Friday, January 16, 2015
Sex and the Single Ghost Hunter: Geeks Finding Girls
I haven't done an installment of my series, Sex and the Single Ghost Hunter in some time, so I thought I'd jump in today discussing something I discuss often with my geek buddies - how do geeks find girls?
Anyone who read Julie Ferguson's and my book, Paranormal Geeks, would probably admit that any of the people interviewed in the book are truly date worthy, but how do geeks hook up?
Best advance is to begin by finding your potential mates. You don't find Para-Geeks in quite the same places as you do the boring dull masses. You find these smart people poking around ghost tours, staying in haunted B and Bs, tucked into a chair in the para section of the bookstore, attending para, UFO and Scifi conventions, as well as touring historic sites. They might be involved in Cosplay and reenactments. They might be going to a Steampunk Convention or attending haunted attractions. You might find them at a MUFON meeting or a metaphysical store getting an aura photo.
Geeks often need to know that they found someone of an intellectual caliber to heat their love engine. I highly suggest going onto Facebook and finding para groups in your area, forums that talk about ghosts in your town or Bigfoot, and joining a meetup group that is in an area of interest of yours, from history buffs to photography, hiking to gaming.
Sure, you found people who you can talk to about your interests, even feel comfortable with, but how do you keep from being relegated to the "friends-only" department? Some women categorize a man as "friend only" and that quicksand is nearly impossible to claw your way out of.
Women can be friends with a guy, but if you go too long being just friends and no mentions of sexuality, the man becomes asexual/neuter.
Once you are asexual, you are relegated to friend only. This is necessary because women are both annoyed by men coming onto them and also need it.
Wait, isn't that putting the foot on the gas and the brake at the same time?
Well, if you start off the friendship hitting on her, that's too fast and she believes you only want her body. But, if you stay friends for weeks and never once mention she's pretty enough to have her pick of guys, the woman will believe that you are not sexually interested in her and thus you are neutered and become a "buddy" for life.
I've met men through meetup groups, from online discussions about shared interests, from events where we mingled among others into horror movies or sci-fi stuff. Follow-through is critical, though. Lots of people meet up and exchange cards at events, pocket them and forget. Guys who are really interested, get on their phones and friend the women on FB. If she accepts it, leave a message privately to tell her you enjoyed meeting her and want to talk more about the subjects you were discussing earlier.
I discovered that meeting online from a distance is almost never a good situation. At some point, someone wants to meet in person and the chemistry can be off, the overwhelming realization one of you must move, and a general lack of understanding of the home place of the other. Meeting online with someone local is a great situation to feel comfortable enough to meet in person.
Other options for meeting gals -
Historical society membership and meetings, goth shops in university districts, eclectic bookstores/coffee shops (always go the same time, same day of the week so you become easy to find again), theater set building, para teams, para events, para conventions, ghost tours, burning man event, local historic landmark events, farmer's markets, and adult classes at community colleges like meditation, healing, local history.
Remember too that geek gals don't tend to go out to bars drinking and sometimes are on the computer more than out in public. That means finding them online. You might need to do a wee search such as googling "ghost blog Nevada" and find someone in your home state who is blogging about your interest. You can also find them on Facebook pages for your interest in your area like "Texas Bigfooters" or such. Join the page. Now and then, post something interesting that might start a conversation or join an ongoing conversation.
Sometimes, the best place to find that gal is through your favorite site. I can't tell you how many times my comments were read on a site and people followed me back to find out that I was in their area and wanted to meet and talk the subjects. How you comport yourself online is critical. One voice of reason, one interesting funny response, or curious profile pic, and you have someone receptive to conversation.
We women are approached a LOT online, especially on Facebook, so if you want to message a woman, do it with the right etiquette if you want to hear back. Never comment right away on our looks or photo, hair color, or breasts. Just don't mention our looks right off the bat. We women put on brakes when the man's first comment is about our appearance. We know the guy is looking to get laid and looking for what he wants to lay. So, stick with brief and not rambling to start off:
"I read your comments on Jack's page. I wanted to tell you privately that you were spot on. You really know your stuff."
Para geek women aren't difficult like superficial vapid women with no depth. We need our minds stimulated and our souls sang to, but we are not particularly impressed by looks or money, status or boasting. We are truly loyal and great mates and open-minded. Sometimes, our quirks are the very things that make us endearing, just as your quirks are endearing to us.
Geek girls can be shy and geek boys too, so getting us together is usually over a shared hobby or interest, so keep that in mind.
Good luck boys finding your para-geek gal!