Monday, March 4, 2013
What Scares Me
People have asked me this many times, doesn't ghost hunting scare you? What does scare you?
The things that scare me in the world of ghost hunting are not your usual culprits. I am thrilled, aroused, excited by dark places, creaky buildings, moving shadows, voices, breathing, being touched by the unseen. It is all my playground.
What scares me is more real-world. I don't like heights. I have a vertigo/depth perception screw-up in my head that just makes me very uneasy. I fear running into people alone in sites or perhaps even being picked up by the police if it ends up being a no trespassing place that I did not see a sign posted on. I worry about getting lost, breaking down, getting bit by a rattlesnake or chased by killer bees.
There is nothing in the paranormal world that can possibly make me fearful because my self explanatory style is not one that includes concepts like devil, demons, possession or evil.
I admit to occasionally being startled when something loud occurs nearby or if I feel something pull at my hair when I was having a quiet moment. That's not really fear, but self preservation. I can be left alone in a very creepy place and I find it to be exciting. I like the darkness, the unknown and I invite something to show itself to me when I am vulnerable. I need that personal experience to verify my prior experiences. I look for patterns, similar situations, similar timing, if it's reacting to me or independently of what I am doing. I seek answers. My curiosity helps me break through any apprehension.
There is also a romantic side of me that not only grew up in a haunted house, but the formal gardens, woods, and boxwood mazes, arbors, out buildings, orchards and fields. I find myself loving the darkness, exploring, dank places, and pushing myself to be alone with it, alone with any thoughts that might dance through my head. I am what some call counterphobic because I tend to do that which would make me uneasy in hopes that I would become comfortable with it. I pushed the envelope with sitting alone in secluded dark scary places so much that they seem almost meditative, as if I find myself in such places surrounded by old things, crumbling things, musty smells, pinging and creaking sounds and the unknown.
What are some places I would like to test my mettle and sleep all night?
A castle dungeon
The suicide forest at Mt. Fuji
An Egyptian Pyramid
A prison cell on Alcatraz
A mental hospital electroconvulsant therapy room
Oh, I'd take any place that would allow me that has a reputation, an atmosphere, an eeriness. The only thing I have to fear is my own thoughts and those are in order. I don't let my mind dance down dark halls filled with "what if's?" Instead, it dances down dark halls filled with "I hope!"
at 8:30 AM