I sort of stumbled on to the "cemetery lady" moniker. I think it’s just because as an artist and a writer, a lover of history and exploring the paranormal, cemeteries have become my stomping ground. When I first started to seriously visit graveyards (mind you, my mother the historian dragged us to many famous historic cemeteries in the East Coast as a kid), I wasn’t exactly sure what I should be doing.
The first few visits to a cemetery to photograph the beauty of them, I kept in mind the kinds of old wive’s tales I heard as a kid. “Hold your breath when you pass a cemetery or you’ll be the next occupant,” “if you walk over someone’s grave, you will give them shivers during their lifetime (in the past).” Well, I wasn’t about to hold my breath while there, so that was out of the question. Still, I felt very wrong to walk across a grave. I still do not step on top of a grave unless I’m doing something to help the cemetery association to find graves and mark them. Walking behind the headstones is fine. The key is just not disrupting the grave.
One of the things I do when I go to a cemetery is take a trash bag. It sounds weird, but cleaning up a graveyard can be very humbling. Who else will attend to their needs if someone’s left it high and dry? If I find overturned vases, I put them upright again and say hello to the occupant. I'm not of the belief that they hear me, but that I send out a positive energy into the world around me showing my intentions as honest and clear. I bring flowers and leave a single one on older graves where no one visits anymore and say a few words to the deceased. It’s more for my own comfort than theirs, I am certain. I simply feel it’s a sign of respect and it makes me wonder about this man or woman who died in the 1800s. What kind of a life they had. If they have any descendents. If anyone visits them anymore.
It goes without saying that smoking, drinking, loud music, or being loud or disruptive are completely inappropriate in cemeteries, but so is driving while using a cell phone and yet people still do it knowing it’s wrong. I really hate to mention it, but I’ve actually seen people with their trunk open and coolers inside, collecting the newly laid bouquets of flowers on Sunday and making off with them (for their business, no doubt! I even suppose they might have sold the flowers and are recollecting them to sell a second time!) I made a big show of taking down their license plate and they rushed off in a hurry, but still there are folks who will take things left behind. Parents often leave gifts for children and birthday cake at the graves of their children and the thought that anyone would take it is incomprehensible.
If you take anything from a cemetery, it’s considered to be cursed. Sort of like that tiki figure the Brady boys found in Hawaii. I don’t know if that’s true or not, but as someone who reads objects, the pain associated with these items will definitely bring you down. That’s not an energy you want to take home with you unless you want an excuse to take Prozac.
Another issue is children; whether to let them visit or not. That is always for the parent to consider, knowing the maturity level of the child and their comprehension about the respect due in such a setting. I have seen families go to visit graves and their children dart in and out of the headstones, laughing, and goofing off. Some people are offended by this, but one place I think is comforting to have the laughter of children is a cemetery. Yes, death is a serious thing, but there is something so comforting about the next generation with the spirit of physical life being amongst those who are remembered in spirit only. The descendents repeating the cycle of love, laughter, physical bodies...
It’s up in the air whether cemeteries are haunted, but I do believe that should there be such things as spirits, a family sitting at a grave talking to them, crying for them, would certainly bring them present. I would think the laughter of children would also bring a comfort that the cycle of life continues. Of course, there are still limits on those children such as not disrupting offerings on the graves or climbing on headstones and statues.
If there are burials going on or families visiting graves, it’s best to give them wide berth and move on or far away. Allow privacy. Sometimes, folks just want to sit at the grave and catch the dead up on what’s been happening. Some people might roll their eyes at the notion, but it’s therapy for the living even if it might not be considered therapy for the dead.
Every religion and culture has their own way of handling memorials. I’m always intrigued by the offerings left behind, the messages, the photographs, and the symbolism on the headstones. Cemeteries are our history, our education, a record of our importance to those who loved us. You don’t need to go to any more lengths than you would for a wedding or funeral or church service; simply appreciate, reflect, get a perspective on life and death, enjoy the beauty and peace, feel comforted that you’re part of a cycle that’s always remembered, and leave there with perhaps more focus on living your life fully. After all, like they say, "I'll rest when I'm dead."