NOTE: I am not a trained or certified therapist. I am a woman with a great deal of experience in counseling, researching, and testing methods. As one human being to another, I share these insights.
We developed some superstitions about the full moon, either worshipping it, or increased crimes. In the olden days, before streetlights and such, a full moon was the ideal time for a crime spree. It invaded stories of werewolves and ghosts.
As children, the darkening of our bedroom could create terror. Just a hint of light could torment us with shapes that look like people or shadows casting that make monsters.
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fear of the dark
When my son was a little tot, he had to have the door partially opened to get some light from the living room, but it cast a triangle shaped shadow on the ceiling, cast from the corner of the door being lit.
One night, he cried out and I came in to address the issue. He said he didn't like the alligator with an open mouth on the ceiling.
I sat on the edge of the bed and looked up at what he was focused on. The shadow. Hmm... One thing I know about parenting is to not dismiss their imagination and make them doubt their own interpretations, but guide it to something positive.
"Well, hon, I don't see teeth. Is it a toothless alligator?"
His forehead wrinkled. "I dunno."
"You know," I pointed out in a positive voice, "What else is shaped like this? It looks familiar. Hmm...."
"Um, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?" (I always cut his sandwiches into triangles).
I smiled, "Yes! Oh yes, I see that."
I got up to leave, kissed his soothed forehead, and prepared to leave, my fingers on the doorknob, thinking of closing the door so he wasn't scared.
He sat up quickly. "No, mom! Don't make the sandwich go away."
I left the door partially opened.
He yawned and laid on his side and murmured, "it'll wait for lunch tomorrow."
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being alone in the dark
Perhaps the best test of your psychological wherewithal is to be alone in the dark for periods of time.
Sitting in a blackened bedroom, wearing a sleep eye mask, standing in a pitch black yard, standing in an unlit campsite....
At first, your senses sharpen. You note everything you can obtain about the location without the use of sight. You notice a wall flex after a cold day when the heater is on, maybe an acorn falling to the forest floor, the crunch of leaves. You take in all the olfactory aspects of the surroundings, noting faint woodsmoke, maybe polished leather or newly washed linens.
Without forward-focused vision, you literally scan the environment around your body in a 360-degree position, something you do not do when distracted with vision. Note: People who have had near-death experiences concur, they were able to see 360 degrees around them.
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I got Bell's palsy facial paralysis 5 years ago. Most cases (80%), it repairs itself, but in my case, I was left with a fair amount of facial paralysis. I diligently wanted to exercise atrophied facial muscles.
I learned physical therapy recommendations (for God's sake, never get this condition - ER doctors, physiotherapist, neurologists, tell you to go home and heal because they can offer you NOTHING. It's rather like asking them for nutrition advice - something they know NOTHING about).
I had to learn to heal myself as best I could. So, I tried things like saying the alphabet, accupuncture, red light therapy, prayer, massage, hot compresses, singing.... And others who had the condition depended on Botox to help weaken the stronger side of the face so it matched the weaker side. I adamantly refused. Long-term use of Botox to paralyze muscles causes muscle atrophy and weakness. Now, the entire face is weak! It doesn't cure, but it might make someone feel better going to their reunion.
Finally, I was fed up. One day, when I wanted to work the muscles, I closed my eyes. OMG! It was magical! Without looking in a mirror or being distracted by the room, I had to TURN INWARD. It's that inward gaze that had me able to do the exercises and know exactly what the muscles were doing.
As odd as it sounds, being without sight for a time, being in the dark, lets you actually be part of the process, aware of every movement. I started doing my calisthenics in the dark or with a sleeping eye mask and WOW! I wasn't looking at the wall I was doing pushups from. I wasn't staring at the curtains while I hold a chair and squat. I was actually extremely aware of each muscle and what it is doing!
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what to expect in the dark
Depending fully upon the visions inside your head, at first you find it blank. There's nothing to interpret. This can feel like alpha state, or suspended animation, or even meditation. It's rather like you pulled down the shades and no longer see the landscape out your window.
You are likely to move into body scan. You begin to note what is going on with your positioning and internally from head to toe. This kind of body check doesn't happen during distracting daytime or busy nighttime. It is good for you. Give your body a bit of thanks for pushing all those aches and pains and tightness and twinges aside to get through the day.
