Sunday, July 1, 2012
The Real Bigfoot Reviews Syfy's "Bigfoot"
I've been asked to review a film supposedly based upon me. It aired last night on Syfy Channel. It started out nice enough with a happy stream filled with fish and then turned into a human bloodfest with a hunter shooting a bear. Even though their portrayal of me was grossly exaggerated, I do admit, I would have defended my woodland friend like this fictional beast.
I've been told a lot of 70s favorite celebrities were in this movie. The problem is, for me all humans look the same.
I kind of liked that man people refer to as Greg Brady. He was trying to stop the nasty humans from cutting down my trees. There was, however, entirely too much dialogue and backstory. They really beat it into the ground as if we didn't get it the first few times that Mr. Brady-person is an ex-singer now eco-weenie. I suspected early in the movie that the red-haired, red-beareded man people call Danny Partridge needed to be eaten.
The saving grace from this human soap opera? The cable company's satellite scrambled parts of it to make it almost Picasso'ish in its presentation. BTW, those were my favorite moments in the movie!
Talk, talk, talk, singing horrible music... This movie was pure torture for a Bigfoot. And, they were doing it in my woods!
Just so you know, in real life, I would never have eaten Mr. Alice Cooper. His line in the movie said it all for me as far as how this Syfy original made me feel, "I've only known you for 2 minutes and I already hate you."
By the way, Syfy moviemakers, I am not King Kong, nor do I roar, and especially I am not created by CGI. Oh, and although I pride myself on my height, I am nowhere near 30 feet tall. However, should this movie make humans afraid of the woods, bless you television programmers.