Thursday, December 30, 2010

Dale the Doll: What Are Ghosts?

The Human decided to let me have some space here on her blog. (Oh, aren't I the lucky fellow?) She said I could write about my take on ghosts and I have to admit that from time to time, The Human manages to have a good idea. I'm certain she was just reading my plastic head with her psychic creepiness.

I also want to tell you that I intend to do a series of interviews with The Human's abandoned doll collection. I will act as an interpreter and tell you their stories. These will be dark and creepy and you better not be a bunch of pussies when you read these interviews. This will be a Thursday posting to give you something to look forward to while you big babies are waiting for "Fact or Faked: Paranormal Files" to start its second season.

What is a ghost?

I think it's kind of like doll spirits. You haven't heard of doll spirits? Didn't you see that freaking cool episode of “Destination Truth” on that doll island in Mexico? Damn! I want to retire and live there with all those gorgeous dollies. They're pretty lonely for a male doll, I'm thinking...

Anyhow, dolls have spirits. When a doll is put to rest (the destruction by human hands), he continues to haunt his owner. In fact, you can all consider yourselves followed by every Betsy Wetsy and GI Joe that you ever owned, every Teddy Bear, every Elmo and certainly every Cabbage Patch Doll.

Humans talk about the spirits of the dead attaching to objects, well objects can attach to humans too. So, be careful how you treat your Barbie doll and your Marionette and for God's sake, your ventriloquist doll!

When I come back to haunt my Human, I plan to do all the things I do now to annoy her, except she'll blame it on a ghost and I won't be relegated to the top of a shelf next to that pissy clown doll, Skittles.

What's even creepier about your doll's spirit? It's tied to the human because he projected his feelings and intimate secrets to the doll. The doll then takes on the human's spirit as well as its own. It's kind of like passing our your DNA and characteristics to your kid. So, if there was something familiar about your doll, it was a reflection of your own spirit mirrored back.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it!


  1. So, Dale? What you're telling me is that my childhood Barbie dolls are mad because they're stuck in a box somewhere?? When I find them, you might just get two new ghoulfriends! :)

  2. I'm thinking your Barbies might not be so mad. They're okay with tight places, but if you had a marionette, it'd be freaking pissed about now. They like a lot of space. Hey, are they stacked? I might be into the petite gals, but they do look rather high maintenance.

  3. Dale, You know I would never keep a puppet on a string! :) As for the barbies? They're stacked, naked, and clearly not high maintenance.. The only action they ever saw was with kid brother's GI Joe. I caught him chatting the two of the up once.. The I had to put the hurtin' on him!

    Now, you? The would LOVE you!!

  4. When you come get the girls? Could you bring some caffeine? Clearly, I can't spell without it! ;)

  5. Nice place to retire, Dale. Hanging out at stoned dolls island.

  6. Dale, how do dolls feel when they've been passed on to new homes? My little cousins got all of my GI Joes and Transformers once I stopped playing with them, a new owner is better than life in an attic, right?

  7. Echo; If I can talk The Human into letting me move to Doll Island, I'd write happy posts about her the rest of my old age just to be able to date some of those lonely cuties. Talk about a sure thing--I bet there's not a single male doll on that island! Woo hoo!

    I've had tons of owners since I was created. I gotta say that each one was a new and interesting puzzle for me. I'm a curious guy. I like to watch humans, but I still can't figure them out. Your dolls might take on the spirits of your cousins, but they still have your spirit too. If a doll has been around long enough, he's wise and he's better than any human because he has a bunch of lifetimes of knowledge. I, myself, am a brilliant fellow having been around for many decades in many dozens of places with the spirits of all those owners in me. Think of the tv show Highlander. When he chops off another immortal's head, he gets their knowledge. Yeah, it's kind of a snooze that I don't have to chop off anyone's head, but I do get a bit of their spirit.

  8. So Dale, I gave my Barbie Dolls to my cousin when she was born because I felt it was the right thing to do. I was 9. I kinda regret it because the cousin and then her sister didn't care for my passed down dolls, etc. as well as I did. So...are they going to possibly haunt me for trying to be a good kid or will they haunt the cousins for not taking care of them like I did?

  9. For you, pretty lady, I will answer this truthfully, but it galls me to do so. You get out of your doll what you put into it. If you love that doll, give it lots of attention, more of your spirit enters the doll. The doll will always go back to the person whose spirit was most imbued in it. So, expect those dolls to be with you through life and they will let you know in weird freaky ways. You'll be talking some someone and accidentally call them by your barbie's name or maybe you'll be feeling sad and turn on the tv and there's a barbie ad. You never know just how the doll will let you know, but they will let you know. I'm freaking happy I was cursed by that evil sorcerer because his spirit is stronger than The Human's. She is much too nice to me and I try to discourage that so that I don't her blasted happy spirit inside of me. It's a constant battle. Now you know what I'm up against.

  10. Thank goodness I was good to my dolls while growing up. I wouldn't want any of them to come back and haunt me!

  11. My barbies are most likely angry; being in a box in the basement. "Basement Barbie' never were played with all that much. I was too much of a tomboy. Besides; I had a cemetery very near my house!

  12. The last thing my doll said was "psssssssssssssssssst".



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