Yet another installment of LAUGH for your pleasure. Today, once again, we are poking loving fun at SyFy channel’s awesome new show, “Fact or Faked.”
*Warning: Do not drink while reading this or you are likely to have liquid spewing from your nose.*
BEN: Well, that was an interesting clip.
JAEL: I’m very concerned about that kiss between the monster and the child. Do you think that was consensual?
BILL: Oh, for crying out loud, Jael! Didn’t you see the little girl smiling at the end? We don’t even know if that is a monster. It could be her daddy and he’s just one ugly son-of-bitch.
JAEL: I hadn’t thought of that, Bill, Point taken.
BEN: I remember this guy I saw one time at the carnival. He had two noses and three eyes…
JAEL: I know what you mean, my Aunt Teresa had four breasts.
BILL: (chuckles) She must have been very popular.
JAEL: (frowns) She had two of them removed.
BILL: (snorts) I hope they went to good homes.
BEN: Please, team. We need to get back on track here. I believe we’re missing the point of this whole video and what we are here to debunk.
BILL: That being?
BEN: Whether or not a person can actually sleep with their foot in the air like that. Usually, it cuts off circulation, the foot falls asleep, and you move it around like the dickens to get the feeling back.
JAEL: Yeah, when my arm hangs off the bed, I get the tingles (shivers).
BILL: I’m with you on that one. I think this was a setup. If they actually had a monster to film, the guy wouldn’t have just taken a nap in the middle of such an amazing event. There would have been more footage of the beast. I’m thinking that monster is a fake.
BEN: Then, we’re agreed? This was faked?
PRODUCER: (leans into Ben) Ben, the purpose of debunking the video was to decide whether the UFO was real, not the monster in the intro.
BEN: What UFO?
PRODUCER: (rolls his eyes) Put the next clip on, guys!
BEN: (shakes his head) I really don’t know what to say about this film.
JAEL: (sighs) It is so cruel to see those creatures locked up like that on tables as if they’re in a morgue.
BILL: Well, I don’t know about you guys, but I think this is very questionable.
BEN: How’s that?
BILL: (taps on the screen) The octopus appears to be alive, but it’s out of water. How does that happen?
JAEL: That’s true! It would never have survived being on that table and not in the water.
BEN: Good point, but are you saying this is a hoax?
BILL: No, I’m saying that we have a clue. Obviously, if this octopus is still alive, this location must be very close to the water.
JAEL: Yes! That would narrow down where this film was taken.
BEN: And, they appear to be speaking an Asian dialect.
JAEL: So, if we want to find and free these poor creatures, we need to find out more clues.
BEN: There is another clue! The fish was still moving so they must be very very close to water.
JAEL: (frowns) Yes, but his hair was dry. Isn’t that strange?
BEN: This team is awesome! We are so clever! So, apparently they kept him in a bucket of water with his head sticking out. We need to find a bucket near the ocean in Asia…
BILL: I’m willing to make some puppets and see if we can recreate the animals they have imprisoned in Asia near the ocean. We can determine just how large this facility had to be to house them all and then GoogleEarth the waterfront in Singapore, Taiwan, South Korea…
BEN: That is brilliant! We narrow the field even more.
PRODUCER: (leans into Ben) Ben, the purpose of this debunking was not to find and free the creatures, but to determine if the creatures had human heads.
BEN: (frowns and tugs at his collar as he blushes)
PRODUCER: (sighs) Roll the next clip, guys!
BEN: Well, what is the consensus?
JAEL: I think it’s a hoax.
BILL: (scowls) It’s rather early to determine that, isn’t it?
JAEL: Think about it. That video was found in the woods. Do you think it would still be intact and that someone would even happen upon it? It seems unlikely that they would find it really soon, but if they didn’t find it for months or years the recording would be useless.
BEN: (boyish smile) I like having a technically intelligent team!
BILL: I’m not willing to throw the baby out with the bathwater, just yet. (paces) I admit the chances of this guy happening upon Bigfoot like that with his video camera running in the middle of nowhere are pretty slim. Still, we have to admit that Bigfoot did apparently attack him. We saw that clearly. You can’t get Bigfoot to throw punches on cue. So, we know this guy filmed him. We know this guy was attacked by him. So what happened to his camera? Someone had to find it and put it on YouTube or we wouldn’t have just watched that video.
BEN: (snaps his fingers) You’re totally right about that. That’s logic. We pride ourselves on this show that we use logic to defeat hoaxes. We don't even have to go into the woods and try to bait Bigfoot into a fight to recreate the scenario. The film is genuine!
JAEL: This looks like the real deal, I suppose. I can’t defeat Bill’s conclusion.
PRODUCER: (leans into Ben) Ben, the purpose of this tape was to determine if that was a real Bigfoot caught on film, not if the film was found. (sighs) Everyone, let’s call it a day! (turns to Ben and put his hand on his back) Ben, buddy, I think we need to talk a bit more about the premise of this show...