Sunday, October 31, 2010

Halloween Series: Interview with Hannibal Lecter


(Later today there will be another post filled with creep atmosphere about my childhood home, Aspen Grove)

This is the last in my Halloween Series of Sunday interviews with horror movie killers and we’re going out with a bang! Well, perhaps a chomp! Here is my interview with Hannibal Lecter of “Silence of the Lambs.” At last, I had a worthy killer to interview. This isn’t just your usual big stupid knife-wielding oaf. No, Hannibal sees himself as quite superior to the rest of humanity. This may be the only interview I did in which I broke the killer.

AUTUMN: I want it noted that we have removed Mr. Lecter’s facemask and mouth guard for interviewing purposes, but he is strapped down to his chair and appears quite harmless. Mr. Lecter, tell me why you feel compelled to kill?

HANNIBAL: (thoughtful pause) I don’t consider it the killing of a living being but the transformation of a wounded creature into his or her true potential.

AUTUMN: True potential or your dinner meal?

HANNIBAL:
(charming smile) The act of digesting them is an ancient practice called toteism, the eating of the flesh to take in the knowledge and strength of that individual.

AUTUMN: But didn’t you feel disdain for your victims? You considered them weak and frail and not nearly as clever as yourself. So, why would you want to take on their characteristics? I think perhaps there is something else going on with you, Mr. Lecter. Perhaps you aren’t as advanced on the scale of evolution as you perceive yourself to be and are nothing more than a common street criminal in fancy clothing.

HANNIBAL: (jolts against the straps, fists clenched) You dare to try and define and classify me? You, with your brassy hair and overly ripe breasts smelling like some Halloween bonfire in the woods and your quaint little ‘ya’alls’ and charming smiles? You are only a step away from your origins, my dear. I take you to be from the Virginias with a comfortable upbringing and exposure to the arts and society but not quite of that world nor of the common trailer trash world that you emulate in your casual attire and folksy manners.

AUTUMN:
Apparently, I must have struck a nerve, Mr. Lecter.

HANNIBAL: (deep breath, forced smile) I am duly chastised. You see, it has been a long time since I have been near a woman as beautiful as your self.

AUTUMN: Mr. Lecter, I do believe you have only been around men the past 10 years in prison, so I would hazard to guess I am the ONLY woman you’ve seen in a long time.

HANNIBAL: (chuckle) I always had a thing for leggy redheads, my dear. Every man has a weakness.

AUTUMN: (smiles knowingly) So, your weakness is females?

HANNIBAL: Not just any female, my dear. I admit to having a very active fantasy life. I lose myself in my art. I sketch up scenarios that do not exist in this world, but in the perfect world; the one inside my mind. Look at those sketches there, my dear.

AUTUMN: (picks up a roll of papers and unfolds them to find a sketch of a woman’s face) This is me?

HANNIBAL: (smiles) Yes, that is from a picture on your blog. I follow you, you know? Oh, I use another name. I think before I act. You will never know which follower I am, but I come and read every word you write. I especially enjoyed the belly dancing scarf videos. The things you can do with your bottom fascinated me to no end and inspired that next sketch.

AUTUMN: (hand trembling as she unfolds a sketch of her naked backside) This is anatomically correct, Lecter. I will give you that, but you missed something. Too bad. (sighs)

HANNIBAL: (tries to lean forward against his restraints) What?

AUTUMN: You think you have so much knowledge and insight. Too bad. (tsking sound)

HANNIBAL: (voice rises) What? What did I miss?

AUTUMN: Is this a component of OCD, Mr. Lecter? Does it bother you that you didn’t perform a photographically perfect rendition of my rump?

HANNIBAL: (speaking through gritted teeth) What-did-I-miss?

AUTUMN: A darling mole on my low back and two distinct dimples right here and here. (gestures to her very low back)

HANNIBAL: Damn! (hangs his head)

AUTUMN: One little flaw has you defeated? (smiles)

HANNIBAL: Go!

AUTUMN: What?

HANNIBAL:
Leave! (turns his head away)

AUTUMN: That really bothers you that you didn’t imagine me as I really am?

HANNIBAL: (turns to her, face anguished and gray) You do not understand. I used my keen eye and logic while looking at your videos to know just exactly how you would be. Proportionally, I had ever detail down. That sketch was the culmination of every observant skill I possess. If I could miss such subtle details, what else have I missed? I am a failure.

AUTUMN: I would think, Mr. Lecter, that you attendance in this maximum security prison is perhaps the best example of how you failed.

HANNIBAL: (growls) Get-out!

AUTUMN: (grins as she leaves)

PRISON GUARD: You know, with you putting Lecter in a suicidal mood, I’m half tempted to untie him and leave him a knife.

AUTUMN: I think you should leave him a chair and a rope. (leans into the guard and whispers) It’s so much easier to clean up and he’s been enough of a bother already. (chuckle)

7 comments:

  1. Happy Halloween! Yikes Hannibal creeps me out!

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  2. Wow. You got the better of the King of Cannibals!

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  3. Becca;
    Super happy Halloween-ie, sweetie!

    HN;
    Yeah, someone had to put him in his place.

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  4. "What does Hannibal call Jehovah Witnesses? Free delivery." Okay, another one: "What does Hannibal call the picture of the athlete on a Wheaties box? A suggested serving."

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  5. Oh, hell, Barry! You got me! Those were awesome! I'm going to be laughing all day long.

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  6. What an ending - Hannibal self-executed.

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  7. Fazenda;
    It's all about the karma, ya know.

    ReplyDelete

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