Monday, April 23, 2012
Sex and the Single Ghost Hunter: Internet Affairs
It starts out as noticing someone's profile pic or the witty things they comment on FB or perhaps on a blog or forum.
Now, there's intrigue.
Next? Recognition. One of the two parties speaks directly to the other. Laughter ensues. Banter goes back and forth.
Were you ever this dashing and suave? Were you ever this flirty and sassy?
After all, would you be trolling the internet late at night if you were happy in your relationship and tumbling in the sheets with someone who finds you sassy or dashing?
You know those tickling feelings when you went to school and knew that you might make eye contact across the room with the focus of your obsession? You find yourself getting giddy at the sight of your crush's name on the screen. Someone who hears you. Totally gets you. Thinks you're awesome.
The funny thing about the Internet is that at home we go inside, lock the door, turn on the TV and computer and shut off the world. The masses of people we could be connecting with, we must do so virtually and it's so freaking easy! So much easier than knocking on a neighbor's door and asking for some tea.
It's so damn easy to reveal so much and to share so much. Pretty soon, people are calling each other cyberwives and cyberhusbands, plotting coming together in real life, taking naughty shots in the privacy of their bathrooms, and even leaving spouses for each other.
It's MUCH more prevalent than anyone knows. In fact, if your spouse spends evenings on the computer and is up late on it while you go to bed, be nervous. Be VERY nervous. No matter how much he looks to be a gamer, they are socially interacting. It is impossible not to.
I'm single. I end up on the end of married men's fantasies. I know men who married childhood sweethearts, never looked at another woman, never got a speeding ticket, who could not resistant a small conversation that led into a longing that was overwhelming because they missed out on casting the line and reeling in the fish part of life. They have found a safe way to experience single-dom without technically physically cheating.
It sounds grim, but I see it sometimes as a way to work social skills. You never feel more sexy than when you know others want you. You come to your relationship from a sense of power. Most women I know are self conscious about their bodies and how they look compared to the Barbie generation, but when they go online, men contact them like mad. They realize that they are a whole package. They act that out with their men, coming to bed feeling like a siren.
Ultimately, if no one is taking anyone for granted, that cyber flirting can really amp up a relationship. But, remember, if a partner is left too long alone, they will look for a source of loving and if they aren't getting it from you, there are 100 others online waiting in the wings.
I suppose the lesson in all of this is, turn off the computers and play with, flirt with, and surprise and bond with the source of your daily loving. It's fine to have a virtual fan club, but as a single gal, I can tell you that I still go to bed alone every night through some hot tears.
Nothing beats the real thing.
at 3:30 AM