Eventually, you get past being unnverved, unsure, without real landmarks, and a bit preoccupied, to an interesting place - a sense of self. Self, aside from others, locations, jobs, titles, responsibilities. Just you - being. "I am." You move from "wife," "boyfriend," "son," "teacher," "daughter," whatever - and you actually just are. Breathing. Existing. No need to title it or validate it.
At some point, you are likely to review your past, imagine your future, but ultimately you come to the end point where souls always dwell - the spiritual, the connection to a higher state of being/a guide/God.
This is the humbling moment of near nakedness before the universe when you are reduced to submission to the fates. Fill it with gratitude. Be at peace. It all comes to the same end, no matter how you dance in your mortal existence.
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GRIEF
When my father died when I was 16, I hated to go in the kitchen. When he came home from long business trips, he would sneak in, stand in the doorway of the kitchen and wait to be noticed and receive his hug.
I still kept looking nervously at the empty doorway and then feeling the freefall of grief when it perfectly framed his absence.
One night, I got up and tiptoed to the refrigerator for a soda. The creature feature was playing on my tv and I couldn't sleep.
In the near complete darkness, I had to find the fridge by memory. I opened the door, leaned in, reached for a soda, closed the door and the only momentary light and stood up.
While the icy can sweat in my palm, I glanced toward the living room, my eyes looking through dad's infamous doorway altar in search of light that wasn't present, as mom had closed the heavy drapes.
I didn't see anything, but I felt it. I felt the void that was dad being gone. It had depth, it had darkness, it was hollow, and silent. It was more his absence than daytime could ever provide.
During the day, it was a visual. The light came through the window illuminating mom's beloved African violets, the custom Italian tile floors reflected the brilliance, the family photos gazed back at me from the fireplace mantle in the living room.
In the dark, everything vanished. It was just me, no distractions, but sensory sharpening from the lack of visual.
In that complete silent darkness, just me and my grief, I realized that the darkness and the silence of the middle of the night represented exactly where I had to place my father - not here anymore, but somewhere I could not see, could not reach.
And I never stopped to think about the doorway anymore. It simply became a passage. And life marched on in my world while it marched on in his.
I've talked about the darkness inside, but what about the darkness outside?
Testing your ability to stand up to the nighttime outdoors takes you from focus on yourself and inward journey, to your relationship with the world and the future.
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from darkness to night
Perhaps the second half of darkness healing is to go outdoors and be in the dark. You focused on self, home, family, and spirituality.
It is outdoors that you deal with self within the framework of the universe.
Let's get you outdoors, hopefully on a new moon evening when things are very dark, or perhaps deep in the forest at a campsite where the trees block the light.
The very first thing you will experience is the atmosphere; the wind, the scents, the temperature, the earthiness. This will likely ground you to a location.
The next thing, quite obviously is the vulnerability. You are there with unknown entities. Will a wild cat watch you? A bear stalk you? So many mortal fears will arise.
As your inner vision fans out in 360 degrees, you move past the immediate location and into the town, the region, the country, the planet, and you feel expansive. The body and its vulnerabilities are pushed aside and suddenly you feel rather....epic. You are more than the place you stand. You are bigger than your daily problems. You are...eternal.
Don't be surprised that after feeling expansive, you contract. The funny thing about grief, anger, regret, and all the negatives is that once you get in a safe place, you finally feel them. It's like swirving on the road to avoid a collision and then feeling the aftermath in a rush of adrenalin.
Here, in the darkness, this is your safe place to feel the hollow in your belly, the tightness in your chest, the tears you never felt safe to shed, the regrets and grief you never handled.
A shift occurs when we realize the outside world we live in every day, mindlessly cooperating, just trying to get to the evening. You ask yourself if your location is right, if your relationships are right, if it jives with what you imagined your adult life to be. You ponder other alternative paths. You dare youreslf to simply wonder....
When your time in the outdoor darkness is done, you begin to realize how brave and strong you are, how you know your path - even in the dark.
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Perhaps the fear of the dark isn't so much about what we fear is lurking out there, but what is lurking within.
