Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Living with the human by Dale the doll

(Another installment from the ventriloquist doll on the steamer trunks who greets visitors when they enter my home)

The human is a strange creature. She fears me, but I should fear her! When no one is around, I hear her make a wry comment to herself. Out loud. Who is she talking to?

She comes out in the morning when there’s no sun up yet and puts on her sneakers and grunts and sweats for an hour. Why? She is barely from her bed and she goes into the workout room and flicks on the TV. I have to listen to some godawful romance movie set on a beach because she has spring fever and wants to get into swimsuit shape. Just the thought of sunshine and water gives me shivers!

Yesterday, she came stumbling into the house, covered in sweat and dirt from the garden. The windows are open and it’s springtime weather here and the crazy human is shoveling and digging and dragging and planting things. I turn my nose up at her as she passes by to refill her glass of water. What could a garden possibly give her? The dark recesses of the living room are so much more comforting. Here, I can tuck myself in against the wall and watch the insanity. She is more entertaining than any horror movie!

The other night, she came out and plopped down on the sofa and typed away madly on her laptop, reading the passages out loud. At least the human knows to write horror. I admit, a few of the paragraphs made me unsettled. I didn’t like when she turned the light out afterwards and left me here.

A week ago, I saw her hunkered down to watch a paranormal show. She came out later with her ghost hunting equipment to replace batteries and test and store it from the last time she used it. She stopped by me for a moment and held up the EMF meter, studying me keenly. She laughed and leaned into me to read the meter. I willed the meter to go up. It jumped for a brief second and her eyes got wide. It’s best to keep your human wondering.

She’s emailing other humans right now on her laptop, laughing so hard her eyes are crying. What could possibly create so much humor?

I will never understand her kind. They think we don't notice them, study them, listen to them, even in their most intimate moments. I like my perch. It's best to keep your eyes on humans. They are unpredictable. And, they do so entertain me in my most bored moments. I suppose she does serve a purpose in that way.

Perhaps I will keep her.


  1. Oh that Dale! He's trouble! But you keep him amused...wait until he gets a load of your werewolf shorts!

  2. Ha ha ha ha. Okay, now I know I have to make a pair of werewolf shorts and wear them in a picture on this blog. That's my goal. Now, I just need to learn to sew better.

  3. Thanks for directing me to this, autumn! Remember the British 1945 classic horror film, Dead Of Night? What?! You've never seen it before, Autumn, you? Weh-heh-heh-El then, let me break it down for you. Its plot is comprised of 5ive different yarns all shared by company in a country Tudor nestled far into the British countryside. One of the tales has to do with a psossed ventriloquist dummy. You must put this on your must-see list. I'm convinced that it became a template for much of what has come down the pike in the (to me) belovéd horror genre.

    Also, one of my great uncles was THEE Cowboy Ventriloquist in the Vaudeville Era, Bud Lorraine. I wonder if you could pick anything up from his dummy, Tommy, whose carver was the same as radio personality & (by all accounts) quite UN-talented ventriloquist Edgar Bergen's dummy Charlie McCarthy! I just can't get away from fame, Autumn, even if personally I shy away from the limelight my(s)elf. LOL ~ Anadæ Effro

  4. Anadae; I couldn't find it on Netflix, but I will definitely pursue it. I recently had one of those days off where I went onto Netflix and picked only 1940s horror and was surprised how damn good it was! I usually think of 60s/70s/80s horror, but they depended a lot more on the suspense then. So, did you get the family talent for ventriloquism? That is such a freaky scary talent. As I write on my laptop right now, Dale is trying not to look at me, mouth hinged open, arm still where it belongs. Did you read my post about how he moved while I was asleep? That was really creepy. Hasn't done it since then. I think my reading horror to him quieted him down. hee hee.

  5. LOL! Why, yes, Autumn, yes, I got Uncle Bud's knack for talking between bearly moving lips. One of these days I'll put up an album on my albums site …. HERE! .… all to do with sepiatones & any Dagguereotypes & Tin-types floating around of family luminaries. To access the photos, click on the pertinent album, use the slide knob at the bottom. Having a web-builder husband sure has its perks.

    As per Dale's tale, i truly think that many objects that most perceive as lifeless & inanimate actually do possess a life of their own. Then again, I'm a polytheistic animist atavistic reversion! LOL! Your story & feedback have brightened my day, sis! Enjoy the balmy 70 degrees there in AZ! ~ (•8-D

  6. Anadae;
    You always make me laugh. Yeah, I was actually going to lay out in a bikini today by the ice cold pool, but I got distracted. Poor white tummy! I will definitely check out your album. I definitely miss having Alex the web designer around the house, but he did teach me enough that I can use logic to figure out the rest...well, most of the time. I can call and pester him when I can't figure out the rest. He has his own art show he'll be doing in early February at ASU. I'm so excited for him. He's curating it, designed the theme and is jurying the artists. It's "Boomtown: The New Look of the Southwest." Lots of variety of artists from every culture and background and nationality showing that AZ is becoming more of an international stopping point and the old cowboy pictures just aren't what they used to be as we evolve and urbanize. (is that a word)? Well, enough of my chatter. I got a supper to whip up. :-)

  7. Who wouldn't love Dale and his crazy antics :)

  8. Hey, Pangs;
    Yeah, Dale's my dude. In fact, I'm going on a ghost hunt soon and I'm going to take him along to get shots of him with the equipment helping out the team. Will post it on the blog. He needs to get out now and then and torment others.