Wednesday, April 14, 2010
There’s a shit-load of remakes coming out. (Yes, I think that word was appropriate). I like to say, of late, that Hollywood is the dog that eats its own poop. A huge chunk of upcoming horror movies are remakes. I don't mind too much if the movie is older and if they can maintain the essence of the mood and spirit with which the original was made. I just don't want to see the sort of thing that produced the remake of "Halloween" by Rob Zombie who has the self-editing abilities of someone with Tourett's.
Here's a sampling of what's coming in the future:
“Creature From the Black Lagoon” It’s in pre-production. Now, I looked up the guy making the film and he’s done a couple other films, but nothing anyone would recognize. I’m finding this rather dubious. I’ve always wanted this to be remade. I just don’t want it to be a boatload of models in the Amazon going for a bikini shoot and getting caught on some river debris and forced to be eaten one screaming body after another. My conclusion: A remake should be made of this—but by some real experienced moviemakers. I’d love to see a JJ Abrams version, myself. I can’t help it, I’ve waited so long, I will probably see this one.
“A Nightmare on Elm Street” Coming out April 30th. Yeah, someone’s remaking this. WTF? Insiders say Freddy is less funny and more serious in this one. Still, you can’t be a classic from the 80s. The original was so freaking scary because most of us saw it when we were young enough to be scared to sleep at night after seeing it. And the role of Freddy was such a classic—you can’t recast that. My conclusion: Nope. It just won’t have the effect the original did, no matter how hard one tries to capture the terror. I have no plans at all to see this—even on DVD.
“An American Werewolf in London” This is in development stages, but really the one that came out in the 80s was a classic and it also was technologically ahead of its time. I loved the mechanical and real raw way they made the wolf transformation and the people who played the characters were so endearing. I just don’t think I’m too into this, even though I adore werewolf movies. My conclusion: Move on to another werewolf story. This was a classic in the time vault—don’t tamper with it. Nope, not gonna see it!
“And Soon the Darkness” This is a classic 1970s flick with Kim Darby being tormented by tiny little gnome-like creatures that mean her harm within her home. I loved the original, but it wasn’t very scary. The concept was scary, but the execution was too lame for me. This is already in post-production. My conclusion: A remake is a good idea, but they better amp up the terror and not make it seem like a bunch of Lilliputians are attacking. I do plan to see this one.
“Children of the Corn” Yeah, well, why don’t we remake “Gone With the Wind?” Bad idea! It’s a classic and it’s also in a time capsule in which it should not be released. It just doesn’t work in the new millennium. It is just in the development stages. My conclusion: Should not be remade and I will not be seeing it—even on DVD.
“Fright Night” This 80s classic had me panting after the vampire, Chris Sarandon. Damn! I don’t want to see it with anyone else in that role. It was a campy classic. I’m curious, however, how they cast it. I enjoyed it so much and don’t feel the concept is a bad one, nor do I think it had to be done in the 80s. It’s just in development still, but I’m waiting. My conclusion: Worthy of a remake if it is well cast. I will be seeing it, no doubt.
“I Spit on Your Grave” A must see for most women. A wonderful rape revenge flick that is graphic and very powerful. The original was really perfect for the time in which it was filmed in the 70s. I think that if anyone tried to redo it now, it’ll just end up being an awful graphic and uncomfortable film. Part of what was so compelling about the original was that women were just coming into their own power and independence. It was compelling because this woman got the ideal revenge against the men who gang raped her. This is now in post production. My conclusion: Not worth remaking, it was a classic. I will not see it.
“Let Me In” This is remake of my favorite vampire movie, “Let the Right One In” except this version has been done in English. I am not pleased by this concept. I understand bringing it to the American market for those who don’t read subtitles, but those who don’t read subtitles don’t need a really smart-thinking movie like this. My conclusion: Not a movie that should be remade. I doubt I will watch this unless people who have seen the original recommend it.
Oh, wait! The torture isn't over yet, these movies are also slated to be remade: "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," “It,” “Near Dark,” “Night of the Demons,” “Pet Cemetery,” “Poltergeist,” “Rosemary’s Baby,” “Scanners,” “Suspiria.” “The Birds,” “The Blob,” “The Brood,” “The Fly,” “The Gate,” “The Host,” “The Howling,” ”The Orphanage,” “Toxic Avenger.”
And that’s only some of them!
***DON'T YA'ALL FORGET--FRIDAY IS ANOTHER INSTALLMENT OF "LAUGH: GHOST HUNTERS PROVE GHOSTS!"***
at 8:11 PM