(Another installment from the ventriloquist doll on the steamer trunks who greets visitors when they enter my home)
The human is a strange creature. She fears me, but I should fear her! When no one is around, I hear her make a wry comment to herself. Out loud. Who is she talking to?
She comes out in the morning when there’s no sun up yet and puts on her sneakers and grunts and sweats for an hour. Why? She is barely from her bed and she goes into the workout room and flicks on the TV. I have to listen to some godawful romance movie set on a beach because she has spring fever and wants to get into swimsuit shape. Just the thought of sunshine and water gives me shivers!
Yesterday, she came stumbling into the house, covered in sweat and dirt from the garden. The windows are open and it’s springtime weather here and the crazy human is shoveling and digging and dragging and planting things. I turn my nose up at her as she passes by to refill her glass of water. What could a garden possibly give her? The dark recesses of the living room are so much more comforting. Here, I can tuck myself in against the wall and watch the insanity. She is more entertaining than any horror movie!
The other night, she came out and plopped down on the sofa and typed away madly on her laptop, reading the passages out loud. At least the human knows to write horror. I admit, a few of the paragraphs made me unsettled. I didn’t like when she turned the light out afterwards and left me here.
A week ago, I saw her hunkered down to watch a paranormal show. She came out later with her ghost hunting equipment to replace batteries and test and store it from the last time she used it. She stopped by me for a moment and held up the EMF meter, studying me keenly. She laughed and leaned into me to read the meter. I willed the meter to go up. It jumped for a brief second and her eyes got wide. It’s best to keep your human wondering.
She’s emailing other humans right now on her laptop, laughing so hard her eyes are crying. What could possibly create so much humor?
I will never understand her kind. They think we don't notice them, study them, listen to them, even in their most intimate moments. I like my perch. It's best to keep your eyes on humans. They are unpredictable. And, they do so entertain me in my most bored moments. I suppose she does serve a purpose in that way.
Perhaps I will keep her.