Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Halloween Candy = How Much Sex?

Yeah, it’s one of those days when Autumnforest goes a little bit nuts. I had one thought, that begat another thought and then another… You get the idea.(You really don’t want to know the delicate workings of my brain, just sit back and appreciate the illogical trail it leaves when it’s burned a zigzag path through useless information).

I was casually wondering about the calories in Halloween candy and then, since I'm strictly dieting, I wondered how is the best way to work it off. Then, I thought about how chocolate is the love medicine for women. So, how much sex would it take to burn off those fun-sized bars???

(Fun sized bars):

Snickers (80 calories) 15 minutes of foreplay followed by *10 minutes of intercourse

Milky Way (75 calories) 15 minutes of kissing followed by *7 minutes of intercourse

Baby Ruth (85 calories) 15 minutes of kissing followed by *5 minutes of foreplay followed by *10 minutes of intercourse

Tootsie Pop
(60 calories) *10 minutes of intercourse

Reese’s cup (44 calories) *7 minutes of intercourse OR 20 minutes of foreplay

M&M fun sized bag (99 calories) *15 minutes of intercourse or 45 minutes of foreplay

1 roll Smarties (25 calories) 15 minutes of kissing

*You can half your intercourse time if you use the doggy style position because it burns twice as many calories (wink).

Now, considering the amount of candy one typically finishes off while waiting for the little boogers to knock at the door, it seems Halloween should be accompanied by bottles of Viagra and a crate of KY jelly on the Halloween display stand in the stores.

Warning: Enjoy in moderation (the candy, not the sex!)


  1. Why am I suddenly hungry for a Snickers?

  2. If you can promise I will only have two dimples in my butt like this lady, I will begin right away.

  3. Some of those times had me questioning my adequacy... til you mentioned the doggystyle thing.

  4. "Honey... I have this new Halloween Ritual!!!"

  5. I would have to have sex for hours to work off all the halloween candy I eat. I better get to work.

  6. I think there's a lot of folks here who are justifying gorging next Halloween! We know chocolate gets women off, but now men might find themselves aroused at the thought of a Snickers--like Pavlov's dogs, huh? (how appropriate considering the ideal calorie-burning position...)

  7. Ut oh, I am eating M&M's.....Gary where are you? I better not let him read this list, the dude will take it serious and I don't have that kind on energy, lol.

  8. Julie;
    Girl, drop the chocolate--have the real thing!

  9. lol....uh oh! How's that saying go? Nobody can eat just one???

  10. Wait a minute....what's foreplay?

    (I kid, I kid!!!)

  11. Dan;
    No one can eat just one? You should never encite my bawdy sense of humor because I will say that you just pointed out a very good thing--a threesome will burn more calories... That's probably why they call these big bags of candy the "party pack"

  12. candy candy candy!!!!!! sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex you get my point!!!

  13. How the hell did I miss this post?

    So wait. You're justifying how much sex I can have by how much candy I can eat? Okay, gotcha. Now where the fuck did put that Snickers bag....?



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