Wednesday, June 27, 2012
When it comes down to it, it appears that there are 4 important aspects of a person that we take into account when finding a mate who is ideally matched.
Oh, there might be small other aspects, but they are within those categories.
Most women would lament that men put physical way too high on the list and mental way low. Men might complain that emotional and spiritual are too important to women.
For me, the list comes down to this:
1. Mental. I need a man whose mind has expanded, likes lots of subjects, is intelligent, inquisitive, and didn't think learning stopped with college. With mental comes sense of humor. Usually, smart people totally get the irony in life and find relief in chuckling at the oddities of the world. They also tend to use that thought process to gauge things realistically and with rational thinking, they have rational emotions.
2. Spiritual. Even though I am not in any way looking for a religious man--NOPE! I do appreciate someone who has a sense of the universe and our part in it, who is not so involved in his ego that he thinks things revolve around him. Someone who can have compassion and be open-hearted--hugely attractive.
3. Emotional. I wouldn't have put this on the list this high, but it's vital to me to find someone who has rational emotions. When I say that, I mean that he doesn't brood about something and then blow up, believing his own mind's machinations and taking it and galloping off on the lunacy train. The best emotions are ones in proportion to the actual situation and someone who understands emotions don't come from some magical wellspring, but are the result of internal dialogue, is a man who is ideal.
4. Physical. How could I put this so far down on the list? Lots of reasons. I'm a female. Any man who has my heart and mind, is gorgeous to me. I've never been into the pretty boys. I think the vessel you come in is not representative of what's inside. I once got a gorgeously wrapped gift that ended up having inside a hideous clown painting. A smile, beautifully shaped hands, a sexy voice, soft chest hair, a quirky smile--these can all become obsessions and passion evoking to someone in love.
We're a package. I remind myself of that often following a very long-term relationship that made me believe I was only important in one of these elements. A gross imbalance in these 4 aspects and a person can go from attractive to incompatible.
So, what is your order of importance?