this Halloween with all the dolls in attendance. Maybe I should send them to your place afterwards. Can you imagine them knocking on the door and waiting for you? Hee hee

  7. Do you have any idea how much that would thoroughly freak me out if I had a UPS guy knock at my door and hand me a package I rip open with a doll in it? If your name is on anything sent this way I will be thoroughly vigilant. I'm glad you just don't know my other worst fears.

  8. Grim;
    Did you ever see "Dead Silence?" I love when the doll arrives in the box and they prop it up on the sofa and stare at it and it stares back! Fear of clowns? Snakes? Spiders? I admit that if I'm at an event and a dude is in a costume hovering around me, it creeps me out. You never know who's behind the mask--kind of like the clown thing. I think it's both exciting and scary--I'm attracted and repelled. What a freak I am! Guess that's why Dale sticks around.

  9. That Dale! He's such a corker. Always gotta keep your eye on that little wooden fella! What a trouble cakes!